8 Reasons Why People Ghost Out Of A Relationship

Why People Ghost Out Of A Relationship

Rejection and breakups are hard enough, but being ghosted can be traumatic.ย 

It can leave you with unanswered questions that make it hard to move on. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, itโ€™s usually associated with dating. More devastating, but less common, is when a spouse disappears after years of marriage.

Itโ€™s like a sudden death of the person and the marriage. But even the unexplained, unexpected end to a brief romantic relationship can feel like a betrayal and shatter your trust in yourself, in love, and in other people.

Itโ€™s a shock to the heart whenever you care about someone who suddenly cuts you off without any explanation. If you insist on one and get a response like, โ€œI just donโ€™t feel it anymore,โ€ it isnโ€™t satisfying. You still want to know โ€œWHY?โ€ We are information-seeking animals. Our brain is wired to wonder and search for solutions.

Once we pose a question, it looks for answers. This is compounded by the fact that weโ€™re also wired to attach and to experience rejection as painful. We try to reconnectโ€•why babies cry fiercely when they need their mother.

Read When Youโ€™ve Been Ghosted: Four Ways To Deal With It

Rejection can cause obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, like stalking your exโ€™s social media, which fuels more pain and more questions.

Ghosting a Romance

In a romantic relationship, breakups are always harder during the early stage when ghosting usually occurs. You donโ€™t know your partner that well and are still in a blissful haze of idealization. Your hopes for the future may be abruptly and inexplicably dashed. Normally, after a relationship progresses from the romantic โ€œidealโ€ stage into the โ€œordealโ€ phase, couples struggle with ambivalence and conflicts. If that ends the relationship, at least you have an understanding of why it didnโ€™t work and perhaps agree.

If couples can communicate and accommodate each othersโ€™ needs and personalities, they get to the โ€œreal dealโ€โ€•a real relationship based on mutual understanding and acceptance. This takes two people compatible and committed to making the relationship work. They must also have enough self-esteem and autonomy to give without feeling unappreciated or robbed and receive without feeling unworthy or smothered.

Read 4 Types Of Romantic Relationships That Awaken Your Spirituality

Date Ghosting

In dating, often there is less accountability, depending upon various factors: The way you met (a chat room or hookup app), the individualโ€™s maturity and values, length of the relationship, and frequency of face-to-face contact. Technology promotes less emotional involvement. If instead, you met through mutual friends, thereโ€™s more incentive to be on good behavior or other friends will hear about.

Ghosting might start with an unanswered text or call, or long silences between replies until there are none. Here are eight reasons why a person might ghost instead of communicating:

8 Reasons for Ghosting in a relationship

1. Theyโ€™re chicken:

People who donโ€™t handle conflict well fear confrontation. They expect drama and criticism and want to avoid a breakup conversation. They may rationalize to themselves that theyโ€™re sparing your feelings by not admitting that they no longer want to in continuing the relationship. However, leaving without a word, let alone closure, is more cruel and painful.

2. Theyโ€™re avoidant:

Ghosts are more likely to have intimacy problems, which explain why they leave a relationship thatโ€™s getting close. Theyโ€™re emotionally unavailable and may have an avoidant attachment style.

3. Theyโ€™re ashamed:

People with low self-esteem want to avoid criticism and the shame theyโ€™ll experience if you get to know them betterโ€•one reason for avoiding intimacy. They also expect to feel shame for hurting you. Their lack of boundaries makes them feel responsible for your feelings, though the reverse is true. Theyโ€™re responsible for how they communicate, but not for your reaction. If they want to end a relationship, youโ€™re entitled to an honest explanation. Thus, in trying to avoid false responsibility, they err by not taking responsibility for their own behavior, causing you the unnecessary pain they were trying to avoid.

4. Theyโ€™re busy:

When youโ€™re not exclusive and acknowledge that dating someone else is okay, your partner may assume the relationship is casual. While dating other people, you and/or your messages might have been overlooked or forgotten. Your date may have already moved on or just not made time to respond. When later realizing this, he or she is too embarrassed to reply and rationalizes that your โ€œthingโ€ wasnโ€™t serious in the first place.

5. Theyโ€™re game-players:

To some daters, particularly narcissists, relationships are solely a means to satisfy their egos and sexual needs. Theyโ€™re not interested in a commitment or concerned with your feelings, though they may feign that when theyโ€™re seducing you. Theyโ€™re players, and to them, relationships are a game. Theyโ€™re not emotionally involved and can act callously once theyโ€™re no longer interested, especially if you express needs or expectations.

6. Theyโ€™re depressed or overwhelmed:

Some people can hide depression for a while. The ghost might be too depressed to continue and not want to reveal whatโ€™s really going on in his or her life. There may be other life events you donโ€™t know about that take precedence, like a job loss or personal or family illness or emergency.

Read Feeling Depressed All The Time? How To Know When Itโ€™s Time To Ask For Help

7. Theyโ€™re seeking safety:

If youโ€™ve raged in the past or are violent or verbally abusive, the ghost may avoid you in self-protection. Theyโ€™re setting a boundary: If youโ€™re annoyed and smothered your friend with frequent texts or calls, especially if theyโ€™ve asked you not to, then their silence is sending a message because youโ€™ve ignored their boundaries. You likely have an anxious attachment style and are attracted to people with avoidant styles. See โ€œBreaking the Cycle of Abandonment.โ€

What to Do if Youโ€™ve Been Ghosted

The main thing to realize is that in the vast majority of cases, ghosting behavior reflects on the ghost, not you. Itโ€™s time to let go. Here are some doโ€™s and donโ€™ts to follow.

