When we listen to someone with deep attention, we listen to not only what is said but also the unsaid.
Most of the times the other person is not really upset about the pressing issue at hand but they are really upset about some of their base level feelings not being met. Beneath their anger and resentment is the pain and hurt due to their basic needs not being, be it feeling heard, safe, secure or loved.
Even if you disagree with the specific request being made in the issues at hand but find a way to honor the spirit of the request, your partner will feel happy and fulfilled and the conflict will get resolved.
When we are having a dispute with our partner, we tend to get into a power struggle and engage in a one-up blame game. We start to defend our position and see the other person as an opponent and the temptation to attack them becomes almost impossible to avoid.
It would be easier to deal with the situation in a slightly mature manner if you have done some work on personal development.
If you can get out of the emotional rollercoaster of anger and resentment and find the strength to look at your partner with compassion for their perspective – even if you don’t agree with it, you will be able to dissolve the conflict by agreeing to disagree.
If we can extend kindness to our partners even during fights and arguments, we will instill the trust in each other that ultimately we are part of the same team and trying to find a solution to a problem together.
Kindness will help us to move beyond the stance of defending ourselves and enable us to listen openly to the other person’s perspective.
Most of the times there is no right or wrong perspective, both the sides have some valid points worthy of consideration.
Ultimately relationships are about teamwork and it can only work if you care enough to give a FUCK and move together as a team.
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