The sun shines and the sky is blue. Birds were singing and the day had begun.
She sat peering out her window thinking of all that her life had been, wondering. The memories she could see were just images that floated by, memories and thoughts all mixed to create a blur of color. To find a single thought, a single memory had long been tossed into the maze of colored lights.
It was yet another of the many moments that she spent trying to remember her past and the many memories that she had lost. To find a single image deep within the maze her mind created, and to remember where it fitted in her past was a struggle she often found difficult to understand. Somewhere harder than others, still she tried to remember. It was important for her to do this as regularly as possible. This would help in her journey to healing.
The soul craved to fill the blank space that existed within her heart, though she loves deeply, the need to understand why these memories were tucked away so deep within the blur that was her mind. Why is it so important to learn more about her past? To find her past was to find her truth and if she could only remember the pieces of the puzzle, then maybe she could find the peace that her heart so desperately needed. There is so much to understand before the heart can heal and the mind will accept. With patience and gentle guidance, she will be able to work her way through the maze, discovering the memories locked away all those years ago.
Why? What is it that caused the soul to shut away pieces of her heart and mind? To discover the cause of such a traumatic past would explain the cause for locking away the memories that would allow her to feel complete. Each step within her journey was the plan that she mapped out in the life that she chose to live long before she became the twinkle in her mother’s eyes. The memories written into the story that would be her life are all that she could be.
The journey began and her story has begun to play.
Looking back on my life I have lost so much of my memories and often feel incomplete. I DO spend a lot of time just staring out that window wondering why I have lost a lot of the memories that make up my life. Is this really the cause of all my trauma, is it what left me deeply scared. As a child, I can not see the memories. As a teen I can possibly say it wasn’t the best, I struggled to feel anything but the crushing events that was my life. I graduated and discovered new beginnings that have led to being my life today. Though hurtful at times these are the memories I do have. The journey in discovering my past will take its time.
I am not sure that my past is worth further pain, and yet it is the need to know who it is I am.
It takes much strength to speak my truth. As it is to speak yours. Our lives are what they are and to accept this is part of the journey and a step in acknowledging that we are no different to any other person. Our memories for what they are, are just that our memories. they do not define us, they do not control who we can be. Our memories allow us to draw on them to teach us in becoming a better person.
Yes, I am searching for my memories not to just know them but also to discover how they shaped me into the person I am today And most importantly to allow myself to Love the person I am, to LOVE ME. When I can do that, I know that I have the power to overcome all. Our life is the journey and we have the power to create an amazing life.