The 3 Stages Of Love You Must Go Through Before You Get Married

Written By:

Written By:

Stages Of Love You Must Go Through Before You Get Married 2

Before you get married, you need to understand that each couple goes through 3 stages of love in a relationship. So, find out which phase you are in, and why you shouldnโ€™t get married if youโ€™re only in Stage 1.

The average couple will spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars preparing for their wedding day. I get it. Itโ€™s an important lovely day. Itโ€™s a party for family and friends and, in some cases, an opportunity for the brideโ€™s childhood dreams to come true.

Over 50 percent of these well-spent couples will end up divorced. There doesnโ€™t appear to be any correlation between the lavishness of the wedding and the health and longevity of the marriage.

Related: The 50 Best Marriage Tips EVER

So, while youโ€™re doing everything you can to prepare for your wedding day, you might want to consider the 50 years that youโ€™ll, hopefully, be spending together after the honeymoon. Consider adding someย Marriage Preparationย to yourย Wedding Planning.

In the phases of love make sure you choose your life partner carefully

Statistics show that couples who do some premarital counseling, divorce approximately 30 percent less than those who donโ€™t!ย Itโ€™s like buying insurance.

I can hear you saying, โ€œBut weโ€™re in love. We donโ€™t need therapy.โ€ย And you may not. But, if you want to know how to prepare for marriage, this is one day.

Premarital Counseling is not always therapy in the classic sense. Yes, some couples do come in for help in resolving certain issues that surface in the face of wedding planning.

Iโ€™m thinking specifically of financial pressures, religious differences, and family dynamics.

But even if youโ€™re not exactly struggling with one another, now is a good time to learn better communication skills and put some important tools in your Marriage Toolbox to give your new marriage every opportunity to succeed.

Did you know, for example, that relationships unfold in predictable stages?

What Are The Stages Of Romantic Relationships? 3 Stages Of Love

1. The First Stage Of Romantic Love โ€“ Romantic Stage

Nature helps us out with a chemical cocktail to get us going. We are flooded with cortisol, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. These hormones increase our alertness, pleasure, motivation, trust, attachment, sexual arousal, attraction, and obsessive thinking while decreasing our sadness, fear, and boredom.

This is where we fall in love, believing that weโ€™ve found our soulmate and that nothing could ever go wrong.ย For a lot of people, this stage is where the decision to marry and the proposal takes place.

2. Power Struggle Stage Of Relationship

For better or worse, the Romantic stage is not meant to last. After several months (up to twoย years), it is replaced with the next stage, theย Power Struggleย stage.

At this point, the chemicals wear off and we slowly (or suddenly) begin to see that our partners are not actually perfect.ย 

We may begin a campaign to get them to change back to the way that they were when we were in the Romantic Stage.ย The only problem is that this is their true selves. Weโ€™ve just lost our chemically induced rose-colored glasses.

Research tells us that the average amount of time that a couple waits to seek counseling after they begin theย Power Struggleย stage is sixย years.

This means that they will experience a significant degree of discomfort and unhappiness while trying to negotiate the natural ups and downs of their relationship dynamicโ€ฆ usually without the right tools!

Research also shows that there is a window of opportunity during the year before the wedding and the six months or so after when couples can receive the optimum benefit from marriage preparation.

Later, under stress, negative habits and relationship patterns may become established and be much harder to resolve.

Related:ย The 5 Stages of A Relationship

3. The Mature Love Stage

If you can get premarital counseling, either before or during theย Power Struggle stage of your relationship, you can avoid much pain and agony, as well as circumvent the formation of bad relationship habits.

With guidance from a trained Relationship Therapist, you can learn an effective way to communicate better, resolve conflicts, and deepen intimacy.

In other words, you can leave theย Power Struggleย behind and move toward Stage 3: Mature Love.

The thing that you will learn in the pursuit of deep and lasting love with your partner is that we donโ€™t get married to be happy. While being happy is nice, actually, marriage has a higher mission.ย Its mission is to assist each other in transformation.

When we experience conflict it is the opportunity for growth and expansion of our highest selves.

One of the stages of love before marriage that you face

Our spouse becomes our ally in helping us to reach our highest potential as human beings. Your marriage becomes a living laboratory where our deepest wounds are triggered and, hopefully, healed.

The healing, however, can only take place when you have the right tools.ย Arguing and fighting about or burying and ignoring issues, will not promote healing. In fact, this is more likely to cause even deeper wounding with the person you love most.

Related:ย 7 Signs You Need Immediate Emotional Healing

What are these tools to healing?

  • Deep listening without judgment
  • Presence
  • Connection through touch and eye contact
  • Curiosity about your partnerโ€™s world
  • Zero negativity
  • Learning and speaking your spouseโ€™s love language
  • Patience
  • Creating sacred relationship space
  • Consciousness
  • Mutual goal setting

In an ideal world, we would all have the capacity to stay centered and present in the face of our spouseโ€™s upsetting behaviors.

We would be able to employ these tools easily without emotional reactivity. The truth, however, is that itโ€™s difficult and requires coaching and practice.

John Gottman, PhD, a leading researcher in marital relationships, found that couples who stay married work to keep criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling (refusing to discuss) out of their relationships.

He calls these โ€œThe Four Horsemen of the Apocalypseโ€.

Indeed, these patterns can become apocalyptic in your relationship, especially when repeated over time. In premarital counseling, you can begin replacing those habits with good, healthy communication patterns including the tools listed above.

Now you know that itโ€™s important to get some help learning and using good communication tools before the wedding.

But what are the topics youโ€™ll want to address with your fiance during your marriage preparation? Start with these:

  • Shared goals
  • Lifestyle Expectations
  • Finances
  • sexuality and Intimacy
  • Families of Origin
  • Religion and Values
  • Parenting
  • Personality Traits
  • Careers

Related:ย What Is Your Love Language? Take This 6 Question Quiz To Find Out

Couples today face more demands and have less support than ever before.

The typical marriage is complex and includes managing two careers while rearing children without much support from extended family.ย Gone are the days where Mom and Dad live next door and are available to help in tangible ways.

Parents are likely to still be young and vital enough to be working, traveling and pursuing their own interests. It is more necessary than ever to build a strong foundation with your spouse that will get you through the stresses and strains of modern life.

Marriage preparation functions as an immunization that boosts your capacity to handle potential difficulties.ย  Why not give yourself every advantage to succeed?

And if you want to know more about 3 love stages, healthy or toxic relationships, hereโ€™s a video:


Originally appeared on Your tango
3 Stages Of Love
Stages Of Love You pin
Stages Of Love You Must Go Through Before You Get Married pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

, ,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Which Romance Trope Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

Which Romance Trope Are You? Zodiac Romantic Love Tropes

Valentineโ€™s Day 2025 will soon be here, so have you wondered which romance trope are you like? Your zodiac sign might lead you to your perfect love story. Letโ€™s explore!

Maybe youโ€™re a passionate love, or perhaps a slow burn that evolves into something beautiful over time? Each zodiac sign has its own set of traits that align with some of the most beloved romance tropes.

From forbidden attraction, or the classic โ€œopposites attractโ€, thereโ€™s a love story that mirrors your zodiac essence. So, what romance trope are you? Letโ€™s dive into the stars and see the zodiac signs as romance tropes!

Read More Here:

Up Next

8 K-Drama Childhood Friends to Lovers: Why Youโ€™ll Fall in Love All Over Again

Swoon Worthy Childhood Friends To Lovers Kdramas

Letโ€™s be real, weโ€™re all tired of the cringe-worthy, dramatic American teen series that are so predictable. Thatโ€™s childhood friends to lovers trope is calling your name. The slow-burn romance of a k-drama is just Chefโ€™s kiss!

The kind of chemistry that takes time to build, so youโ€™re hanging on to every little glance, every meaningful pause. The kind that makes you say, โ€œDid they justโ€ฆ or did I just imagine that?โ€

So, hold your horses because kdrama childhood friends to lovers is filled with emotions that are deep, and the way they take their time to explore complex feelings will have you swooning like no teenage heartthrob ever could.

So without further ado, letโ€™s take a look at 8 childhood friends to lovers kdramas, These will have you hooked and thinking about your childhood

Up Next

5 Secrets Of Mismatched Couples: Why Opposites Attract and Stay Together

When it comes to relationships, people often say that “opposites attract.” But how can two people who seem so different in personality, lifestyle, or even values make it work in the long run? Mismatched couples might not appear to be a natural fit, but many of them build lasting, meaningful relationships despite, their differences.

In fact, there are a few secrets to why mismatched relationships not only begin but thrive over time. Here are five reasons why mismatched couples end up togetherโ€”and stay together.

Read More Here… The Goldilocks Method for Getting Your Needs Met In A Relationship

Up Next

Loving More Than One Person Is Possible

Is Loving More Than One Person Possible? Important Points

The idea of loving more than one person simultaneously challenges conventional notions of love and relationships. Is love far more complex and fluid than we realize? Let’s find out!

Polyamory’s historical context and its meaning today.

Key points

In polyamory it is recognized that loving more than one person is possible.

Historically, monogamy has never been as strict as we might imagine.

Humans are fundamentally shapeshifters; our preferences are far more fluid than we tend to acknowledge.

Up Next

16 Mahmoud Darwish Quotes On The Depths Of Love And Life

Mahmoud Darwish Quotes On Depths Of Love Life

Do you want poetry to touch your life forever? Then take a look at some of the beautiful Mahmoud Darwish quotes and poetry, it’ll surely change how you see the world!

Mahmoud Darwish, an influential Palestinian poet, is celebrated for his profound reflections on love, life, identity, and homeland.

Known for his powerful verses that explore both the beauty and the pain of existence, Darwish’s work resonates across cultures and generations. Hereโ€™s a journey through some of his most evocative quotes and

Up Next

Calling All Hopeless Romantics: An Official List of the Best Rom-Coms of All Time

A List Of Best Rom-Coms Of All Time

Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a die-hard cynic, there’s something undeniably comforting about a good rom-com. From grand gestures to laugh-out-loud moments, these films hit all the right notes when you’re in the mood for love, laughter, and maybe a few tears. But with so many out there, which ones truly stand the test of time? Weโ€™ve sifted through decades of charming meet-cutes and memorable one-liners to bring you the ultimate list of the best rom-coms ever. Let’s get started, shall we?

15 Best Rom-Coms Of All Time

1. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Is there any rom-com moment more iconic than โ€œIโ€™ll have what sheโ€™s havingโ€? This class

Up Next

3 Zodiac Signs That Donโ€™t Believe In Love: They Think Romance Is โ€˜Overratedโ€™

Zodiac Signs That Dont Believe In Love

Love is often celebrated as one of the most important things in life, but not everyone feels that way. For some, the idea of romantic love is less thrilling and more “overrated.” So, take a look at 3 zodiac signs that don’t believe in love anymore!

Whether itโ€™s due to past experiences, personality traits, or simply a different perspective, a few zodiac signs are known for their skepticism about love.

Here are three zodiac signs that donโ€™t believe in loveโ€”or have stopped believing in love, and why they think romance just isnโ€™t all itโ€™s cracked up to be.