Nate Postlethwait Quotes: When Both Parents Are Part of the Pain
If you had a parent who was abusive and another parent who supported and enabled them, you had two abusive parents.
– Nate Postlethwait
Some Nate Postlethwait quotes don’t just make you think—they stop you in your tracks.
One in particular has struck a deep chord for so many people who grew up in dysfunctional homes: “If you had a parent who was abusive and another parent who supported and enabled them, you had two abusive parents.”
Read that again. Let it sink in. If you’re someone who grew up with abusive parents, this truth can feel both validating and painful.
When we talk about growing up with abusive parents, most people imagine the loud, aggressive, obvious abuser—the one who yelled, hit, shamed, or manipulated. But what about the parent who stood quietly in the corner?
The one who watched it happen and did nothing? The one who always told you, “That’s just how they are,” or “Let’s not make things worse”? That parent might’ve seemed like the safe one. Maybe you even clung to them emotionally just to survive. But enabling abuse is abuse, too.
That’s the heavy truth Nate Postlethwait is shining light on. When a child is growing up in an abusive environment, both action and inaction shape them. A parent who refuses to intervene is still participating in the harm, even if they never raised their voice or hand.
And for those of us who were raised like that, it can mess with our heads. Because now, as adults, we’re left trying to sort through a web of confusing memories. Maybe you’ve defended the “quiet” parent your whole life.
Maybe you’ve excused their silence because they “had it hard too.” But part of healing from abusive parents is being honest about what really happened. Not just to forgive, not to blame—but to understand yourself.
Growing up with abusive parents doesn’t always look like screaming and bruises. Sometimes it looks like one parent yelling while the other looks away. One punishing you while the other says, “Go say sorry so it’s over.”
Related: When Parents Offer Gaslighting Instead of Love: Surviving Your Own Mother and Father
It’s being told to keep the peace instead of being protected. And when both parents play a role—whether through direct abuse or silent permission—it leaves a mark.
Nate Postlethwait has become a powerful voice in the mental health space for this very reason. He names the things many of us didn’t know how to say. His work helps people break through the fog and say, “Wait… that wasn’t okay.” And that kind of clarity? That’s where healing starts.
Because the truth is, if you’re still trying to make sense of your childhood, you’re not alone. So many people are now unpacking what growing up with abusive parents really meant—how it shaped their relationships, their self-worth, their anxiety, their need to please, or their fear of conflict.
And it’s hard work. But it’s also freeing.
You don’t have to keep pretending it wasn’t that bad just because one parent “wasn’t as mean.” You’re allowed to say both of them hurt you in different ways. You’re allowed to stop protecting their reputation at the cost of your own healing.
One of the most powerful things you can do is name the reality you lived through. That’s what Nate Postlethwait quotes remind us: your pain is real, your story is valid, and your healing matters.
Recognizing both parents’ roles isn’t about assigning blame—it’s about reclaiming truth.
So if this resonates, take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re remembering. And that’s brave.
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