Virginity In A Relationship
Does virginity really matter in measuring the degree of passion and emotional bonding that you share with your partner in a relationship?
‘So, did you have sex before?’
This was a very common question I would face while dating men before I finally found someone who hardly cared about it.
Women are generally asked such type of nonsensical questions because sex is still tabooed in our society. Losing virginity is treated as a sin.
But luckily, things were different with my husband. Perhaps, I am happily married with twins because my husband never really cared about my virginity.
I was not a virgin when I met my husband.
I had dated men before and even slept with some of them. When I met my husband, I had a clear idea what I would want in a sex and knew what best I could offer during an intercourse.
For us, sex was never a priority. The other day, a friend of mine who is a psychologist by profession was telling me that she was noticing a tendency among people that people wanted to date in order to experience sex.
This has been leading to a lot of disappointments and heartbreaks. For us, neither I nor my husband dated because of want of sex.
We never wanted sex. sex was very natural for us. When both of us wanted sex, we went for it, with each other’s consent.
On the bed, I had experience. I knew what sort of positions I liked. I even asked him his favorite ones. We would go for the ones which matched or sometimes, we would choose whatever the other one liked. We even explored the possibilities of trying out different positions and explored ourselves.
For us, sex was not a necessity. For us, sex was something very natural and we enjoyed every moment. I was not shy or coy to reveal my body to him.
I never made him feel guilty of trying to see my body and making me embarrassed because I was never embarrassed. He explored my body not as a woman’s body but as the body of his beloved. I explored his body not as man’s body but as the body of my lover.
Exploring a body in terms of gender and exploring a body in terms of the relationship are two different things. We felt the second one.
That was the difference between being a virgin and having sex for the time and just experiencing sex. I had nothing to know about a man’s body, I had to understand my lover’s body.
I knew what a man’s body looked like. So, I focused on understanding the needs of my man during sex. Understanding his desires, his fetishes, how his orgasm works, what arouses him brought him more close to me.
I was open about my choices too. Sometimes, I would clearly tell him and sometimes he would find out. That was the joy of having sex with each other.
My husband slept with a lot of women before he dated me. Even I slept with men. There was nothing wrong in it.
We discussed our past experiences but never blamed another. We were clear about each other. We never felt that our relationship was at stake because we weren’t virgins. How can a relationship depend on virginity? That’s ridiculous.
In order to sustain a relationship, two people need to be loyal to each other, two people need to love each other. That’s what matters. They slept with other people before and that is past. How does it matter?
I am fortunate that when I met my husband, I was not a virgin. I dated him not because I wanted to try this thing called ‘sex’. I dated him because our frequencies matched with each other and we enjoyed being with other. Then we had sex.
Having sex doesn’t only mean you are getting physically involved. Having sex also means that you are getting psychologically involved. That’s what we did. We became closer to one another. We had no fear of leaving each other because the sex turned out bad. Even if it did at times, it didn’t affect our relationship at all just because I was not a virgin.
Read A Truth about Intimacy Love and Romance
Virginity is not a parameter to judge your bonding with your partner.
It’s a meaningless taboo that exists in our society. sex is a healthy activity that two adults should practice with each other making each other’s consent. Losing virginity comes with the added advantage of experience. If you are experienced in something, you are bound to improvise it for good. That’s what happened to us.
I improvised. In fact, my skill eased him at times when he was distressed professionally. We got the time to know each other on a psychological level.
Read 6 Ways To Increase Emotional Intimacy In Your Significant Relationships.
We know what we wanted from each other. It’s been a boon that I wasn’t a virgin at all. If virginity at all is a matter, then losing virginity is a positive sign and I did the right thing. So should you, too.
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