How A Good Marriage Helps Heal Our Deepest Wounds

When you decide to get married to your partner, you do not just promise on a lifetime of togetherness, you also promise to take care of each other and always have each otherโ€™s backs. However, not every marriage has the potential of turning into a good marriage.

A good marriage can even help you heal from past wounds.ย 

Many times, it has been seen that a good marriage has done wonders when it comes to solving deep-seated issues in people. It might take a considerable amount of time and quite a few bumps along the way, but the sun will shine again.

โ€œThe great marriages are partnerships. It canโ€™t be a great marriage without being a partnership.โ€ โ€“ Helen Mirren

Related: 9 Essential Qualities For A Spouse: Pre-Marriage Checklist

A Partner As Healer

Linda: Judith Wallerstein, the author of The Good Marriage, taught me the phrase โ€œrescue marriage.โ€ I immediately grasped that she meant that in a marriage, there is a vast potential for helping in the process of rescuing us from the pain of our past.

So many people grow up in dysfunctional families of all kinds.

There are families scarred by the ravages of addiction to alcohol, drugs, or sex. There are families that are cold distant and non-communicative, devoid of affectionate words and touch. And there are those who use physical and/or verbal violence to manipulate and control. The children emerging from these families are wounded.

A good marriage nurse our wounds to the point where we become healthy and whole once again.

I was one of those wounded children. When I met Charlie at age twenty-two, I was still painfully shy, quiet, and fearful. When he would shout at me or ignore me, I would be traumatized and deteriorate into a small girl of four years old. Such regression happened hundreds of times in the early years of our marriage. In the vast majority of those times, Charlie never knew it was happening. I was withdrawn into myself, feeling alone and despairing. I came to refer to these episodes as โ€œfalling into the well of grief.โ€

As the trust and commitment in our relationship grew, I was able to speak to him about what I was experiencing: โ€œI am a small, thin, delicate girl. Iโ€™ve fallen into a deep dark well. Iโ€™m terrified. I am so despairing that I donโ€™t even bother to shout for help. I donโ€™t believe that anyone will come to rescue me from the well. I believe that I will die there.โ€

Charlie made me promise that I would call out to him for help when I found myself at the bottom of the well. The ratio between the times I suffered in silence and the times when I called for assistance began to change. As I felt a bit stronger and more deserving of being rescued, I called out in a bratty voice, โ€œWhy doesnโ€™t anybody come to help me!โ€ This way of asking for help had problems of its own, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Over time, with thousands of repetitions, I was able to ask for help in a responsible way. I came to learn to trust that I was not alone.

โ€œTrue love stands by each otherโ€™s side on good days and stands closer on bad days.โ€ โ€“ Unknown

I still occasionally fall into the well of grief. I have learned how to find my own strength to climb up the rock wall to get myself out. I know how to self-soothe and be a good parent to my own inner child. I can allow others to love me, stroke me, and soothe me. I have even found some redeeming value in my past suffering that has allowed me to become capable of helping others because I know the territory so well.

Related: Is A Good Marriage The Key To Healing Old Family Wounds?

I will have the deepest debt of gratitude all my life, to my dear husband, who lowered down the rope, gave me a hand up, and loved me so thoroughly and comprehensively that he rescued me from my limiting beliefs about my worth. He has been a powerful healer of my past wounds. I donโ€™t believe that I could have done it without his help.

And I give myself credit too, for doing the necessary work to heal from the negative self-image that plagued me for so many years. My life today hardly resembles the one of years ago. It is because of my growth, and many years of watching others transform, that I have such a strong conviction about recovery being a real possibility for all of us.

The process starts with believing that it is within reach. Once we have the conviction that our healing is in the realm of possibility, we can create agreements that will prompt us to adopt different patterns that free us from the old ones that kept us from thriving. Having a pure love from another moves us along the path in a way that no other remedy can rival. And once we feel more whole, we have so much more to give others.

Praise for Happily Ever After

โ€œLove experts Linda and Charlie shine a bright light, busting the most common myths about relationships. Using real-life examples, they skillfully, provide effective strategies and tools to create and grow a deeply loving and fulfilling long-term connection.โ€ โ€“ Arielle Ford, author of Turn You Mate into Your Soulmate

Weโ€™re giving away 3 e-books absolutely free of charge.ย The Ten Biggest Things Weโ€™ve Learned Since We Got Married,ย Your Guide to Great Sex, andย An End to Arguing.
To receive them just click here.


Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
Originally appeared in Psychology Today
How A Good Marriage Helps Heal Our Deepest Wounds
good marriage helps heal our deepest wounds pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby

Up Next

10 Riveting Movies About Broken Marriages: How Love Crumbles Over Time

Marriage is supposed to represent love and commitment, but itโ€™s not always a fairy tale. Below are some of the movies about broken marriages that challenge the โ€œhappily ever afterโ€ stereotype!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Sometimes, things start falling apart โ€” from within or without โ€” and this is frequently caused by different pressures and conflic

Up Next

Friendship Marriage: Japanโ€™s Latest Relationship Trend Explained

Friendship marriage is the latest relationship trend taking the world by storm, and itโ€™s got everyone talking. Forget the traditional notions of romance and commitment; these couples are rewriting the rules of marriage and how!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

This unique approach has not only got people talking, but itโ€™s also challenging many societal norms when it c

Up Next

Should I Start a Family? 10 Reasons That Might Convince You

Two paths are diverging before you at a crossroads. You can either continue with your present life which has the comforts you know so well, or you could choose the other path which goes into the unknown.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The decision to start a family is one of those big adventures in life that leaves us breathless with awe; it is filled with twists and

Up Next

8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

Picture this: youโ€™re standing at the altar, surrounded by beaming friends and family, moments away from saying โ€œI doโ€ to the person who you thought was your soulmate and the love of your life. But deep down, you canโ€™t ignore the nagging feeling that something doesnโ€™t feel right. Could it be possible that youโ€™re marrying the wrong person?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({

Up Next

63 Conversation Starters For Deep Dialogues With Your Partner

Why conversation starters? Over time conversations with your partner might begin to feel shallow and focused more on the daily grind than topics that actually matter. This is normal. Itโ€™s probably not a dangerous red flag that your relationship is about to end, but it is likely unsatisfying and monotonous.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Itโ€™s quite easy to reignite t