Relationships get boring. We all wish they wouldn’t, but the fact of the matter is that a little boring – is unavoidable. This doesn’t mean, however, that it’s unfixable. How to revive a boring relationship is all about the small things you do (or don’t do) – and this blog post will show you how you can revive your intimate connection, with just a few simple changes.
The Secret To A Happy, Long Relationship
Relationship researcher, John Gottman, is one of the leading experts on why some couples last and others don’t.
He means that long, happy relationships are about connection and working together. That we need to have realistic expectations of our marriages and relationships and go with “good enough” as opposed to “perfect”.
In essence, Gottman means that if we still want to hang out with each other, even after years and years together – then that’s pretty fantastic and, ultimately, enough.
One way to revive a boring relationship is by adjusting your expectations and looking at the small, simple things that can be done to make it fun again.
One of these, is turning towards each other, as opposed to away from one another.
This means looking for connection even in times of irritation, as well as in times of joy and excitement.
It may seem too simple or like something you perhaps already do. But there’s always room for improvement, and good, interesting relationships survive because of small things, often, not grand gestures that happen every six months.
How To Revive A Boring Relationship By Turning Towards Each Other
Looking for ways to connect in your seemingly mundane week-day routine, can be a great way of revitalizing your relationships, as it mixes things up.
As a clinical sexologist, I discuss lots of things with my clients besides sex.
Below are three examples of common situations I’ve found a lot of couples end up in. They highlight why we all need to constantly work at turning towards each other – in both good and bad times.
1. Ignoring your partner’s boring work story
After a few years, or decades, our partner’s renditions of what Helen at the office did in the lunchroom, yet again, can start to get tedious.
It’s only natural to fall into a pattern of starting to filter it out once your partner or spouse gets going again.
The thing is – what Helen did (or didn’t do), matters to your partner. And to show that you don’t care by disengaging and blocking them out, is to suck the energy out of your relationship. You don’t mean to, but it happens.
Instead, try listening to their story, asking questions and validating your partner’s experience.
Try and see if you can suss out if they’d like feedback or advice – or if they just want someone to nod in agreement and tell them that they’re right and that Helen really needs to get her act together.
When you take a routine happening, like a boring Tuesday evening work story, and flip it into a moment of connection; you make it interesting, instantly feeling closer and having more fun together!