How Long Should You Date Someone You Don’t Want To Live With?

All of us want to be happy. We look for happiness in our hobbies, our work, our friends and also our relationship. When we start a new relationship, we hope that it will make us happy. In the beginning, it might be complicated to assess the risks and make predictions. We just dive into our new relationships and try to enjoy it. We act intuitively. We learn. We try to understand our partner. We look for common interests, desires, and preferences. It is exciting as almost every new thing in our lives. But when people are excited and amazed, they tend to act emotionally, which makes them lose attention to small details. When we are in love, we don’t analyze much. And that is completely normal. It is our nature. The level of some hormones rises and we just can’t act differently.  

But it often happens that at some point people find themselves in a relationship without the future. There are different reasons why the relationship might go that way. Sometimes the relationships are just not serious enough for one or both parties to build a more serious long-term thing. Sometimes somewhere along the way people realize that they had less in common than they previously thought they had. Sometimes the circumstances are much more tragic. You all know the movie stories about one person falling in love with someone who is or becomes terminally ill. And those stories happen in real life too. Some people try to spend as much time together as they possibly can because they know that this relationship won’t last. Even in those dire situations, people are happy when they spend time with each other. The same is true for people who just date someone without any thoughts about serious plans for the future. But that doesn’t mean that you might not have thoughts about the viability of such relationships.  

Why some relationships can’t work in the long run?

It is always a good idea to remember that one of the main reasons why relationships don’t work is a poor partner choice. It might be painful to realize that we could avoid some problems if we would be more mindful and tended to analyze more. It doesn’t mean that we have to regret and blame ourselves for wasting time on one more relationship that didn’t end well. Every relationship is our chance to understand our needs, to learn something new about ourselves, and relationships in general. But it is important to appreciate your own time and efforts and time and efforts of your partner. It is never a good idea to give false hope neither to yourself, not to your partner. 

First of all, when you think about your potential or newly started relationship, take into consideration only the current state of affairs. We all have plans and hope for a better future. But things can go in a different direction and some of our plans and hopes might never come true. So let’s be realists. If you are not willing to date a dog walker, don’t date a dog walker, because she might never become an owner a huge dog-walking business even if her plan sounds pretty good. At the same time, if you realize that your partner is not satisfied with who you are, think twice it worths it to continue this relationship.  

You might say that every relationship involves development and support. And you would be right. But let’s think about how much you are ready to invest in a relationship with a person who doesn’t meet your preferences at the very beginning. The chances that it would be just a waste of your time are much higher than chances that a frog will turn into a price after a magic kiss.

Know yourself and your partner.

In order to make effective decisions in your relationship, you should know yourself really well. It is crucially important to realize what are your priorities, preferences, desires. Yous should know what you are looking for in your partner and what you are ready to give on different stages of a relationship. A relationship requires investments and work. You need to invest your time,  your emotions, your energy. You need to work on your relationship. Moreover, it should be a team-work. Things wouldn’t work, if it is always just one person who invests and the other one is just accepting. 

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Sarah Zuckerman
Sarah Zuckerman is a PhD student studying Social Psychology and young writer for Doulike Blog. She wants to become an expert in the relationship and dream about her own dating agency. Communication with people is her secret talent that helps her achieve her life goals. Find more of her work also on Twitter &Facebook.
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