When it comes to relationships, the little things often mean a lot more than grand gestures. However, sweet talks can also be red flag phrases. Look below to find out if your partner is trying to manipulate and control you with sweet nothings in the relationship.
Simple compliments and loving words from our partner can often turn a bad day into a happy one. When your partner uses the right romantic phrases to express their passion, desire, and love, it can easily melt your heart.
“Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.” – Lemony Snicket
Sometimes all the love, the grand gestures and the romantic compliments are simply a cover up to hide their uglier realities.
The truth is, there is a huge difference between a partner who is loving and caring and someone who is controlling, manipulative and jealous.
Just like in life, if things seem too good to be true in your relationship, it probably is. If your partner is trying too hard to charm and woo you, it can very well mean that they have dubious intentions. Your knight in shining armor or your enchanted princess might not be the perfect sweetheart they pretend to be.
Although these romantic phrases, compliments, and gestures may hint at a healthy, lasting relationship, in reality, these may turn out to be serious relationship red flags in disguise.
Read: 6 Early Red Flags Of A Toxic Relationship
Are You Confusing Relationship Red Flags For Romantic Gestures?
The excitement and passion of a new relationship can often make us blind to reality. Most of us have dated someone who seemed perfect initially but eventually turned out to be a toxic person or even worse…a narcissist.
We like to believe that they took us for a ride and we were foolish enough to fall for their trap. However, there are always warning signs which we conveniently choose to ignore because the relationship red flags are disguised as flattering romantic acts and phrases.
Today, most of us are well versed with the typical relationship red flags as the dating scene has become highly complicated. But there are some subtle warning signs which we can confuse for green flags during the initial stage of the relationship.
Charming behaviors like an abundance of promises, compliments, and kind words during the early days can appear very positive and loving. But this is where we usually make the mistake as we are unable to identify the red flags disguised as green flags.
Although there are still plenty of genuine men and women out there who are actually romantic and like to express their love by showering you with compliments, you need to be able to identify the red and green flags distinctly so that you know very well where your relationship is heading.
5 Romantic But Toxic Red Flag Phrases In A Relationship
“Liars make the best promises.” – Pierce Brown
Subtle warning signs are usually easy to miss, especially when they come disguised as compliments, promises and romantic phrases. Here are 5 romantic phrases that you need to watch out for in a relationship:
1. “You’re perfect the way you are.”
Yes, we are all perfect the way we are. But then again, we are not. We are all flawed with our unique strengths and weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. It’s one thing for your partner to accept you just the way you are, but when they see you as something out of this world and put you on a pedestal, then it can spell doom real fast.
This just means that your partner expects you to be perfect all the time and if you ever do anything wrong or fail to meet their expectations, it will be completely unacceptable for them.
In a relationship, both partners should have the space to make mistakes and should be able to forgive each other. If your partner thinks of you as perfect then they have an unrealistic version of you in their mind.
2. “Don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”
It can feel great to know that your partner appreciates you and needs you in their life to feel fulfilled. However, a healthy individual should be independent and able to function by themselves. Otherwise, they will act exceptionally needy and desperate in a relationship leading to a loss of attraction and toxicity in the relationship.
These types of people usually feel lost when they are not in a relationship and tend to move from one lover to another quickly to maintain the victim-rescuer equation in the relationship.
3. “You’re so much better than my ex.”
“The best way to remain in your relationship is to keep other people out of your relationship.” – Carlos Wallace
Although this may be an ego booster for some people, disrespecting an ex-lover is never a good sign. It only goes to show that your partner likes to compare and probably mentally compares your current relationship with their previous one. It may also mean that they are not fully over their ex-partner.
What is most alarming is that this comparison game hints at toxic relationship patterns which usually spill over to their future relationships. Your partner should appreciate you for who you are as a unique individual and not compare you to how good or bad their last partner was. Comparisons like these will always bring their ex between you and your lover and make your relationship weaker.
Read: 13 Red Flags Of A Doomed Relationship
4. “You’re the reason of my happiness. I’ve never been so happy in my life.”
“If you can’t be happy and content by yourself then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.” – Evan Sutter
When you’re in love with someone, you feel a deep emotional connection with them. And so being with your partner can make you feel a lot happier than you were before. But when one partner is the only source of happiness for the other partner, then it can be a serious red flag for the relationship. Soon the healthy happy relationship will turn into a dysfunctional one.
To understand this better, make sure you identify the following early in the relationship:
- Is your partner is able to control his/her emotions?
- Do they have a high sense of self-esteem and self-worth?
- Are they able to live a happy and satisfying life independently?
- Are they happy in their personal life outside the relationship?
- Do they have any passions or interests which they pursue?
- Do they love themselves?
Identifying these will enable you to understand your partner better and if they live a fulfilling and satisfying life autonomously. If your partner gives you excess credit for their happiness, then be sure that they will give you all the blame for their failures, sadness, frustration, anger, and depression as well.
5. “I want to spend every waking moment with you.”
Although it may be an adorable thought, in reality, couples who spend all their time together are in an unhealthy relationship. This just shows that your partner is clingy and wants all your time to themselves. When your partner needs to spend all of his/her time with you, it means they possessive and jealous.
They have a sense of ownership over you. And in the future, such neediness can lead to abusive behavior.
It’s okay to want to spend time with your partner. But when it comes to relationships and spending time with your lover, quality matters more than quantity.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend feels threatened by you needing space and spending time with your family & friends or if you are focusing on your career, then you need to pay closer attention. If they demand more time from you, then it is surely a relationship red flag. However, make sure you are not neglecting your partner in the first place.
Read: 18 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Read Between The Lines…
“He that flatters you more than you desire either has deceived you or wishes to deceive.” – Italian Proverb
When your partner truly appreciates you, it will come across when they say even the simplest things. It doesn’t necessarily have to be compliments or romantic phrases.
When someone loves you and they are genuine, you will know it from their touch, the way they look at you and speak to you. Granted they may be really good at giving you compliments and truly mean them but when the flattery goes overboard, you need to take notice.
Just because your partner is devoted to you or idolizes you or says exactly what you want to hear does not mean they are right for you. It does not mean this is a healthy and lasting relationship.
A true partner will tell you where you are going wrong as much as what they like about you. They will appreciate your flaws as much as your uniqueness. They will know how to make you feel loved without using chosen words to influence your thoughts and emotions all the time.
“Flattery is like friendship in the show, but not in fruit.” – Socrates
Pay attention to what they say, how they say, and the real message hidden inside those compliments you love to hear.
Stay alert and watch out for the relationship red flags in front of you.
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