You Are Too Late

You are too late to come running back in my life after you left me without warning, and after I spent several nights tossing around my bed while I think of all the possible reasons why you walked away. You are too late to apologize because there is no more us after you abandoned me like it was no big deal. I was an idiot for wishing you would re-appear in my life — but you did not.

You are too late to say “please” because I have dried my tears out.

You are too late for a second chance because I have moved on.

You are too late to reply to the voice-mails I sent you with begging questions as to why you ended our relationship on “your own” terms and conditions. I was rooting for you to change your mind and tell me it was just a joke, a big prank, a part of your plan to surprise me on taking our relationship to the next level. But I was wrong. You were cruel. You are too late to cry and kneel in front of me because I sobbed a greater amount of tears than you do; I spent more hours lying on the cold floor feeling miserable.

You are too late.

Stop pretending that you’re sorry when you can’t even look me in the eyes. Stop saying you understand me when you don’t even care to ask how much agitation you have caused me. Stop acting like I’m going to welcome you again in my life when it’s crystal clear that you have no more spot in my heart.

NO! You are too late. You can’t go back in my life and have me ruined twice. I can’t afford another pain. I don’t want to be lost in my own thoughts again all because of you. I can’t let you in anymore because honestly, I’m going to lose my mind if I will allow you to have the privilege of hurting me again.

You are too late to fix me because I have already saved myself. You weren’t there when I felt lonely and had no one to rely my destructive thoughts and feelings.

You are too late to comfort me because I have already convinced myself to be strong. You weren’t there when I had a shitty day and needed someone to soothe me.

You are too late to give me sunshine because I have already given myself rainbows after the stormy weather you brought in my life. You were the cause of my depression and triggered my anxiety.

How dare you assume I’m happy that you finally show up?

I am done depending my happiness on you. 

I am done thinking you’re the only one who rescues me. 

I am done sacrificing my schedule to suit your time. 

I am done tidying the confusion you whirl in my mind

You are too late to love me again because I have nothing to offer to you anymore. You are too late to make me remember the feelings we used to have because I lost my special connections with you already. You are too late to miss me because when I look at you, I see a stranger rather than a person I have a longing for. You are too late to admit you’re guilty and you’re wrong because there’s no more us; we are done.

And it’s just too late rebuild the relationship that I already ended in “my own” terms and conditions, too.