Lovemaking in a monogamous relationship is said to be heart-pounding, breath-taking, and anxiety-freeing. If that’s true, then how come a committed relationship is when many of us settle for the same sexual positions?
Far too often, spouses become “too important” for experimenting in the bedroom. This takes the mysterious element of sex between two people and puts our wild erotic nature into a jar that will never be opened again.
Sometimes partners stop putting in the effort to seduce their partner. They assume the ring on the finger means they don’t have to try; that a wedding band means you’ll be turned on by me, no matter what I do or how I look. You’ll love me till death do us part.
Your partner may love you no matter what, but your lack of effort to stay sexy prevents your partner from wanting to get sexy.
Amazing sex requires attention.
Both partners must walk deep into the forest of connection and erotic desire to uncover the best sex of their lives. As much as our culture gets off to the story that lovemaking should be easy, it’s not.
The sort of life-changing sex that wakes the neighbors requires a level of anxiety, because amazing lovemaking lies at the intersection of personal growth for both partners.
It requires couples to overcome self-worth issues. To fail at new ways of lovemaking and fucking. To tackle sexual shame that inhibits our erotic nature. It requires them to challenge each other and themselves to reach their full sexual potential.
If you want lovemaking that transcends your body as you thrust your way into a new realm of existence, then your sex life needs to be able to tolerate intense intimacy. I’m not talking about a post-sex cuddle session. I’m talking about the kind of intimacy that make your insides feel so warm that your heart feels like the sun is bursting in your chest.
Intimacy is the gateway into the sort of sex many of us spend our lives wondering if we’ll ever experience.
When I started exploring intimacy with my partner, I was challenged in ways I’ve never thought possible. When I allowed my partner to truly see me I felt extreme vulnerability. I wanted it to stop. But as I grew through the discomfort, our sex became better.
I began to feel connected to my partners in ways I’ve never felt before. The intimacy between us was intense. Our sex life had a life of its own; it roamed free. We started to truly feel each other as our emotional walls to deep intimacy fell away.
I want you to experience what it’s like to use sex and intimacy as gateway to personal growth and your ever-evolving erotic nature.
This is not an easy task, but the seven conversations below help guide you in the beginning of your sexual quest with your partner.
Instructions:
Some of these questions may make you or your partner uncomfortable. If so, you can ease into the conversation with some easier questions that cause the least anxiety.
When you do feel ashamed, get curious as to why. Bring it up with your partner and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. You can even wait until you are by yourself and then explore it by using the Four Why Exercise.
Remember that your partner is opening up their deep dark book of eroticism. This is extremely difficult and requires immense vulnerability. Avoid judging your partner at all costs. Express understanding and allow them to trust you enough to open up their desires and needs.
Lovemaking: Intimacy And Emotions
1. Some couples say that quality sex is dependent on a feeling of connectedness. Is that true for you? What do you need from me to feel that way?
2. Some people need sex to feel close, while others only desire sex when they already feel close. Which one are you? Do you think we differ? Does that cause a problem? If so, how can we change?
3. Sometimes partners don’t remember what the other finds arousing and erotic. Are there ways of touching you or activities that I’ve forgotten? Can you give me a refresher course?
4. What makes sex more romantic and passionate for you?
5. Would you like our sex to feel more like making love or more like fucking? How could we do that?
6. What are some of the best, most romantic times we’ve had? What can we do to make more times like that?
7. Do you feel I still seduce you? If not, when did that stop between us? Is that something we should work on?
This article was originally published on Healthy Relationships with Kyle Benson.
For more ideas on how to increase the intimacy in your relationship, take the Intimacy 5 Challenge here.
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