Ever feel like you’re investing your heart and soul into a relationship, only to sense that your partner might be holding back? Explore the signs he is not over his ex and still stuck in the past.
If he is not, and your relationship is stuck in the same place forever, it could be because your partner is not over his ex yet and needs to sort out his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing, and pulling in addition to comforting.
It is leadership. The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.” ― M. Scott Peck, the Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
Love is the most sought-after human emotion but love is more than instinctual. It is important to use our intellect and judgment as well along with our hearts so that we can make the right decisions. Otherwise, we can become so blinded in love that we can stay stuck in a dead-end and one-sided relationships.
Here is a list of 13 telltale signs a guy is not over his ex
13 Warning Signs He Is Not Over His Ex
1. He’s still angry with her
If a person is still angry with their ex, it is a clear red flag that they are not over their ex yet. Their anger is just a manifestation of the pain and hurt they carry inside because of the ending of the relationship.
If a person has truly moved on from his ex-relationship, he becomes apathetic and indifferent to the ex instead of seething with anger towards them. Anger and hatred just go to show that they still have intense feelings for their ex-partner and have not come to terms with the break up yet.
2. All the little things remind him of her.
If all the little things like what you wear, how you talk, the places you visit, or what perfume you wear reminds him of her, then he is clearly not over his ex yet.
He should ideally take more time to notice and compliment you instead of talking about his ex all the time. If he doesn’t have his heart 100% in the relationship, you should just move on, girl.
Related: 5 Unmistakable Signs He’s Not That Into You
3. He’s still interested in her life.
If he still makes efforts to find out what is going on in her life, whether by asking common friends or checking her social media feed, or stalking her, it is a major red flag that he still has feelings for her and is hoping to get back together with her.
While it is ok to remain friends with your ex but it is not ok to obsess about every little thing that is happening in their life or being too involved in their life.
4. He is still in touch with her family.
When you are in a relationship, it is very obvious that you would want to be in touch with your partner’s friends and family. But, as soon as the relationship gets over, the contact with the friends and family slowly fades away.
If your partner is still making efforts to stay in touch with his ex’s family, it could be either because he is trying to keep a tab on his ex’s life to find out if they are still single and if he still has a chance to get them back. He could also be trying to impress the family so that he could ask their support for getting his ex back.
5. He still stalks her on social media.
If a person is over his ex, he should not be liking every comment and photo of his ex on social media. If he is still doing that, it is a clear sign that he is trying to get her attention and hoping to rekindle the spark.
6. He keeps on giving her as an example.
If he keeps on giving her example in all small instances like how she used to cook food, how she used to dress up, or how intelligent or mature she is, then you should end your relationship with him because it’s clear that he is still in love with her.
He is just consciously or unconsciously comparing you with her and that’s not a good thing to do. You are a unique individual and you should be with someone who likes you for who you are and not someone who is trying to turn you into a mirror image of his ex.
Related: 15 Signs You’re Still in Love With Your Ex
7. He talks about his past a lot.
We all talk about the past to remember and relive the good times. If he keeps on talking about his ex, about the things they did together or the places they visited together, it is a clear sign that he still misses the good times spent with her.
If he keeps on bringing up their vacations together or daily rituals, he is clearly missing her big time.
8. He shares about his life with her more than he shares with you.
If he shares his dreams, passions, and what’s going on in his life with her more than he shares with you, he clearly shares more comfort and bonding with her than he shares with you.
Comfort, trust, and bonding are the basic building blocks of a good, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. If you don’t have these things in your relationship, then you have some reflection regarding what you should do and take an appropriate course of action.
9. He is hesitant to commit to you.
It is normal to take time to commit to someone. But if you have been dating him for quite some time and he is still hesitant to commit to you, it goes to show that he is still unsure about you or he is still not over his ex.
If he keeps on dodging the question of where things are at, he is probably not too keen to take the relationship forward.
Related: 11 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You
10. He keeps on bringing up her name randomly in conversations.
When we like someone, we can’t help but bring up their name randomly in our conversations. It is because that person is constantly on our mind.
If your partner keeps on bringing his ex’s name randomly in conversations, then you can imagine how much she is playing in his mind and how badly he misses her.
11. He still talks to her and hangs out with her without informing you.
Sometimes people stay friends with their exes especially if they were good friends before they started dating. But if your partner hangs out with his ex without even informing you, then he is not as honest in the relationship with you as he should be.
If he had no intention of getting back with his ex and if he shared a healthy relationship with you, he wouldn’t mind telling you about hanging out with his ex.
12. He’s hot and cold with you.
It is very easy to tell how a person feels about you if you watch their behavior. If someone genuinely likes you, his care and concern for you will be consistent. But if a person is unsure about their feelings about you, it will reflect in the inconsistency of their behavior.
If he goes on for days without talking to you and then comes back and showers you with love and affection only to disappear again, he is not really sure about his feelings about you and is just keeping you as an option.
Related: 17 Surefire Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (And What To Do About It)
13. The breakup wasn’t his choice.
Breakups are always hard, more so if the breakup isn’t your choice. The person at the receiving end of the break up has a hard time accepting that the relationship is over for good.
His mind struggles for closure. He keeps on wondering, “What did I do wrong?”, “Why couldn’t I read the signs that it is going to end?”, “What could I have done differently to save the relationship?”
If your partner is still struggling with these questions in his mind, he is definitely not over his ex and he needs some time to sort his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
Do you relate to any of these 13 signs he is not over his ex? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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