4 Powerful Exercises To Help Fix A Toxic Relationship

Are you and your partner looking for ways to fix a toxic relationship? Below are 4 ways how you can heal a toxic relationship.

So, are you willing to save the relationship and make it healthy?

Love is a dance of connection and disconnection. There are times when you feel compelled by your lover and other times when you feel the need for alone time.

Some of us need more connection, others need more independence. Sometimes these differences lead to a toxic relationship.

There are only two roads to making a toxic relationship not so toxic:

Road One leads to breaking up and finding a more secure partner.
Road Two leads to seeing the problems in the relationship as a slingshot for growth.

Even though both of you fall on opposite ends of the spectrum, the relationship can work. But the only way it can work is if partners are able to see problems in the relationship as a catalyst to understand and respect each otherโ€™s differences. If they donโ€™t, holding hands quickly turns into pointing fingers.

If your partnerโ€™s idea of closeness makes you feel like youโ€™re suffocating, or if you feel like your partner ignores you (intentionally) in little ways throughout the day, the best thing you can do for your relationship is to talk about it.

By examining the moments of disconnection and irritants in the relationship, both partners will gain profound insight into each other so they can begin learning how to give each other what they need.

How To Fix A Toxic Relationship? 4 Powerful Exercises For Making A Toxic Relationship Healthy

Exercise 1: Talk About It

If one of you is feeling ignored or overwhelmed by your partnerโ€™s needs, then use the exercise below to understand each other better.

fix a toxic relationship

Answers: There are no right or wrong answers here. Each answer depends on your reality. The goal of the exercise is for both partners to understand each other.

The only way to do that is to recognize one vital element that makes relationships last. That vital element isโ€ฆ

Both Points of View Are Valid. When partners believe there is only one truth, they fight for their own position. That belief is a dead-end.

There is only one assumption that will make the conversation about disconnection or too much closeness beneficial: that in every fight, there are always two points of view, and both are valid.

Once your partner and you accept that idea, itโ€™s no longer necessary to argue for your own position. Now you can focus on understanding your partnerโ€™s position and work together to find a mutual solution.

Read How To Navigate The Stages of Love and Build A Healthy Relationship

There are always two sides to every conflict. Once you understand and acknowledge this, youโ€™ll quickly find that reconnecting comes naturally.

Instructions: Think of the last argument you had. Rate the following feelings on a scale from 1(100% felt that way) to 5 (0% felt that way).

During our fight I felt:

  • Defensive
  • Sad
  • Misunderstood
  • Hurt
  • Criticized
  • Neglected
  • Like leaving
  • Like my opinions donโ€™t matter
  • Worried
  • Lonely

Next: Explore what triggered those feelings:
Rate what triggered those feelings on a scale from 1(100% felt that way) to 5 (0% felt that way).

  • I felt unimportant to my partner
  • I felt cold toward my partner
  • I felt rejected
  • I felt overwhelmed by demands
  • I felt excluded
  • I didnโ€™t feel attraction
  • I didnโ€™t feel affection
  • My sense of dignity was compromised
  • I couldnโ€™t get my partnerโ€™s attention
  • My partner was dominating

Exercise 2: Revisit The Past

Now that weโ€™ve identified your emotional reaction, itโ€™s time to get in a time machine and revisit your past. We may repeat unhealed patterns from our past relationships in our present ones. See if you can find a relationship between earlier traumas or behavior and your current reaction.

Note: If youโ€™ve been sexually harassed, raped, or experienced any other trauma your partner is unaware of, now is the time to bring it up. In my work with others, Iโ€™ve found that sharing our deepest pain with our partners truly helps them understand us. It also gives them the ability to gently work with us on the traumas so we can begin to heal together.

Read 5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Keep the Romance Alive

The following list will help guide you.

When I (or my partner) turned away, it reminded me of:

  • An earlier relationship
  • Past traumas or hard times Iโ€™ve had
  • The way my family treated me growing up
  • My deepest fears and insecurities
  • Unaccomplished dreams I have
  • Events I have not emotionally dealt with yet
  • Ways other people have treated me
  • Things I always believed about myself
  • Nightmares that keep me up at night

Take time to discuss each otherโ€™s answers. Ask open-ended questions so you can understand each other better. This isnโ€™t about who feels worse or who is more right. Itโ€™s about taking time to truly understand each otherโ€™s insecurities and deepest fears.

fix a toxic relationship

When your partner tells you something that shocks you or surprises you, say, โ€œtell me more about that.โ€ Youโ€™ll learn more in one answer by truly listening then you will in years of trying to guess why your partner does what they do.

