Phrases that hurt kids can leave lasting emotional impressions, even if spoken in the heat of the moment. These seemingly harmless remarks often turn out to be damaging phrases for kids, quietly shaping how they view themselves and the world.
The things parents say that hurt can affect a child’s confidence, trust, and emotional development. Here are seven hurtful things parents say to kids that can do more harm than many realize.
KEY POINTS
- Expressing disappointment without support can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
- Constant comparisons can crush a child’s self-esteem and create unhealthy competition.
- Being mindful of how we speak to our children can make a world of difference.
Many parents have found themselves deeply humbled when their children share painful memories of things said to them in moments of frustration.
Parenting, after all, is much like trying to fold a fitted sheet—no matter how hard you try, it never looks perfect. The key is to embrace the wrinkles and focus on the love and effort you put in.
Parenting is a journey filled with both joy and challenges. In stressful moments, words can slip out that parents later regret.
While these statements may seem harmless or justified at the time, as a child psychologist, I have seen firsthand that they can affect a child’s self-esteem and emotional well-being.
Let’s explore seven common phrases parents often regret saying and how they shape a child’s experience.
Related: Does Gentle Parenting Work?
7 Phrases That Hurt Kids More Than Parents Realize
1. Making Comparisons Between Siblings
Example: In exasperation, a parent might say, “Why can’t you act more like your brother?”
Regret: Such comparisons can foster resentment and unhealthy competition among siblings, leading to feelings of unappreciation and strained relationships.
2. Using Absolute Statements
Example: A parent might express frustration by saying, “You always forget what I tell you.”
Regret: Absolute statements can make a child feel incapable of change, potentially affecting their self-confidence and motivation.
3. Expressing Disappointment Without Support
Example: Parents might convey disappointment by stating, “We thought you would do better.”
Regret: While having expectations is natural, expressing disappointment without offering support can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in children.
4. Dismissing a Child’s Emotions
Example: A parent might say, “You’re overreacting; it was just a joke.”
Regret: Invalidating a child’s emotions can hinder their ability to express themselves, lead them to suppress feelings, and affect their emotional intelligence.
5. Labeling a Child Negatively
Example: In a moment of frustration, a parent might say, “You’re being lazy.”
Regret: As I describe in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, negative labeling can damage a child’s self-image and motivation, making it challenging to develop a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility.
6. Comparing Them to Other Children
Example: Parents might express frustration by saying, “Look at how well your friend is doing; why can’t you do the same?”
Regret: Such comparisons can harm a child’s self-esteem and create unhealthy competition, leading to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
7. Uttering Hurtful Statements in Anger
Example: In anger, a parent might say, “I wish you weren’t here right now.”
Regret: Hurtful statements made in anger can leave deep emotional scars, causing children to struggle with feelings of rejection and low self-worth.
Related: 8 Signs of Poor Parenting That Has A Negative Impact On Kids
The Power of Words in Parenting
Parenting is a challenging journey, and it’s natural to have moments of frustration. However, being mindful of our words can significantly impact our children’s emotional well-being.
Instead of uttering words that may wound, we can strive to offer guidance, patience, and understanding, helping our children grow into confident and resilient individuals who feel deeply loved.
Written By Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
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