Skip to content

7 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Appreciated: The Obvious And Not So Obvious

make partner feel appreciated

Relationships can seem challenging once the honeymoon phase gets over. You may feel you need to invest a lot of time and effort to maintain a romantic connection. But keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to be so hard. All it needs are a few little things to make your partner feel appreciated.

Here are 7 ways to make your partner feel appreciated:

1) Ask if she feels appreciated.

This is number one on the list for a reason. Research on divorce indicates that when men are asked about marital satisfaction they rate the quality of their relationship much higher than their spouses. This may be the reason many men are surprised when their spouses walk out or ask for a divorce.

There is a disconnect between men and women and marital satisfaction. Why? It may be due to different needs and expectations as to what the relationship is supposed to offer and provide.

The best way to be proactive in this department is to ask, rather than assume if all is well. If she says she is feeling appreciated – great. Keep doing what works. On the other hand, if she says no – red flag. This is your opportunity to ask what is missing and see what you can do to change the situation.

Related: 12 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved

2) Ask how she is doing.

This sounds like such an obvious one. Don’t we all ask how the other person is doing when we meet after work? The problem is not that we don’t ask, but that we don’t listen. Why? Because we are tired. It is always the same answer. We are focused on our problems. When you arrive home you may just want a drink and have no patience to listen to how her day went.

Here’s a little trick to prepare yourself for this encounter.

  • Don’t come straight home from work.
  • Take a few minutes to go for a short walk, listen to music in the driveway, meditate, whatever.
  • Just take some time for yourself to shed the stress of the day before you walk into the house.

This will put you into a better frame of mind and make listening much easier. It may also change how you reflect on the day as well.

3) Listen.

I don’t mean to listen while watching TV or using your computer. I mean that you stop everything and turn your focus towards your partner. Look her in the eyes and let her know that you are listening. This is a powerful action to take and can dramatically affect, not only the immediate situation but your entire relationship.

So many couples complain to me about how their partner does not listen to them. Everyone wants to be heard, truly listened to, and understood. That is one way we feel connected. It is also an act of intimacy. If you have heard your partner say that she wants more intimacy (and you know it is not the sex he/she is talking about), take the time to listen. When you do this she will feel valued, appreciated, and respected. Which leads me to the next item . . .

4) Respect.

Gottman, in his research, talks about the importance of respect in a relationship. It is so important that he can predict with a high degree of accuracy if a relationship will succeed or not based on the level of respect between the partners. Low respect by one partner towards another is a high predictor of relationship failure.

Respect, or lack thereof, can creep into a relationship over time. We take the person for granted, we are in a foul mood and take it out on our partner, or we are having issues in the relationship, and we are nasty fighters.

If we are not careful, we may initiate a pattern of disrespect for the person we say we love the most. If you find yourself in this situation an immediate response is required. It may be a long talk with your partner to discuss your behavior and desire to change. It may be a trip to the marriage counselor or religious leader. Whatever you decide, prompt action will be required because a loss of respect doesn’t get better on its own.

7 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Appreciated: The Obvious And Not So Obvious
Respect can make your partner feel appreciated

5) Finding out your partner’s love language.

This one is a gem. All too often, we show our love to our spouse in the same way we were taught to show love, not realizing that our partner may be blind and deaf to the way we communicate love. Gary Chapman identifies five ways, or love languages, we use to demonstrate love. They are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifting, quality time, and physical touch.

There is nothing worse than showing your love to your partner and it not landing. In the past, I took this as a personal affront and wondered what was happening. When I discovered that my wife was touched by acts of service, I then understood why my words of affirmation went over like a lead balloon. Likewise, when we discussed these concepts, I realized that her acts of service were how she demonstrated love to me, and I finally got it. Wow! She must love me a lot because she is always doing stuff for me.

Taking the time to figure out your partner’s love language has two benefits because in the process you also find out what is your preferred way of giving and receiving love. You will now be able to give your partner love in a way that makes sense to her and request the type of love you appreciate the most. I cannot overemphasize the positive difference this discovery has made in our relationship.

6) Doing things together.

I know, sounds rather obvious. I mean, isn’t that why you got together in the first place – because you liked to spend time together? Yet, over time, it is easy to move in different directions, or find new activities that our spouse is not into, or spend so much time with the kids that there is no couple time. Whatever the reasons, you must guard against these tendencies, as your relationship must be fed in order to grow and flourish.