1. Face reality

The other person has decided to move on for whatever reason. Accepting that is more important than knowing why. The ghost is also demonstrating that he or she doesnโ€™t respect your feelings and lacks essential communication and conflict resolution skills that make relationships work. Your feelings aside, consider whether you really want a relationship with them.

2. Allow your feelings

Realize that you canโ€™t figure out the ghostโ€™s motives in your head. Let go of obsessive thoughts, and allow yourself to feel both sadness and anger, without falling into shame. Give yourself time to grieve. Open your heart to yourself with extra doses of self-loveโ€•all you wanted from the other person.

Read 6 Ways People Avoid Their True Feelings Which Does More Harm Than Not

3. Avoid self-blame

Deal with the rejection in a healthy way. Rejection can be painful, but you donโ€™t have to pile on unnecessary suffering. Donโ€™t blame yourself or allow someone elseโ€™s bad behavior to diminish your self-esteem. Even if the ghost believes you werenโ€™t what he or she was looking for, that doesnโ€™t mean youโ€™re undesirable to someone else. You cannot make a person love you. You simply might not have been a good match. He or she is not your last hope for a partner!

4. No contact

If youโ€™re tempted to write or call, think about how the conversation will go, how you will feel, and whether you would get a truthful answer from the person. Often times, the person ending a relationship wonโ€™t be honest about the reasons or may not even be able to articulate them, because theyโ€™re just going with their gut feelings. Men tend to do this more than women, who analyze and ruminate more. In addition, the odds are youโ€™ll be rejected a second time. Would that hurt more? To heal faster, experts advise no contact after a breakup, including all social media.

If you find it hard to let go of your ex and pursue a conversation, resist any temptation to lure him or her back. You may later regret it. Instead, communicate that his or her was hurtful and unacceptable. In other words, be resolved that youโ€™re now rejecting them. Then, move on. Beware that if youโ€™re still hurting and vulnerable, contact may prolong your grief. If you donโ€™t feel strong, such a conversation may not help you let go, Also, remember that anger isnโ€™t always a strength. It may be a temporary stage of grief, followed by more longing.

5. Donโ€™t isolate

Get back into life, and plan activities with friends. You may need a break from dating for a while, but socialize and do other things that you enjoy. Donโ€™t allow yourself to fall into depression, which is distinct from mourning.

Get Breakup Recovery and free โ€œ14 Tips for Letting Goโ€ at www.whatiscodependency.com

ยฉ 2019 Darlene Lancer


Written by Darlene Lancer

Originally Appeared on WhatIsCoDependency.com

8 Reasons Why People Ghost Out Of A Relationship
8 Reasons Why People Ghost Out Of A Relationship

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Best Breakup Songs To Help You Move On

Breakups are undeniably one of the most painful experiences in life. But thankfully, there is plenty of music to help you on your healing journey. Today, weโ€™re diving into some of the best breakup songs that will help you release those pent-up emotions and move forward.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

No matter what you are going through, whether you feel like your who

Up Next

When You Refuse To Let Go Of Someone You Love, Even When They Donโ€™t Love You Anymore

I get it. You donโ€™t want to let go of someone you love. Even when itโ€™s clear that itโ€™s over. Even when itโ€™s clear that it is time and things will only get worse from here. Yet, you want to hold on just a little longer. But if you truly love someone let them go.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

โ€œNo! No! Itโ€™s fine. Itโ€™s ab

Up Next

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Desperately Trying To Hold On To

Do you know what happens when you desperately hold on to someone you really need to let go of? When you hold on to the idea of โ€œusโ€ and refuse to see the reality for what it is? You force the person you love the most in the world to hate you. You compel them to resent you. And in this process, you hurt yourself more than the other person did. This is why itโ€™s crucial that we talk about how to let go of someone you donโ€™t want to lose.

<

Up Next

8 Unmistakable Signs He Will Never Come Back: The Final Farewell

Ah, the bittersweet realm of love and heartbreak. Weโ€™ve all been there, hanging onto that tiny edge of hope that things might get better again, and we donโ€™t have to go our separate ways. But letโ€™s face it, sometimes itโ€™s just not meant to be. Today, we are going to talk about the signs he will never come back. Yes, itโ€™s going to get a bit heavy today.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle

Up Next

Oystering Dating: 3 Game-Changing Insights That Could Transform Your Love Life Post Breakup

Life after a breakup can feel like wandering in the dark. You had something that made you comfortable, and suddenly itโ€™s replaced by something vast and uncertain. But out of the waves of sadness and pain comes a new outlook on life โ€“ Oystering dating.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What Is Oystering

Up Next

Out-of-the-Box Ways To Get Over A Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Sometimes a break up can hit us so hard, that we begin to act like someone weโ€™re not. Everyone gets over heartbreak in their own way โ€” some ways to get over a break up are just different than others.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Breakups can make you do some unimaginable things. Things that, in retrospect, make you question the kind of pe

Up Next

6 Worst Types Of Breakups Hard To Get Over: Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Welcome to the land of breakups, where we put a magnifying glass on the most chaotic and worst types of breakups that can make even the strongest hearts feel a whole lotta pain. Being in love is a beautiful experience, isnโ€™t it? However, thereโ€™s always a risk of things not working out, but thatโ€™s the risk you take when you fall for someone, right?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});