The silent decline of trust isn’t something most of us notice right away – it shows up in small ways, like overthinking a text or assuming the worst too quickly. What we are really seeing is a deeper decline of trust in society, shaped by how disconnected and uncertain everyday interactions have become.
The way we communicate has changed, but our need to feel safe with each other hasn’t. Maybe the bigger question now is how to build trust again in a world that often feels distant. Read on to know more about how we can build trust again and feel a sense of community.
KEY POINTS
- Technology removes the small human moments our brains rely on to feel safe and connected.
- Ambiguous digital communication fuels misinterpretations and heightens vigilance.
- Loneliness increases threat sensitivity, leading us to assume the worst about others.
The Silent Decline of Trust in Modern Life
We used to be a lot more trusting of others. Just a couple of generations ago, Americans reported dramatically higher levels of trust in one another and in their institutions.
Surveys from the 1950s found that, at that time, roughly three-quarters of people believed the government would “do the right thing most of the time,” and about 60 percent said their neighbors were trustworthy.
Today, those numbers have fallen to under one-quarter for government trust and closer to one-third for social trust. And, among younger adults, trust in neighbors drops into the teens (Brooks, 2019).
Today, we just don’t have the same sense that our well-being is being looked after by others.
Related: Why Is Loneliness on the Rise In Modern Society? The Psychology Behind It
Our lives didn’t used to rely on screens for daily communication. We used to know our neighbors personally. Everyday life consisted of countless small interactions, not just emails and texts.
There is a sense of shared safety that erodes when we can’t look another in the eye, hear someone’s laugh, or see their emotional expression. And lacking it, we’re left feeling wary, on guard, and unsure of whom to trust.
Technology has made us no less human, but it has removed many of the conditions that trust relies on from our daily lives. When we feel lonely and isolated from one another, we live in an environment that is fertile for the growth of suspicion.
What Is Trust, Really?
As a relationship therapist, I see trust issues as the core of almost all relationship problems. Trust is the felt sense that our well-being matters to another person.
When you know, deep down, that what is best for you is fully seen, understood, and prioritized above all else by another person, you trust them. And when you trust them, you give them the benefit of the doubt.
When they mess up, you give them grace because you see them as having your best interests at heart and don’t feel threatened by them slipping up sometimes.
The ingredients of trust include, first and foremost, familiarity. There’s a reason that we are naturally more suspicious of strangers, before getting the chance to know them and understand their intentions.
Only when we know someone deeply can we trust them. The process of building trust involves relationship experiences that prove that someone is consistent and predictable throughout time.
When people are accessible during times of need and responsive when we bring up our feelings, we build trust (Johnson, 2004).
How Technology Has Been Affecting Trust
When engaged in a face-to-face conversation, we pick up warmth cues automatically. Technology, while convenient in many ways, removes or distorts many of these cues.
Digital communication introduces more ambiguity, which the brain interprets as threatening (LeDoux, 1996). A delayed reply, a dry text, a message left on read: these things can register in the brain as small ruptures, even when they’re benign.
Over time, they accumulate and shape our expectations of other people, and this effect is only amplified with social media. Algorithms place us in different informational worlds.
Pew Research Center has documented sharp increases in polarization and decreases in trust in institutions as media environments become more personalized, demonstrating that technology can fracture our sense of shared meaning.
Given that the brain is wired to protect us from uncertainty, when interactions lack context or clarity, the brain leans toward “better safe than sorry,” putting us on high alert.
I often see this in my work with distressed couples: when trust has eroded in a relationship, partners interpret neutral behaviors negatively, a phenomenon Dr. John Gottman coined from his research, “Negative Sentiment Override.”
Text messages are commonly misinterpreted because they lack nonverbal cues, leaving ample room for negative interpretations to fill in the blanks. This Negative Sentiment Override is with us in public life as well.
People assume hidden motives, view strangers as threats, and interpret differences as danger. And as a result, we are quick to jump to conclusions and slow to give the benefit of the doubt.
Technology amplifies misunderstanding but rarely allows the same kind of repair as face-to-face interaction. We’re swimming in rupture without resolution.
Technology gives the illusion of social contact, but without the nervous-system soothing that happens in the presence of another person.
Studies show that increased social media use is associated with higher reported loneliness and lower trust (Primack et. al, 2017).
And, people who report high levels of loneliness tend to interpret social cues more negatively and to expect rejection or exploitation; loneliness makes us less trusting of others (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009).
As a society, we are stuck in a vicious cycle where technology is making us lonelier, and loneliness is making us less trusting, which is making us more and more isolated.
Related: Loneliness Or Solitude? 5 Social Withdrawal Symptoms And How To Overcome
Rebuilding Trust in a Digitally Driven World
Even though distrust is increasingly widespread, we can intentionally build it in our own lives. Human beings are built for connection, and trust grows reliably when we recreate the conditions it depends on.
We just have to reintroduce the small, steady, corrective experiences that make us feel safe with one another.
To build trust, we need genuine in-person connection. Our nervous systems relax when we can see someone’s face, hear their tone, and feel their presence.
Even a few reliable, face-to-face relationships can shift our sense of safety and soften the vigilance that comes from chronic ambiguity.
Break the cycle by making a point to say hello to your neighbors, chat up the barista at the coffee shop, or ask the fellow passenger on the bus how they’re day is going.
This is also a call to notice how ambiguity might be impacting your relationships and views toward others. A little generosity goes a long way. When uncertainty is high and trust is low, it’s easy to assume the worst.
But choosing even once a day to give someone the benefit of the doubt interrupts the cycle of suspicion and reminds us that most people are doing their best and have good intentions.
Technology has changed how we interact, but it hasn’t changed what helps us feel safe. The only way to truly build trust is through presence, warmth, and consistent care, often in the tiny moments of life.
When we bring those moments back into our lives, even gradually, our sense of trust can begin to grow again.
References:
Brooks, D. (2019). The second mountain: The quest for a moral life. Random House.
Cacioppo, J. T., & Hawkley, L. C. (2009). Perceived social isolation and cognition. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 13(10), 447–454. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2009.06.005
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
LeDoux, J. E. (1996). The emotional brain: The mysterious underpinnings of emotional life. Simon & Schuster.
Pew Research Center. (2019). Americans' views of the problems facing the nation.
Primack, B. A., Shensa, A., Sidani, J. E., Whaite, E. O., Lin, L. Y., Rosen, D., Colditz, J. B., Radovic, A., & Miller, E. (2017). Social media use and perceived social isolation among young adults in the U.S. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 53(1), 1–8. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2017.01.010
www.Dr-Tasha.com
Written by Tasha Seiter MS, PhD, LMFT
Originally Appeared on Psychology Today
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