Of course, you will have your own separate activities, but it is important that you have ones you share as well. My partner and I love going out for meals, dancing, and watching action/sci-fi movies (I know, I’m a lucky guy). And you are never too old to add to the list of what you can do together. I am an avid skier and tennis player. Four years ago, in order to spend more time together, she learned to ski and play tennis. She was fifty-seven at the time. Now, we go on ski holidays and experience each other in a novel way.

As Esther Pearl of Mating in Captivity suggests, novelty is essential for eroticism, and I agree. Speaking of which . . .

Related: 10 Adorable Compliments That Will Touch Her Heart

7) Make love.

I mean this in the broadest sense of the word. Whatever intimate activity touches and connects the two of you in a loving and heartfelt way, is making love. It may include sex or walking hand in hand on a deserted beach at night.

Whatever both of you define as love-making, it is critical to include in your practice of showing that you appreciate your partner. Again, I cannot overemphasize the value of this behavior. Taking time for love-making demonstrates the importance you place on being connected. And if you engage in the other six ways of showing appreciation, the likelihood of love-making increases exponentially.

Written by Steven Lake
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project
Make Her Feel Loved and Appreciated
7 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Appreciated: The Obvious and Not so Obvious
make partner feel appreciated pin

The Good Men Project

The Good Men Project is the only large scale, open and inclusive conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join the conversation at goodmenproject.comView Author posts

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Successful Women Dating: What Is It Like Dating A Successful Woman: Some Myths and Realities

Successful Women Dating

There's this perception that men tend to have a hard time dating and being in a relationship with successful women. What is the real truth about this? Do successful women dating issues a myth or reality?

Do Smart Men Really Marry Down?

About 14 years ago, the psyches of successful single women were singed with worry when journalist John Schwartz wrote a New York Times article titled “Glass Ceiling at Altar as Well as Bedroom.” He claimed that “men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses.”

The following year, Maureen Dowd followed with another Times column (and a book, Are Men Necessary?), agreeing with Schwartz. The authors’ clear thesis: Men prefer to marry down. Since then the media have continued with this narrative lending credence to the succ

Up Next

5 Things To Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You

Things When Ex Reaches Out To You

When your ex reaches out to you out of the blue, it may be a confusing and unpleasant experience. Here are some of the things you can do to deal with them.

I know that it can feel really good when your ex reaches out. I mean, they left you behind and here they are, wanting to be in contact again.

But, I can tell you that, when your ex reaches out, there are so many opportunities for things to go bad, even if it feels great at first.

Perhaps they beg for you back, only to leave you. Perhaps you have sex with them, only to have them disappear again. Perhaps they make you promises that they don’t keep, just like last time.

And you are left, right back where you started: broken hearted!

Up Next

When Relationship Becomes Business: 5 Signs Of A Transactional Relationship

Signs Transactional Relationship

Are you in a transactional relationship? Transactional love is a form of romantic interest that results in a relationship of convenience. It can be considered like a business transaction where the focus is not on strengthening emotional connection, but on what one has to give and can receive from their partner. 

Let’s explore the meaning of transactional relationship to see if you are in one.

What is transactional relationship? 

To be honest, a transactional relationship sounds more like a business deal than a real relationship. It can be considered as a “business transaction” where two people enter a romantic relationship where one partner offers certain services or “gifts” and the other partner provides services in return. The

Up Next

Cold Hands And Warm Hearts: 30+ Winter Date Ideas To Heat Up Your Relationship

Winter Date Ideas

Looking for some cutesy winter date ideas that will make you and your boo feel warm and cozy? Look no further, we’ve got you covered.

Dating in summer is simple and easy. You can go for a movie, or a concert, or even for a walk on the beach. But when winter sets in, the choices become slimmer and you need to put on your thinking cap to find the perfect date idea… week after week. To make things worse, you need to add variety to your winter date ideas to keep things spicy. After all, how many times are you going to stay indoors and watch Netflix? 

Dating is crucial for our

Up Next

4 Revealing Signs Your Relationship Is Ending

Revealing Signs Your Relationship Is Ending

Knowing the prominent signs your relationship is ending can help you manage things at the right time so that you can give your marriage another chance and potentially work things out.

All married couples experience difficulties, but for some, these troubles reach a point where partners become profoundly unhappy in their marriages. This can create a destructive downward spiral where the relationship focus stays on the negative.

Despite how hopeless you feel, learning to be aware of certain risk factors can be a step in the right direction. Once that happens, you can see what needs to change and be deliberate about doing things differently.

According to John Gottman, Ph.D., a leading expert on predicting divorce, there are four signs that indicate serious problems in a marriage.