Here’s a scenario.
You wake up, turn off your phone alarm, and put some music on to get ready for work. While at work, during breaks, each time you pull up a phone, you open up an app you’ve already checked at least three times. And then you come home, the first thing you do is put the TV on, so there’s some talking in the background. It’s all automatic at this point.
The silence doesn’t last long. That is, if there’s even room for it at all.
These are not the actions people consciously think of when they do them. They’re not there thinking: “I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now.”
Well, we all do sometimes. But most of this process is unconscious. A moment of silence appears, and there’s always something there to cover it.
It’s really interesting how we can have a hard time noticing this pattern. It’s not an active action. We’re not actively rejecting the quiet. We avoid it without making a sound, like an expert. And if by god forbid, by any chance, the silence stays for more than a minute of what you’re used to, then it starts to feel really uncomfortable.
Even if everything is fine in your life right now. You start to feel and think about the things you’ve been postponing for who knows how long.
There are two very simple questions you can ask here:
- Why does ‘quiet’ (silence) feel so uneasy?
- And what does that say about how our minds work?
Read More: Silence Is Part Of The Process Sometimes – Alone Quotes
Why Can Silence Feel Uncomfortable When Everything’s Fine
When you turn off that TV show that’s running in the background for comfort, put the phone out for just a minute and stop doomscrolling to infinity. There’s no conversation to jump on, no distractions to latch onto.
Then you can ACTUALLY see what’s going on in your mind.
Stuff from earlier you’ve buried down and ignored can now resurface. It could be something as simple as an unfinished conversation you had 10 years ago. OR even a simple worry that stuck with you for whatever reason. Something you’ve set aside but never came back to.
The discomfort comes from the norms of the modern age. The current lifestyle we live.
The fact is, most people aren’t used to sitting with that mental noise anymore. Unfortunately for us, life now is full of distractions. So it’s not hard for the brain to get used to that constant stimulation, very quickly.
We expect it to be accessible at all times, which makes silence more unfamiliar and uncomfortable to be in.
There’s also a deeper layer to it that’s embedded in our DNA.
Our minds like predictability. Preferring patterns that are familiar and can be controlled. You can’t guarantee that in silence. It’s open-ended. Anything can come up. And sometimes what comes up is not something you might like.
If you sit with yourself, that can bring out thoughts you set aside or emotions you haven’t fully processed.
It can only happen if you don’t distract yourself. This allows the mind a space to process things. And that can be tough to do. Depending on who you are as a person. That’s based on tolerance and past experience. And it can easily change throughout life.
You could be driving a car one day, and someone falls asleep at the wheel and hits you. Next thing you know, you won the head and brain injury lawsuit, which was great cause it’s finally over and you’ve got quite the settlement out of it; but ultimately, you also lost your peace of mind.
That being said, being uncomfortable in silence doesn’t have to have a deeper-rooted issue. It can just be a matter of habit, and what you’ve got your brain used to. The consistent noise and engagement.
Try to take it away for a second. It’s going to feel like stepping across the border, into a foreign land.
Read More: The Wisdom of Silence: Learning to Talk Less and Say More
What Avoiding Silence Can Look Like In Everyday Life
All of these are subtle. Just a part of our lives.
Always having something playing in the background
You know the deal. Put the show on, three minutes later, you’re scrolling your phone. Either that or you go to clean the house or work on some project while the conversation on the TV lingers in the background.
What even happened on the show? That’s not important.
Its job is to fill the space and become a buffer for the silence.
Reaching for your phone the moment things get quiet
This one is quick. The second you have a quiet moment, when there’s a pause.
After waiting for your line at the store or finally finishing a task, there he is. Magically appears in the hand. There’s really no obvious/clear reason for it. At this point, it’s become sort of an automated action; a reflex.
Filling gaps in conversations quickly
Funnily enough, the pause in the conversation can feel awkward. We get the urge to say something, just to keep the ball rolling.
Just to avoid that nugget of quiet.
What Changes When You Start Allowing A Bit Of Silence
Letting in a bit of quiet for the first time to hear your mind is not going to feel good. Thoughts are going to have a louder volume, and your mind will be racing, which makes you want to go back to noise right away.
A normal reaction.
But if you give yourself time and slowly try to be more by yourself with no distractions, things will change.
Your thoughts are going to calm down. Your focus is going to clear up.
Having no constant distractions makes it easier to be focused. Focus can change the way you react. Being more thoughtful, instead of being instant. Without a need to respond right away.
There’s no right or perfect way to expose yourself to yourself. Just try not to avoid it every time.
Conclusion
Think back to that original trigger just before you start mindlessly doomscrolling on your phone for hours on end. Or when you turn on music every time you go out for a walk.
These moments feel normal because, well… They are normal. And people do them without thinking.
Avoiding silence is a habit.
And it’s shaped by how modern life is and how the brain works. The point is not to cut the noise altogether nor force yourself into complete silence.
No sound. Just… silence.
Try to notice the patterns. Know when the silence is present, and be aware of what you do.
Maybe even once in a blue moon, try to pause before filling it with something immediately.
Just to see what happens.
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