The difference between relationships and union – By Rena Wells


The difference between relationships and union – By Rena Wells

This article has been breathing a life of its own, and begging to be written for most of my life.

Illusions surround us in every shadowed corner in our physical existence, and old belief systems around intimate relationships have been breaking for some time. We have all been birthed into a system of what a “healthy relationship” is supposed to look like, and in all honesty I’m here to say that this old paradigm suppresses the soul’s freedom of expression, because it is based around compromise. This isn’t wrong. We have many vibrational areas of evolution, and this type of compromise is still needed for some human’s on Earth. That’s fine! However, if you are pulled to this article, then I truly believe the old compromising relationship system no longer works for you, and you are now seeking a sacred union.

Let’s not get into black or white thinking here, let’s simply allow the energy from these words to sit and marinate into your energy field with no judgment. As most of my fans know, I’m not a sugar coating gal during the process, but I will provide all the candy you want after the delivery!

Shall we dive in then? Get ready! Some major walls are about to be hit with a sledgehammer!

As part of my mission, I knew at a very young age that I was good at seeing through the physical blueprint of relationships. As most people attracted to my spiritual guidance always wanted relationship advice. It boggled me when I, myself, had my own relationship issues! There was divinity at work at the time, asking me to align to my true partner, my twin flame, but I had much work to do internally before that came to fruition.

I identify as a lesbian, and knew of my sexual attraction towards women when I went through puberty at the age of 12. In the late 80’s and early 90’s, coming out wasn’t supported like it is now in Canada. I was very fearful of my deep emotions, and suppressed my truth for many years although I had a very clear vision at 18 years old that my Twin Flame was a woman. I continued to deny my feelings, and even married a man and followed the Earth’s blueprint of what relationships are “suppose” to look like. I was miserable, and knew on a very soul level that a “relationship” wasn’t what my soul desired, it was a divine union. The reason behind this is because “relationships” are laced with compromise, placation, and self-suppression. These elements then intricately weave their way through every avenue of the relationship and into the most intimate exchanges we have with our partners, and that’s sex. (I will save sexual relations for another article) This article isn’t about Twin Flames; however because of my divine union with the love of my life, I have been given a broad overview as to why so many humans suffer with love and intimacy. You can have a sacred union if both parties are spiritually willing, no matter if it’s your twin flame or not! If we get down to the nitty gritty there are 3 basic elements of our soul’s truest desires while in an intimate comradary with another human. They are:

  1. Unconditional Love
  2. Acceptance
  3. Understanding

These 3 elements are our soul’s core expression that is dying to be manifested through our physical body.

The current “healthy relationship” blueprint on Earth is based on the knowledge that we are all learning how to give and receive unconditional love, acceptance, and understanding, when in fact, that’s the illusion! If you can accept that you already know on a soul basis how to do these things for yourself, and for others, your perception will shift. If you believe you have to learn these things, then you will continue to have relationships because you will live your belief systems. When you live in your belief systems, you create a perpetual state of constant learning within your environment. You are here on Earth to own your power, not stifle it! To own your power is to clear and release the conditionings, and false belief systems you have absorbed as truth. Belief is a strong thing. If you believe you are learning the basic soul work of how to love, you will forever be learning. If you believe you already know how to love, you give true power to your soul’s energy.  Your magnificent soul and higher self already know how to love, because that is what it is made of! It is your human mind that has forgotten. Your heart knows. Trust in that!

Every human being on the Earth right now is a highly evolved soul. The only reason we have various vibration levels, and places of awakening, is due to the amount of conditioning we have accepted as truth. The more conditioning and suppression we have absorbed is the defining factor of what we are ready for.

As that conditioning falls away, and the more we dive internally into the subconscious, this will ignite a path to the soul, and the soul’s deepest desires.  Unfortunately, relationships place conditions such as compromise, placation, and suppression on these core elements, and this is why relationships are no longer working on the planet.  To fully understand the root of relationships let’s look at the hindering factors that are causing havoc between two intimate partners.

