A Secret Code Word for Couples During Conflict

One of the most underrated and best-kept secrets for resolving conflicts with your partner or spouse is using code word for couples when things get too heated. An inherent power struggle between couples can lead to frequent arguments, but using a secret code word might help you diffuse a lot of the tension. Letโ€™s find out what it means to have a code word for couples.

If youโ€™ve been married more than a few years, you will recognize yourselves in the following scenario: Something minor gets said that triggers Partner A, who reacts with a sharp tone. Partner B reacts to Partner Aโ€™s tone with an escalation of tone, and pretty soon a marital arms race has begun over something as benign as who unloads the dishwasher more often.

The most ridiculous example from my own 39-year marriage was โ€” and this is the shameful truth โ€” who had to turn their head more to see the clock when one of us asked what time it was. (โ€œWhy donโ€™t you look?โ€ โ€œWhy donโ€™t you look?โ€ โ€œBecause youโ€™re closer.โ€ โ€œNo, you are!โ€)

Left unchecked, these power struggles over the trivial take on a life of their own, and every minor detail of life becomes a potential relationship land mine. When I see couples in my office that are stuck in these repeated cycles, I recommend they come up with a code word they can use when the tensions start to rise.

Related: 3 Questions To Ask Yourself If You and Your Partner Fight Constantly

There Are Only A Few Rules Necessary

1) It should be a code word that both find funny

2) Whoever takes the initiative to employ the code word, the other partner agrees ahead of time to an automatic cease-fire. That is, no more talking about the topic for x amount of time, and that x should be at least 20 minutes. (Brain research shows that when we flip our lid it takes us at least 20 minutes to calm down again.) It can be longer than 20 minutes, but no less.

Finding the funny code word can be a fun process. Think of a movie character who cracks both of you up, or someone from real life, or an experience from the past that every time you mention it, it brings a smile to both of your faces.

Code word for couples

The Funny Element Is Important For A Few Reasons

a) It keeps you both from taking yourselves and your power struggle too seriously.

b) It introduces an element of humor into a tense situation.

c) It immediately bonds you over something positive you share when youโ€™re not squabbling.

Related: 5 Ways To Stay Calm During An Argument With Your Spouse

So if you recognize these patterns in your relationship, be proactive and take a few moments with your partner to come up with a humorous code word to use the next time one of you triggers a squabble over something silly.

Want to know more about how you can deal with the power struggle in relationship? Check this video out below!

Check out Josh Gresselโ€™s Psychology Today blog for more informative articles.


Written By Josh Gressel Ph.D.
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Secret Code Word for Warring Couples pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby

Up Next

10 Riveting Movies About Broken Marriages: How Love Crumbles Over Time

Marriage is supposed to represent love and commitment, but itโ€™s not always a fairy tale. Below are some of the movies about broken marriages that challenge the โ€œhappily ever afterโ€ stereotype!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Sometimes, things start falling apart โ€” from within or without โ€” and this is frequently caused by different pressures and conflic

Up Next

Friendship Marriage: Japanโ€™s Latest Relationship Trend Explained

Friendship marriage is the latest relationship trend taking the world by storm, and itโ€™s got everyone talking. Forget the traditional notions of romance and commitment; these couples are rewriting the rules of marriage and how!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

This unique approach has not only got people talking, but itโ€™s also challenging many societal norms when it c

Up Next

Should I Start a Family? 10 Reasons That Might Convince You

Two paths are diverging before you at a crossroads. You can either continue with your present life which has the comforts you know so well, or you could choose the other path which goes into the unknown.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The decision to start a family is one of those big adventures in life that leaves us breathless with awe; it is filled with twists and

Up Next

8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

Picture this: youโ€™re standing at the altar, surrounded by beaming friends and family, moments away from saying โ€œI doโ€ to the person who you thought was your soulmate and the love of your life. But deep down, you canโ€™t ignore the nagging feeling that something doesnโ€™t feel right. Could it be possible that youโ€™re marrying the wrong person?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({

Up Next

63 Conversation Starters For Deep Dialogues With Your Partner

Why conversation starters? Over time conversations with your partner might begin to feel shallow and focused more on the daily grind than topics that actually matter. This is normal. Itโ€™s probably not a dangerous red flag that your relationship is about to end, but it is likely unsatisfying and monotonous.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Itโ€™s quite easy to reignite t