I’ve always said that going No Contact with a narcissist is probably one of the toughest obstacles you will face when ending the toxic relationship. And sticking with it is the biggest step you will take to heal from narcissistic abuse.
By getting it right as soon as possible, you will avoid weeks, months, years, or even decades of a delayed or non-existent recovery. Many of us break No Contact – we go back again and again so these lessons are very important.
Today’s video will prepare you for this inevitable step and each of these six approaches will give you insight on how to move away from the toxic relationship so you can open yourself up to a new world of self and life that no longer resembles abuse, devastation, loss, and heartache.
Today I want to talk to you about the six best things that you can prepare to go No Contact with a narcissist. I promise you that when you try to go No Contact, you’ll find it is one of the toughest things you are ever going to go through with narcissistic abuse.
So many of us continually break No Contact, but the great news is that when you know how to do No Contact the Thriver way, as a boundary beast, you will get through this in the most direct and painless way.
Before I get started, I just want to quickly remind you that my 10-week healing intense Bootcamp called Thrive –where you can go from zero to hero, from absolute pain and powerless and struggle, no matter what you’ve been going through, to feeling emotionally free, renewed, and powerfully inspired to go forth into your True Self and your True Life – is coming up very soon. So check out the link that appears with this video or in the show notes.
Let’s check out the six ways to prepare for going No Contact, and really this is about being prepared for the moves that the narcissist may do.
Related: 10 Rules Of No-Contact With A Narcissist
6 Ways To Prepare When Going No Contact With A Narcissist
#1 – Self-Respect, Love And Truth
The foundation of going No Contact is accepting this truth: this person does not have the willingness or capacity to meet you at a level of kindness, care, truth, teamwork, and solution building.
You can’t change someone’s character. You can’t force them to be responsible and accountable and decent, no matter how hard you try. A person’s character is their character.
The only person you have control over is you. So rather than continuing to touch the stove that burns you, and taking the poison that is killing you, the only option is to pull away and save yourself.
Get really clear about this because people get very confused over going No Contact with a narcissist. No, you are not ghosting or doing silent treatment by doing No Contact. That’s something that abusers do to try to punish people.
Getting ready for, and then going No Contact, is an act of loving yourself. This is about your self-love, self-respect, and truth and it means that finally, by doing that and saying, “No more,” you’re going to have a chance to heal, recover, and then Thrive. With a narcissist, there’s no other choice other than to make that choice, and then after that all the things that you need to prepare for.
#2 – Being Blamed And Shamed
Narcissists don’t take responsibility, not honestly, and durably – it doesn’t hold. It’s too threatening to their fragile Inner Identity for them to admit, own or transform anything about their behavior.
Therefore they’re going to need to demonize you. They’re going to make out that it was their decision to end it and that you were the bad one. Narcissists can get really down and dirty and cruel with this.
That’s why No Contact is so important. It’s even really not a good idea to have a conversation about the ending of the relationship, because the narcissist is going to twist and turn. They’re going to say things to try to pull you back into the fray, with the blame, the unjust comments, and the out-of-bound low blows.
If you were to break up with a non-narcissistic person, maybe you could have a rational conversation about finalizing the relationship and how that could be done in the best possible way for the family, the kids, each other, how to split up property and assets. That would be painful, but you’d be able to work it out like mature adults, but that is not how things roll with narcissists.
Get prepared to pull away, get out with what you need without the narcissist knowing, and leave a note or no note because actions speak louder than words, and then block off all direct contact. Any contact or barrages that do get through, ignore them. Don’t give them energy. It’s a trap. This includes the smears that you’re going to hear from other people.
Related: Does The 30-day No-Contact Rule Actually Work? Answered By A Breakup Coach
#3 – Being Ignored And Replaced
One of the most painful things that can happen in No Contact is a narcissist getting on with it like you don’t exist. A narcissist is a No Self, a consummate actor, sucking from life whatever they want at the moment. When one stage play ends, they can just move stage plays.
He or she may flaunt their new lover and make out their life is wonderful. He or she may make sure that you find out and know or simply disappear never to contact you again. Narcissists have an uncanny ability to do whatever it is that hurts you the most.
If your unhealed triggers have been to do with being replaced or ignored or abandoned, it’s a pretty sure bet that you’re going to go through this dramatically when you go No Contact.
It’s so important to turn inwards and heal whatever feels like is screaming inside of you rather than re-hooking to the narcissist so that you can keep moving forward in your life every day. Getting closer and closer to Thriving, being totally free, and creating real, genuine relationships in your life where people do have the ability to be kind and real and care for you is what you are aiming for.
For now, your greatest mission in this heartbreak and trauma is to come home to granting devotion, love, and healing to yourself. If you do this (and at the end of the video I’m going to talk about one of my resources that can help you greatly) the pain and the devastation will go and you’re going to come out of this on the other side.