1. Compromise:

This isn’t about the natural energy ebb and flow between the two parties involved in the relationship. This is about what you are willing to give up and vice versa for your partner. In a relationship, we have been taught to sit, hear our partner’s needs and wants and to honour those elements. That’s a pretty board statement. As humans, we have taken this a step further where we have forgotten the spiritual requirements of the soul, which either end up being ignored, or downplayed. Hearing your partner’s needs and wants, and adhering to those wishes can temporarily help the relationship, however, how much are you taking on that it has become enabling behaviour? That’s a good question to ask yourself to understand if you are in a relationship paradigm or a sacred union. Are you enabling your partner from discovering their own spiritual enlightenment? Are you compromising to the point where you know deep in your heart you shouldn’t be in agreement to this compromise?  Is there a dis-resonance within your heart while you agree to do something for your partner, when intuitively you know it’s their own responsibility and the internal work they need to do? When we continue to compromise and ignore these intuitive nudges, and when it doesn’t feel like the “right” thing to do in our hearts, we then fall into the placation, and stuffing our spiritual intuition and our truth. These compromises can then easily turn into boundaries, and egotistical walls that end up keeping you more separate from your loved one. Compromising has been the biggest downfall to relationships, because they have transformed into enabling behaviors which continue to spiral out of control. This will eventually tie into power struggles, and create emotional projection into our exterior world, when we are unwilling to experience our feelings within ourselves. We then blame someone else for our emotions. Our partner didn’t follow through on a specific need or a want, now the pain and emotional reactions have surfaced. Instead of owning our emotions, we then have an excuse to blame our partner for not following through on the boundary or compromise that was in place. Compromising creates excuses and loops holes so you don’t have to do your internal work! This is the vicious cycle that creates unhealthy exchanges of power struggles, arguments, and intimate separation in the heart.  When we believe that compromise is necessary in a relationship, then there isn’t any room for sacred union. If you are seeking a sacred union, all you can do is hear your partner’s feelings, understand their perspective, and help create a solution that merges both of your energies into a unified understanding while surrendering all control to the Universe. Nothing more. In a union, you don’t own your partner’s feelings nor are they your feelings to work through. You are not responsible for creating a harmonious environment for your partner. That is their job. All you can do is mindfully listen and act from a love space, and hold peace within us. We must be willing to take internal inventory, and to dig deep into our patterns and clear what no longer serves us. When both parties do this work, it creates a freeing emergence, interdependent union in spiritual bliss. This is true freedom that is created in a sacred union, whereas in a relationship it becomes a surface agreement contract that both parties follow without crossing any lines.  Relationships keep both parties in a stagnant, pleasant, mediocre lifestyle. If you want spirituality to be the thread that merges you and your partner, then throw compromise out the window on both sides. Spiritual compromise will surface once both parties do their internal work honestly by connecting to the universal consciousness on a regular basis. By allowing divine guidance to lead the way, the solution will be presented to both of you as you create your union.

2. Placation and People Pleasing:

Most empathic, loving humans wish to keep the peace because intuitively we remember that feeling good is our natural state of origin. If we can help somebody to feel better we feel good, especially if it’s a loved one because we understand how painful our emotions can be. Helping comes natural to some of us, however, are we causing more harm when we continue to make “people pleasing” an ongoing enabling behavior? There are fine lines that we cross, from healthy compromise to enabling compromise, and from giving healthy actions of love, to enabling placation. Once an action becomes enabling, you have stifled your power while inhibiting growth to occur in your partner. Unfortunately as uncomfortable a situation may feel, we must all experience pain at some point if that is the diving board into our subconscious realm of emotions. If you are seeking a union, it is all about being connected to your higher self and listening to the dis-resonance when you begin to partake in any form of enabling behaviors.  In a relationship setting, placation and people pleasing is the invisible contract between the two parties, and yes, it works for some people. There are people on the planet, who are quite comfortable with the boundaries, and understanding of how to tread lightly around someone’s egotistical coping patterns, and not to disrupt the emotions that are tied to that ego. Unfortunately in order to grow, and consciously expand, all suppressed emotions, no matter how painful must be felt, and they must clear from our bodies for healing to occur.

