In order to mend your broken heart, and fall out of love with the person you are in love with, you need to take a step in the tough, but right direction.
Breaking-up with someone you still have feelings for is a lot like giving up an addiction.
Imagine a chronic smoker trying to conquer her smoking habit.
Because she is addicted to nicotine, she will not be able to function normally without smoking cigarettes.
- And movies etc.
With cigarettes involved will make her crave. Big time. When she is exposed to all of these influences, her memories of smoking are triggered making it difficult for her to overcome the habit. However, despite this, some people manage to successfully quit smoking, while others don’t.
We can compare this example to a person trying to get over a breakup. Some women will in time be able to move on from a guy they were in love with, while others remain stuck for years (and in some cases never get over that person).
So what is the difference between a woman who can fall out of love with a guy quickly and a woman who can’t?
Let’s have a closer look.
How Classical Conditioning Hinders Some People From Moving On
What is classical conditioning?
Classical conditioning is a well-known area of psychology that states that whenever two things frequently happen together, our subconscious minds create an association between them.
Let’s take an example of this.
Let’s go back to our previous example of quitting smoking. Let’s say that the person trying to quit had the habit of smoking a cigarette after finishing each meal.
Because she did this after each meal, an association was built in her mind between the finishing of a meal and having a cigarette. So that in time, she would automatically crave a cigarette each time she finished a meal. It became an automatic reflex.
Now, let’s look at how this applies to breakups!
After you have broken up with someone, certain things can trigger memories of your ex.
Examples of these triggers include:
- Passing by a place you used to frequent with your ex.
- Hearing a music band you know your ex likes.
- Or hearing a phrase your ex used to say a lot etc.
These and other similar cases will all bring back memories of your relationship. If you want to fall out of love with your ex and be happy again, you need to break these associations that are constantly picking at the wound of the breakup.
How To Cut Classical Conditioning Associations?
You may not like this but the most effective way to cut an association is to constantly expose yourself to the trigger that causes it. It is going to be tough at first.
You will probably have meltdowns as memories come rushing back. But as you continue to face triggers, the associations will grow weaker until they eventually die out.
Let’s take an example.
Let’s say you met your ex in the park. So, each time now that you pass by the park, you immediately remember your ex. An association has been created in your mind between the park …and your ex. So, how can you break this association?
You can break this association by creating a different association with the park and making that new association stronger and stronger until it eventually replaces the original association (which was to your ex).
For example, you could begin using the park for something you like to do. Like running for example. You will then begin associating the park to running.
Time yourself running the course of the park and use it as your practice track in preparation for an upcoming 5k or 10k run for example.
In time, you will stop getting flashbacks of memories with your ex each time you pass by the park. Instead, it will remind you of running.
Alternatively, if you like to paint, you could paint pictures of different areas of the park and soon you will begin associating the park to paint rather than to your ex.
The more associations you break, the quicker you will be able to recover from a breakup.
Why Some People Can’t Move On?
There are some women who seem to never be able to get over a guy, even if years have passed. Such women usually make one key mistake (which I am trying to prevent you from falling into): they relish in the associations, instead of striving to break them.
Don’t do this!
It’s tempting to, but you absolutely must avoid this.
Related: The 5 Stages of Moving On
If you want to move on after a breakup or just forget someone, you have to avoid this behavior. The memories you have with your ex are like plants.
You should stop nurturing them if you want them to die. If you continue to water and care for them, they will grow and torture you emotionally. Let the associations die.
This way you will be able to overcome the emotional burden that is troubling you!
If you want to know more about how you can fall out of love, then check this video out below: