10 Things You MUST Know About Relationships

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Life has a way of answering questions you didnโ€™t even ask. As I reflect upon my adult life so far, I find this to be especially true when it comes to relationships. From being the recipient and the perpetrator of heartbreak, to cyclically selecting the wrong type, to over expectation, to self-doubt, to romantic blissโ€ฆ the list is seemingly endless on the ways I have grown in my understanding of relationship dynamics.

While Iโ€™m sure there is still plenty of room for self-sabotage and reflective growth, this is a list of 10 nuggets of wisdom I am happy to have shaped from my experiences thus far. I share this with the hope it will resonate with some of you, maybe even help; these are messages I have found in the mess.

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1. Healthy relationships come from within.

Just because you are available for a relationship doesnโ€™t mean you are ready for one. If youโ€™re not comfortable enough with yourself or with your own truth when entering a relationship, then youโ€™re not ready for that relationship. Donโ€™t make the other person suffer for your own lack of integrity or inability to embrace the truths of your life.

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2. Heartbreak may mean the end of a relationship, but itโ€™s not the end of love.

Know thisโ€ฆ life is too short to not kick fear in the ass and allow yourself to love again. People may call you a โ€œhopeless romantic.โ€ Be confident in knowing that you can be a romantic without being hopeless. There are good people out there; and that at least one of them is right for you. Donโ€™t let your pain, fear, or anyone convince you to settle for less.

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3. When entering into a personal relationship, be honest from the start.

Believe me when I tell you that I know itโ€™s tempting to lie and smear the truth, but it never helps. Itโ€™s simply better to be honest from the start. The feeling of disappointment that comes with the realization that you are incompatible is much better than the feeling of pain and betrayal that comes with finding out that either of you (or both) are full of crap.

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4. For a great love, cultivate a great friendship.

Endless love is fueled by endless friendship. If you want to have the greatest romance ever, have the greatest friendship ever. Cultivate it; do not let your friendships die. Remember, itโ€™s not a lack of love that destroys relationships; itโ€™s usually a lack of friendship.

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5. Be comfortableโ€ฆ but not too comfortable.

Sometimes the comfort of being in a relationship lulls you into mundane complacency; you become irrelevant in each otherโ€™s lives. We call this phenomenon growing apart. Donโ€™t let this happen to you. Keep the spark alive. Flirt. Be on your best behavior. Keep interested in each other. Go on dates. Keep the passion going. Express your appreciation. Be a good friend. The true dynamic of a successful friendship and relationship is when the respect is mutual and reciprocal.

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6. Have a funeral for past relationships.

Think of how liberating it would feel to have a funeral for past relationships and drama. Take the time to look back and give the past its proper recognition. Reflect upon what you can learn from your experiences; the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly. Learn and move on. Recognize past relationships for their impact on your life and most importantly, recognize them for what they areโ€ฆ gone. Let go.

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7. Donโ€™t try to control other peopleโ€™s behavior.

It is a tremendous burden to attach yourself to outcomes and behaviors you simply donโ€™t control. The only control you have is your own behavior, and thatโ€™s tough enough to control. What chance do you think you have of controlling otherโ€™s? Free yourself from such fruitless stressors. Instead of trying to control the behaviors of others, set a standard in your own life. Refuse to be disrespected, lied to, or mistreated. Set standards of personal behavior and standards of what you accept from others. Setting standards for yourself is a healthy and effective way to avoid the fruitless burden of trying to control others.

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8. We live in a multidimensional world. Donโ€™t live a one-dimensional love.

If you love someoneโ€ฆ feel it, speak it, show it, be it. Do more than tell themโ€ฆ show them. Let them feel your dedicated respect and your unwavering devotion. Ensure that your commitment and passion are known and unquestionable. Show them what they mean to youโ€ฆ what they are to you. Andโ€ฆ if you donโ€™t feel inspired to show your love in this multidimensional mannerโ€ฆ be kind enough to let them goโ€ฆ so they can find someone who will.

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9. Stay alert! Donโ€™t let someoneโ€™s words blind you from their behavior.

They can say all the right things, they can make you feel things youโ€™ve never felt before but donโ€™t be fooled; their actions will reveal their true character, desires, and priorities. Behavior speaks; pay attention to what it tells you. Behavior is math; pay attention to what it reveals.

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10. Donโ€™t live an on-hold life.

Stop just sitting around waiting for โ€œthe right one.โ€ The love of your life is out thereโ€ฆ but they wonโ€™t just drop on your lap, nor you on theirsโ€ฆ so stop living an on-hold life! Go out there and experience your life, write your story, and live your fairy tale. It is on that journey that youโ€™ll cross paths with the love thatโ€™s worthy of the story.

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ยฉ Steve Maraboli
โ€œUnapologetically Youโ€

Originally appeared on stevemaraboli.net
Printed with permission

You may also like:

Stay Single Until You Meet The Person Who Makes Love Easy

Why the Longer Youโ€™ve Been Single the Better Youโ€™ll Be in a Relationship

Relationships Are Not Easy, But They Are Worth It

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10 Things You MUST Know About Relationships

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