While in a relationship, if one party decides to seek the subconscious realms, and to understand and seek a spiritual lifestyle, in order to sustain the relationship contract, this spirituality will most likely become one sided.   The relationship contract can only fall away if your partner also jumps on the spiritual train and begins their own self work. If not, the relationships ends or, your partner will placate, and please your spiritual interests. It all depends on what you want intimately in your life?

However there are those who have become exhausted in this type of connection and who are realizing that they want more. It is those who are seeking divine union within themselves and with their partner who are also doing the same internal connection to higher self. This is when the perpetual habit of people pleasing and placation must also be thrown out the window.  In a sacred union you can’t make your partner happy, that is their job. Full ownership of your emotional intelligence, with no emotional projection, excuses, or deflection, is the sacred key to union.  This means you are 100% responsible for all of your emotional reactions, responses, no matter what is happening in your environment. When both parties do this, this allows the universal consciousness to work through both individuals, through divine trust. This is what creates union. The constant releasing in faith that the universal consciousness is being expressed fully in both parties will bring  universal alignment, and it will provide you with all that you need as you move forward together in union.

3. Suppression:

All humans have learned how to suppress emotions from the time we were born into physical existence. As babies we came here highly intuitive but through this physical reality, we quickly began to absorb our exterior world as truths. We learned very young how to suppress our true internal nature because it didn’t match with our exterior world. It’s all a part of the journey every human is on, to forget, suppress and re-emerge stronger in self than before. Suppressing our emotions is a lifelong conditioning we have learned that eventually begins to create unhealthy spiritual blocks in our energy field.  While in a relationship, emotional suppression is common, not in the sense that we don’t share our feelings with our partner. There is only so far down into the subconscious we are willing to go while in a relationship connection. It may very well feel that we are expressing ourselves fully in the relationship, and yes, this is true, however if spiritual alignment is missing, then deeper seated emotions are not coming up for healing. And this may simply be if a person is ready for this type of growth or not. There is a bottom line that is created while in a relationship, where a barrier is created between the subconscious and conscious worlds, and the only way to dive deep into the unknown emotional realm found in the subconscious is when we tire of relationship. A union will emerge all deep emotions, as ugly and painful as they may be, it will happen because it needs to be healed. Not everyone is ready for this type of healing. If you are leaning towards manifesting and asking for a sacred union, be sure that this type of deep emotional work is something you are willing to be challenged with. Like all spiritual expansion, it’s not always easy but it is most certainly worthwhile!

Yes a relationship can be loving, and harmonious, however those on the spiritual union path will grow tired of the unwritten rules that relationships partake in. It truly depends on where you are in your growth, as neither is good nor bad. Relationships very rarely dive deep into the subconscious realms, but that doesn’t mean a relationship cannot become a spiritual union either. It is when both partners are willing to make that transitory spiritual leap and to let go of all their ideals and previous belief systems of what a partnership is “suppose” to look like.

Union is about being free in all your multidimensional realms. You are free without judgement to express your higher self from your mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, and allowing universal consciousness to be the driver of the union. Union is when all control is given up to spirit. Relationships are when there is an understanding of how to be with one another, and the control is driven by both parties.  Where are you on your path and what type of loving connection is speaking to you?

Union isn’t easy. I have had some major personal blocks within myself, and the biggest lesson I have learned lately while working with my twin flame is allowing. Allowing all energies, no matter how uncomfortable they feel, they must emerge to heal.  Union is asking for you and your partner to sit and not have judgement of the energy, to let it flow, and surrender to the higher consciousness. Union is hard work, it’s up and down. If you aren’t ready for some deep hard emotional work, a relationship can definitely bring you the happy medium you desire.

Written by Rena Wells


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  1. Julie Buzzelli Avatar
    Julie Buzzelli

    Fantastic article! I am happily in a sacred union and you are right on point with how much emotional stuff that has been long suppressed has come up for each of us as we work through it together. It has had it’s painful moments, but as you stated – totally worthwhile. Thank you for this article in expressing this so well. <3

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