It hasn’t been a good month for relationships so far in January 2014. An Italian man asked to go to jail over living under “house arrest” with his wife and Dwayne Wade had to inform his newly engaged fiancé thahe recently fathered a love child.
You may be wondering what is the big deal, or you may be so outraged as my man MoKelly was in his blog the Mo’Kelly report to just throw up your hands and say there is just no hope.
I say it comes down to one thing, mature love vs. childish love.
A lot of people enter into love relationships for the wrong reasons. They bring the same vulnerabilities and emotional feelings they had as children. With that mindset, the same behaviors go along with it.
As a child, who is unable to meet his/her needs, his caretakers or in this case his/her partner become all-powerful and expressions of praise and approval become emotional blankets.
Dr. Harville Hendrix states very eloquently that we unconsciously choose mates who reflect both positive and negative qualities of our original caretakers, in order to resolve the unfinished business of our childhood. That’s why people so often say “I knew she was the one as soon as I laid eyes on her” or “I felt as if I’d known him all m life.”
So what type of love relationship do you have? Here are a few 5 examples:
|Childish Love||Mature Love|
|You fear abandonment.||You are secure and can tolerate feelings of sadness and anxiety without being consumed by them.|
|You need constant reinforcement that you are loved.||You trust that you are loved and don’t constantly search for proof.|
|You have no control over your emotions others and you easily humiliated when you make mistakes.||You accept that you has flaws as well as do too and are not devastated and fearful|
|You fear change and resist stretching yourself.||You know that stretching outside your comfort zone is good for you and overall well-being.|
|You will do anything not to lose your relationship||You can accept loss, but never yourself.|
Most relationships can work if you show up and commit yourself to grow up!