Exercise 3: Write It Out

Now write out a short summary of your point of view in the disagreement, followed by your partnerโ€™s point of view.

If you did the exercise right, youโ€™ll quickly see that your views of what happened and why they happened in the way they did are not matters of โ€œfact.โ€

All of us are complicated people whose emotional reactions are determined by a lifetime of perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and memories.

Exercise 4: Whatโ€™s Your Role?

Itโ€™s our natural setting to blame distance and loneliness as our partnerโ€™s fault. But no one is to blame.

To break the pattern that is causing the emotional roller coaster in the relationship, both partners need to take responsibility for the problem. Both need to admit playing some role.

To help you, read the list below and rate things that may have contributed to your feelings of needing more affection or more space.

Note: Do not try this if you are still upset. When our emotions are tense, fighting becomes nonsense.

When partners try to resolve a conflict when they are upset, they are more likely to say regrettable words that will harm the relationship. Taking a 20-minute break and focusing on the positives of your relationship will do wonders for coming together to solve the problem.

fix a toxic relationship

Step 1: Use the list below to take some ownership of your contribution. Rate the following on a scale from 1 (100% felt that way) to 5 (0% felt that way).

  • Iโ€™ve felt highly sensitive lately
  • I havenโ€™t expressed a lot of appreciation toward my partner lately
  • Iโ€™ve felt very stressed and irritable
  • Iโ€™ve been extremely critical lately
  • I havenโ€™t shared much of what has been going on in my life lately
  • I feel depressed
  • I may have a chip on my shoulder
  • I havenโ€™t been very affectionate lately
  • I havenโ€™t focused on being a good listener lately

Step 2: Now write out how you contributed to this problem.

I can now see that my contribution to this problem wasโ€ฆ

Step 3: Now take a minute to write out some ways you can change the situation in the future.

When an event like this happens in the future, I can make it better byโ€ฆ

Step 4: Offer your partner one tip so they can avoid this problem with you.

To avoid this problem in the future, my partner couldโ€ฆ

The more you work through the exercise, the more you will turn towards each other when the relationship hits a rough patch. Instead of using conflict to push each other away, you can use it to bring you closer.

The emotional bond in your relationship will deepen and youโ€™ll cultivate a profound friendship that can handle any problem the world throws at you.

That doesnโ€™t mean youโ€™ll never have arguments again. You will. It just means those arguments will no longer undercut the relationship.

These four exercises will teach you a lot about your partner and yourself. Itโ€™s going to take courage to stay vulnerable and open when you are frustrated, hurt, or angry.

When a couple seeks safety in the hideout of withdrawal or in the blame of the other for not getting close, it is not loved that has failed; it is they who have failed love.

Read 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

When you both love each other genuinely and see a future with each other then never give up.

Yes, things might be bad sometimes but that does not mean they canโ€™t be resolved. If you follow the above-mentioned pointers, you will successfully be able to make your toxic relationship into a less toxic one.

IF you want to know more about how you can make your toxic relationship into a less toxic one, then check out this video below:


This article was originally published on KyleBenson.net.
For more ideas on how to use conflict as a catalyst for closeness signup for my Passionate Relationship Toolkit here and gain exclusive access to the Conflict Blueprint.
4 Powerful Exercises That Help To Fix A Toxic Relationship
Exercises To Help Fix Toxic Relationship pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapmanโ€™s The Five Love Languages, but these languages arenโ€™t designed for neurodiverse individuals โ€“ who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones donโ€™t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, letโ€™s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, itโ€™s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why Sheโ€™s the Best Girlfriend Youโ€™ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When youโ€™re dating a tomboy, youโ€™re in for a relationship thatโ€™s refreshingly different. Sheโ€™s someone whoโ€™s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If youโ€™re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision youโ€™ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesnโ€™t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So hereโ€™s pebbling love language โ€“ inspired by penguins. Letโ€™s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTokโ€™s โ€˜Meeting Someone Twice Theoryโ€™ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory โ€“ is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So letโ€™s learn how the universe