When You Thought You Two Had A Future Together

When you thought you two had a happy and bright future together, but that didnโ€™t turn out to be true, and all you were left with were pieces of a broken relationship.

Even more than getting over the love, the time spent together, some of the hardest things to cope with during a breakup is the loss of a future together.

โ€œWe talked about marriage, and kids.โ€

โ€œWe spent many times describing our dream home and how many dogs weโ€™d have.โ€

Yeah, those thoughts and those conversations absolutely contribute to the grieving process. In many cases (I include myself here), itโ€™s harder to deal with this than the actual relationship and time you had.

Alongside hanging onto the future you two painted, thereโ€™s another factor that I feel intertwines in all of this, and itโ€™s hanging onto the story of how you two met.

Maybe you two have the same birthday and itโ€™s like what ARE the chances!? Itโ€™s got to be a sign, right?

Maybe you two met years ago and reconnected and it feels like fate.

Maybe you both grew up in the same town but met across the coast.

Maybe you two met when you were at work and they were a customer.

Okay, that last one was me with my ex when I worked at the pharmacy.

So, sometimes youโ€™re trying to wrap your head about the future, and also the story of how you guys met.

It swirls in your mindโ€ฆover and over.

Related: 4 Reasons Why You Should Dump The Guy You Have No Future With

Youโ€™ve likely talked about this with your friends at length and theyโ€™ve gently tried to nudge you that you canโ€™t hang onto the future or onto the story of how you met.

But, Iโ€™m here to tell you that your grieving process is your own, and itโ€™s perfectly normal (and expected in many ways) to grieve the loss of the future.

In this process, you might ask yourself (on repeat), โ€œso why did they say they loved me if they didnโ€™t see a future?โ€

โ€œWhy did they paint those elaborate vacations we had planned if they were never planning on taking me on them?โ€

Honestly, I canโ€™t answer this for you. What I can say is that asking questions about WTF happened during your relationship is healthy and normal when youโ€™re working through your breakup.

But Nancy, โ€œshould I get closure from them?โ€

โ€œShould I text them my angry messages to let them know how I feel about how they completely fooled me?โ€

Hereโ€™s my response: Listen to your intuition. If that subtle voice is saying, โ€œdonโ€™t text, donโ€™t text, DONโ€™T TEXTโ€ but you feel like you canโ€™t control itโ€ฆ.

Do this meditation.

Itโ€™s amazing what a perfectly-timed meditation can do to stop you from doing something you MAY regret.

But, truthfully, itโ€™s so hard to let go of those future plans you made. What helps me in these moments when I feel like Iโ€™m clinging to the โ€œwhat could have beenโ€ is reminding myself of all the times things DIDNโ€™T work out, and how grateful I am because of that.

I think about the job interviews, the first dates, and so many other things like even when I wanted to buy something and it was sold out, only to see I bought something way more suited for me a week later.

Itโ€™s only in the future when we can look back and really connect the dots as to way things went the way they did.

Future

I know when I was going through my last breakup, I held on for a long time to future-based visions of us, and that was my process. But eventually, through self-compassion and time, I allowed myself to see that thereโ€™s a better plan unfolding for me.

Truly, and I can sit here and type this to you because I have been where you are. It feels like you wonโ€™t meet someone as great, or youโ€™re never going to stop hurtingโ€ฆbut you will if you can just see even just a tiny little bit that this might be part of the plan.

Related: The Painful Side Of Love โ€“ When Two People in Love Can Never Be Together

If youโ€™re like โ€œNancy I want to believe that but today I just feel so hurt I canโ€™t,โ€ then take your time.

Thereโ€™s no set time to heal from a breakup. Itโ€™s your process. Cry it out. Throw a pity-party and stay in bed if you need to (for the 4th day in a row). Take care of yourself the best way you know how.

And then, when youโ€™re feeling a glimpse of hope, consider that youโ€™re exactly where you need to be, and thereโ€™s a beautiful plan unfolding for you.

Love,

Nancy

If you have any questions, you can contact Nancy Ruth Deenย here.


Written By Nancy Ruth Deen 
Originally Appeared In Hello Breakup
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