Have you ever thought of leaving a toxic relationship, but have always found it immensely difficult to go through with it? Here are some ways to leave a toxic relationship.
Ending a toxic relationship can feel like the most difficult thing in the world to do, but still, it needs to be done.
Toxic relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. Maybe your husband belittles you and mocks your hopes and dreams. Maybe your wife refuses to let you go out with your friends, or leave her side without permission.
Perhaps your partner makes fun of your weight, or calls you names. Maybe theyโre a narcissist and can only love themselves while causing you pain. Whatever toxic situation you or someone you know is in, itโs time to get out. If you donโt, youย will lose yourself.
One thing about toxic relationships, is they are hard to leave. That is part of their poison. But youย can do it. Even if you feel like that is an utter impossibility right now, you need to know,ย really know, thatย you can leave.
6 Steps That Make Leaving A Toxic Relationship Easier
1. Realize you deserve better.
Yes, you. You deserve to be loved. Not the kind of โloveโ you think you have now, but real, genuine, reciprocated love. You have battled through so many things in your life, and maybe you feel like youโre too tired to fight anymore, but there is one thing that is always worth fighting for-ย you.
Healthy relationships donโt revolve around fear or intimidation, nor do they encompass belittling someone or breaking their spirit. If this sounds typical of your relationship, then itโs time to say farewell.
Read Why Itโs Better To Stay Single Than In A Toxic Relationship
2. Write things down.
Us humans have a funny sense of memory- it changes depending on what weย want to remember. If you dislike someone, you are going to remember all of their bad qualities and unfortunate things they have done. The opposite is also true for those you like. This happens with toxic relationships as well.
When your family or friends try to bring up the subject of your relationship (which Iโm sure they have, because they care about you), they will point out a few of the less-than-desirable traits of your poisonous partner. And what do you do? โOh, itโs not that bad. He/she also is/does (insert random โgoodโ thing).โ
Excuses are made and the seemingly pleasant things you choose to remember about your relationship drown out the overwhelmingly bad things. Itโs willful denial.
You can make a choice to stop victimizing yourself by writing things down. It wonโt take long for the list to grow, and eventually you will see how much damage is really being done.
Name-calling? Mockery? Lies? Manipulation? Every single time you feel that pang of sadness or hurt, write it down. When you get tired of writing, walk away.
3. Understand that they are not going to change.ย
If they want to, they will do it on their own terms, in their own time. You will never be able to make someone change until they are ready.
Face it, if seeing the person they supposedly love in pain, and knowing that they are contributing to that pain isnโt enough to make someone want to change, then nothing you can say or do is going to have an effect. You have to take care of yourself because youโre the only one who has a chance of really living.
Youโre the only one who can heal you, just as they are the only ones who can heal themselves.
Read The Honest Truth About Toxic Relationships
4. Make a decision.
Once youโve stared reality in the face and recognized the things your friends and family were trying to tell you, itโs time to make a choice. Itโs now or never.
Choose to stay with the person who will continue to treat themselves as a priority and you as a second-rate doormat, or decide to say enough is enough and move on. Itโs up to you. What type of life do you want?
5. Understand that it will hurt.
You wonโt leave the relationship until youโre ready and willing to do so. Maybe itโs because you get so accustomed to the toxicity that its familiarity is the only thing you crave. But this isnโt love. And some part of you knows this.
Yes, leaving the person you feel connected and chained to is going to be painful, but it is the most precious gift you can give yourself. ย It will come with doubt and questioning yourself into a corner.
Little lies of โhow good things wereโ pairs alongside the comfort of the chaos you once defined as โlove.โ The pain is part of the process, and after you brave the storm, youโll be a better, stronger, wiser person for it.
โIโll tell you this. Leaving that which you love breaks your heart open. But you will find a jewel inside, and this precious jewel is the opening of your heart to all that is new and all that is different, and it will be the making of you-if you allow it to be.โ โ Jacqueline Winspear
6. Stand by your decision.
Remember that you reached thisย decision after an involved, thoughtful process. Stand byย your decision and remind yourself that it was made for your betterment. This is how you start to live a better life, and transformations have to begin somewhere.
If you start to feel the urge to let the toxic person back in your life, reach out to your support system of family and friends or take out the list you wrote that describesย why you felt hurt in the first place. Stay strong and stand byย your decision.
โDo not hold your breath for anyone,
Do not wish your lungs to be still,
It may delay the cracks from spreading,
But eventually they will.
Sometimes to keep yourself together
You must allow yourself to leave,
Even if breaking your own heart
Is what it takes to let you breathe.โ
โ Erin Hanson
Leaving a toxic relationship can be an exhausting and difficult thing to do. But at the same time, necessary. If you continue to be in a toxic relationship, you will completely lose yourself in the process. So, make yourself a priority and work towards being in relationships that make you and your life better.
If you want to know more about why and how to leave a toxic relationship, then check out this video below:
Originally appeared in I Heart Intelligence
By Raven Fon
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