Ever heard of internet infidelity or cheating on your partner with someone you met online? Or have you ever tried surviving internet infidelity?
Have you recently (or not so recently) discovered that your partner is having an affair online and are looking to understand if and how surviving internet infidelity is possible?
Are you wondering if internet infidelity is worse than in person?
Internet infidelity is a relatively new phenomenon. The degrees of online infidelity range from simply consistent chatting with someone to regular, intense intimate sharing. Both of them can be considered infidelity.
It’s important that you examine your feelings around what has occurred to decide how you feel about what your partner has done. Can you ever trust them again? Can you forgive them but not forgive? Is what happened beyond redemption, do you think?
Once you know how you feel, you can decide whether you want to stay in this relationship or go.
And, either way, you need to start working on surviving internet infidelity so it doesn’t destroy you.
1. Let go of self-blame.
Do you blame yourself that your partner strayed? Do you think that if you had only been nicer or funnier or skinnier or had more sex with them that they wouldn’t have cheated on you?
Do you chide yourself for being so clueless that you didn’t see the signs, that you missed the fact that your partner was stepping out on you?
Let me tell you, your partner’s infidelity is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Infidelity happens for many reasons but it doesn’t happen because of things that you didn’t do. More often than not, infidelity is something that happens not because someone seeks it out but because two people meet and there is an attraction that proves irresistible.
Blame is a double-edged sword but if anyone must be blamed it’s those who couldn’t resist, who proved weak in the face of temptation and who lied to you over and over.
I know it’s hard but work hard to not blame yourself because you are not to blame.
Looking for some inspiration to feel positive about yourself? Read 10 Things That Happen When You Finally Pull Yourself Together
2. Accept your feelings.
Do you find yourself struggling with a wide range of emotions?
Do you find yourself crying one minute, raging another, way too happy and then back to the tears? Do you find yourself sitting in the car looking out the window only to realize that an hour has passed?
People whose partners have strayed struggle with unstable emotions and disorientation. The pain that has been caused them is so extreme that it can render their emotions uncontrollable. Because of the power of these emotions, our brain can get overwhelmed and disorientation is the result.
Time will help with emotions that are out of control – they are strongest right after the pain is caused but they dissipate as time goes on. Often times, without help, they don’t go away completely but they can, at the very least, be managed. And when managed, the disorientation will be resolved.
For now, have the awareness that the wide range of emotions that you are struggling with are completely natural. Chiding yourself for feeling them, for not staying calm, for being angry with life and at the same so very sad will only make the emotions worse. Furthermore, not pushing the feelings down but letting yourself feel them and letting them go is the best way to work through them in a productive way.
Accepting and feeling your emotions as a part of the healing process will allow them to help you do that – heal.
3. Manage those intrusive thoughts.
Do you find yourself obsessing over and over with the images of your partner committing infidelity? Do you regularly chide yourself for missing the signs? Do you question your self-worth and wonder if you are worthy of love? Do you spend more time in your head than you do in the now, living your life?