How To NOT Take Things Personally At Work: 7 Survival Tips For Sensitive People

When someone makes a comment on how you do our job or present yourself in your workplace, it’s tough not to let it get to you. But the office is not an ideal place to have a meltdown (it’s ok if you do by the way) or crave validation. So, how to not take things personally at work?

It happens to the best of us. Someone says something on how we should have prepared our report, or talked to a senior colleague, or they downplays our performance, and we take it as a personal attack – on our worth, performance, calibre, or personality.

Some of us react defensively, some resort to passive aggression, while others keep the annoyance hidden, but seethe internally.

Whether we react or not, we spend a lot of time, sometimes days, mulling over the incident, feeling miserable, sometimes thinking of unproductive ways to retaliate, and sometimes trying to invalidate the perceived criticism by over performing.

Aggression or even micro-aggression at work disrupts team work and eventually career growth. Over extending yourself at work is also counterproductive and can lead to burnout or a decline in emotional well-being.

The ability to take negative feedback or constructive criticism is highly valued in the corporate culture, everywhere in the world.  

If we keep taking everything personally, it will inevitably impact our public image, performance, sustainability, mental health, and most importantly, our credibility as a reliable employee – as an asset.

We will be seen as a liability, someone who would be passed over during the performance evaluation even after putting in some quality work. So, how not to take things personally at your workplace?

If you’re a sensitive person like me, you too might see this as a veiled remark like “Stop overthinking” or “Get over yourself”. But when people are disapproving, critical, or downright rude, it’s difficult not to take it to heart.

The question then is how to stop taking things personally, especially at work, where reputation matters and validation-seeking can give way to exploitation. Before we get into the “How”, let’s quickly go over the “Why”.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I take things personally at work”?

Here’re a few common reasons why people take things personally at their job:

• A lack of self-confidence and pride in what they do
• Childhood trauma, growing up with parents who criticized them a lot, and a lack of emotional support while growing up
• Self-esteem issues
• Mental health issues like anxiety or stress can make people susceptible to feedback  
• Guided by perfectionism, they set unrealistically high standards for themselves
• A lack of assertiveness can make them internalize a negative feedback
• Their personal bias or insecurity gets projected onto others
• A lack of recognition for their contribution
• People who are emotional or highly sensitive tend to take things more personally than others 

Read: 10 Signs Of Childhood Trauma: You Had An Unhappy Childhood And The Realization Is Setting In Now!

How to stop taking things so personally and focus on our work then? Workplace interactions are rarely personal, but many times it doesn’t feel so. Let’s see how to stay grounded when you’re feeling triggered.

How To Not Take Things Personally At Work?

Here’re 7 ways to avoid unnecessary escalations and let things go when you start taking things too personally at your work:

1. Stop To Reflect

Before you give into an impulsive reaction, take a moment to pause, take a breath, and take time to work on your response.

With practice, you will need less time to process your thoughts and respond appropriately in the future. How not to take things personally? By reflecting before reacting!

2. Give Benefit of Doubt

Sometimes a well meaning message can come off harsh, if the other person does not have good communication skills.

Try to separate the intention of the message from the delivery. How to stop taking things personally? Focus on the message, let go of the impact.

3. Stop Absorbing Other’s Energy

Many times people who are insecure or threatened by your success, will try to undermine your achievement and downplay your skills. When provoked, ask yourself, was this really about me?

This behavior is a reflection of how they are as a person; it has nothing to do with you or your credibility. Don’t carry the baggage of other people’s negative energy. Don’t get sucked into their drama. 

Read: 5 Signs You’re Absorbing Other People’s Energy And What To Do About It

4. See the Bigger Picture

Remember you are here to make money, not friends. You have goals and so does your organization. Unnecessary escalations only disrupt work flow and work culture.

How to stop taking everything personally? By focusing on the bigger picture. Long term goals matter more than temporary emotions.

5. Practice Self-Motivation

It is so very important to be aware of your self-worth and strength, especially at work. Your sense of self must not depend on external validation.

Be self-motivated and self-assured. When you’re sure about what value you bring to the table, no one can poke holes in your confidence.

6. Practice Emotional Intelligence

We all talk about empathy and emotional intelligence, but when it comes to people who purposefully annoy or trigger us, it gets challenging to see things from their point of view.

But believe me, it helps a lot. Say, a new intern who lacks the experience or exposure tries to one-up you constantly and fails miserably each time.

This hampers the team’s workflow and you cannot contain your frustration. Instead of lashing out, try to tell yourself this person is young and desperately trying to make a good impression on the boss. They have a long way to go and a lot to learn.

How to not take things personally at work? Be the bigger person and let others evolve on their own while you maintain a clear channel of communication with your supervisor.  

7. Set Healthy Boundaries

All said and done, sometimes you need to assert yourself. But you have to do this respectfully. When a co-worker acts like a manager or a team mate tries to intimidate you in any way, clearly communicate and define boundaries.

Handle the matter in an utmost professional way. If necessary, talk to your supervisor or HR, but follow the protocol and never vent your grievances to others at work.

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It’s Cool To Care

Still wondering how to stop taking things so personally? We understand, as a sensitive person who feels all too intensely, you might not have a “IDGAF” attitude, which is totally okay.

You should care about how others see you at work. It means you give importance to what you do and how you leave a mark at those who work so closely with you. The secret, however, is not to let it overpower you.

Of course you should never tolerate bullying or disrespect, but learning to identify the difference between a constructive criticism or negative feedback and a personal attack is crucial for a long and successful career.

The former hones your skill and builds character and the latter is just a projection of an insecure personality, which has nothing to do with you.

We hope this blog on How to not take things personally at work proves to be insightful and useful to you. If you find this topic relatable, please share your thoughts on how to stop taking everything personally, in the comments below!

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

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