#4 – Experiencing Love-Bombing And “Remorse”
The narcissist may try to win you back and the problem with this is that it’s only to hook you up for narcissistic supply again, it’s not about genuine love.
So how do you know that? Because the narcissist, no matter what he or she says at the moment and what crocodile tears they express, if you just fall straight back in and don’t accept their apology, if you don’t just say, “Okay, all right, I accept your ‘apology’.” No matter how convoluted or backhanded it is, if you don’t accept it, then they’re going to start attacking you again.
Or after a short period of time, all the nasty behavior returns, usually worse than it was previously because the narcissist’s ego wants to pay you back for leaving them. It’s likely that you’ve already experienced this, that when you’ve gotten back together things just get worse. So you really have to resist the hoovers. Don’t entertain them.
If you feel yourself longing and feeling the nostalgia of the good times, work at shifting out all those feelings as well, all of the good and the missing and the loving ones, as well as the triggered painful traumatic ones.
This really is about cleaning the narcissist out of your Inner Being with your inner work, with Thrive (I’m going to talk more about this at the end of the video) so that you can return home to your own solid self, loving yourself to where you’re not going to accept unhealthy, unsafe love again.
Related: What Happens When You See The Narcissist After No-Contact?
#5 – Threats And Intimidation
Narcissists may try a variety of ways to get you hooked back in and it might start with threats and then it could move to hoovers, or maybe it’s the other way around. The narcissist may threaten that they’re going to start seeing somebody else, or they’re going to take the kids and the property away from you in court, or the threats may even be physical.
This can be absolutely terrifying and it triggers all of your deepest fears. Narcissists feed off your fear and they usually aren’t at all powerful without it. I can’t tell you how many people – who do the Thriver inner work and release the fears that the narcissist triggers – who have been able to detach and powerfully and fearlessly go through court.
They’ve been able to get great wins defeating narcissists, and are able to rebuild their life. And they discovered that all of the threats turned out to be nothing but hot wind when the narcissist couldn’t get the triggered responses that they were trying to get to derail people that way.
This is what I believe. That when we do Thriver healing, when we let go of the trauma and we fill with Source, which is the light and the power of our super-conscious and highest self. This dissolves darkness powerfully. It really is like having the shield of God, your higher power with you and within you. In the light, there can be no darkness. I’ve seen this happen time and time again.
Having said that, it’s really important to be sensible and also keep safe and make sure you think it out when leaving a potentially dangerous narcissist. And I’m going to put up a link with this video, which is an article of mine that will give you a lot of resources regarding this. And it’s my article Is There a Right Way to Leave a Narcissist? You’ll see it in the show notes.
#6 – Feeling Responsible Or Guilty
You may go through feeling sorry for the narcissist and how he or she may cope without you. Many of us at deep levels almost feel like we were the necessary healers for these people. We even felt like a parent to the broken person that the narcissist was.
Yet the truth is no matter how much you hang in there and try to love them back to health, you are only going to get yourself more abused in the process. So when these feelings arise, don’t succumb to them, do the inner work on them so you can let them go, you can keep cleaning them out, keep healing whatever arises.
If you do that every day, piece by piece, you will see that your trauma symptoms start melting away and you start filling with confidence and self-esteem and hope and energy and Life Force again. When you feel more solid within yourself, then you’re going to be able to build the life that you’re truly born to live.
Related: 5 Steps To Ignore A Narcissist Who Tries To Hurt You
In Conclusion
As I said at the start of this video, doing No Contact and sticking with it is one of the hardest, if not the biggest steps of narcissistic abuse recovery. By getting it right as soon as possible, you will avoid weeks, months, years, or even decades of a delayed or non-existent recovery.
Rather than pulling the band-aid off and then reopening the wound all over again and again, you can just rip it off and then dedicate it to healing the wounds underneath the band-aid so that you don’t have to keep going back through this. You can heal and develop to never having to go through it again, as well as open yourself up to a new world of self and life that no longer resembles abuse, devastation, loss, and heartache.
So now I would love to help you achieve this. This is the last call because we’ve nearly closed the doors to Thrive. It’s upcoming really soon and Thrive is my 10-week Bootcamp interactive workshop series, where we meet each week in person together on Zoom with powerful information and Quanta Freedom Healings, which are so incredibly shifting. They can shift decades of trauma and patterns in minutes to help get you through anything and everything that you’ve struggled with in your recovery.
Doors are closing to this event really soon. There’s only very limited places left, and you can see Thrive on this link that comes up on the video or go to the show notes.
As always keep smiling, keep healing, and keep Thriving because there’s nothing else to do. I can’t wait to powerfully help you within the 10 weeks in Thrive.
Written By Melanie Tonia Evans Originally Appeared On Melanie Tonia Evans
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