The Gray Rock Methodย can beย aย very effective way to handleย a narcissistย who you have to still interactย withย on aย regular basis. Communicating with a narcissist can be incredibly frustrating, especially when it matters that they comprehend what youโre saying.
I canโt tell you how many times Iโve felt exasperated when trying to have simple conversations with narcs who have become agitated and who are actively gaslighting.ย
They will be thicker than concrete walls, intentionally trying to misunderstand you and assume the worst of you, in every single word. You find yourself feeling hopeless like youโre unable to make your point โ and if youโre like me, itโs especially frustrating because you probably have no problem communicating with literally everyone else in your life.
Related: The Honest Truth About Life After A Toxic Relationship
I mean โ honestly, this has happened to me more times than I can count during conversations with narcissists โ and I am a writer who communicates for a living.
So awhile back, I wrote this post about the only way to effectively communicate with a narcissist, and in my experience, itโs the truth. In the post, I mentioned the Gray Rock Method, so I thought Iโd offer a bit of background and explanation of where it came from.
Who invented the โGray Rockโ Method?
As far as I can tell in my research, the โGray Rockโ method was so named by a person named Skylar in this post, written in 2012.
In part, Skylar says the gray rock method is, โprimarily a way of encouraging a narcissist, psychopath, stalker or other emotionally unbalanced people, to lose interest in you.โ
Related: Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships
How does the Gray Rock Method differ from the No-Contact rule?
Skylar says that the difference is โyou donโt blatantly try to avoid contact with the disordered individual.โ
Instead, she advises, โyou allow contact but only gives boring, monotonous responses so that the mentally-unwell person must go elsewhere to get their need for drama gratified.โ
Skylar adds: โย One might say that Gray Rock is a way of breaking up with a psychopath by using the old, โItโs not you, itโs meโ excuse, except that you act it out instead of saying it and the psychopath comes to that conclusion on his own.โ
Why does the Gray Rock Method work?
According to Skylar: โThere are gray rocks and pebbles everywhere you go, but you never notice them. None of them attract your attention. You donโt remember any specific rock you saw today because they blend with the scenery. That is the type of boring that you want to channel when you are dealing with a psychopath. Your boring persona will camouflage you and the psychopath wonโt even notice you were there. This method strikes at the heart of the psychopathโs motivation: to avoid boredom.โ
What are the most important components of successfully using the Gray Rock Method?
Rule number one when it comes to practicing the Gray Rock Method is to never tell the narcissist youโre doing so. If you do, heโll definitely figure out a way to use it against you.
Never ask questions of the narcissist and donโt offer any โcommittalโ responses โ just say things like โhmmโ or โmhmmโ โ keep it casual.
If possible, discuss only โsafeโ topics, such as the news, social media โ fashion, cooking, etc. Nothing that would be personal โ even if the narc begs you for it. Drama free is the way to be!
Related: The Aftermath Of A Relationship With A Narcissist
Try to be distracted during the conversation so that you donโt have to directly look the narcissist in the eye the whole time. Make it something simple like doodling in a notebook or checking your text messages, or something more complicated such as knitting a scarf or working on a document for work. If you focus a bit more on your activity, you wonโt be as directly affected by the narcissistโs attempts to manipulate you during the conversation.
Most importantly during this practice, keep your head in the game and donโt allow the narcissist to get inside your head. Narcs are expert โguilt-trippersโ and have no qualms about making you โfeel badโ so that youโll try to justify or defend your intentions โ donโt fall into the trap.
What else should I consider before I try the Gray Rock Method?
One important thing to know about the Gray Rock Method is that there is a level at which it can become unsafe for you psychologically โ and thatโs when you begin to experience symptoms of dissociation.
A lot of people donโt realize that these two are connected, but hereโs what happens.
When you learn to use this method and you find out how effective it can be when it comes to dealing with your narcissist, you may find that it is a great way to deal with EVERYTHING that is an issue in your life.
Related: Why Romance Turns Toxic: The Psychology Behind Love & Relationships
The problem with this is that you begin to truly stop caring โ and your ability to feel your own emotions diminishes. This is a major issue because you donโt just stop feeling pain and anxiety โ you stop feeling the good stuff too.
If you think youโre dissociating, itโs time toย take further actionย to deal with your narcissist โ you can start here, withย this resource page.
Now itโs your turn โ have you ever used the Gray Rock Method? How did it work for you, and what tips would you offer for someone whoโs trying it for the first time? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
Written Byย Angela Atkinson
Originally Published Onย Queenbeeing.com
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