Truth About Meeting
When it comes to meeting The One and falling for them, it is not always what they show in the movies; it’s a bit more complicated than that. Meeting The One comes with a few things that a lot of people do not consider, and simply expect everything to just happen magically, and effortlessly.
“How will I know when I meet the right person?” Revealing the truth about meet ‘the one’.
I often hear this question in my counseling practice. The answer is fairly complex.
There are two different reasons that people have for wanting to get married:
- To get love, validation, security, and safety.
- To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually.
If you feel insecure and alone, you are likely to look for someone who will fill the inner emptiness and give you the love you are seeking. You may want to find someone who will complete you and make you feel adequate and worthy.
The problem is that no one can do this for you – it is something you need to learn to do for yourself.
Since we are always attracted to people who are at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, a person looking to get love will attract a person also looking to get love.
Each person hopes to get filled from the other, not realizing that each feels empty and really has nothing to give. Therefore, no one is the right person when the intent of getting married is to get love and security rather than to share love and learning.
Related: 13 Signs You Have Found “The One”
Instead of asking the question, “Is this the right person for me?” why not ask, “Am I being the right person?” Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?
The main reason that many relationships don’t work is that each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from the other person.
But when individuals do not know how to love and validate themselves and create an inner sense of safety and security, they certainly can’t do this for another person. Yet this is what each person expects of the other.
It is fairly easy to know if this is the right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share the love.
A person who comes from a full place within finds it easy to discern when someone is empty inside, and will not be attracted to the empty person.
People who are truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love.
Knowing if this is the right person for you does not happen instantly.
It takes months to discover whether or not a person is who they say they are. You cannot really know who a person is until you have conflict and find out what this person does in conflict.
Want to know more about meeting The One? Check this video out below:
Some people can appear very open and loving until a conflict comes up and then they get angry, withdraw, resist or comply, rather than stay open to learning about themselves and the other person.
An important question is, how does this person deal with conflict and how long does it take them to open up if they do close in the face of conflict?
Since none of us enter relationships fully healed, it is very important to know that your partner is willing to explore conflict, rather than just protect against it with controlling behavior.
Related: 15 Thoughts A Man Has When He Finds The Right Woman
Conflict occurs in all relationships, and if both people are not open to learning about themselves and each other within the conflict, the unresolved conflicts will eventually destroy the relationship.
If you are a person who is open to learning and wants a relationship in order to share love, there are three essential ingredients that need to be present for the person to be the right person for you:
- There needs to be a basic spark of attraction. If you do not feel physically attracted to this person within the first six months of the relationship, the chances are this attraction will not develop.
- Each of you needs to be capable of caring, compassion, empathy, and acceptance for who each of you are.
- Both of you need to be open to learning in conflict, rather than just wanting to win and be right.
Other ingredients, such as common interests and values, are also important, but without the above three ingredients, they will not sustain the relationship.
The typicality of getting butterflies in your stomach the very moment you find Mr. Right may not be very far from the truth. There are signs, identify them, learn them, and adopt them.
My two cents on this, If you’re usually depressed in your relationship, you’re probably in the wrong one. However, if you’re feeling super happy and very optimistic than usual with this man around in your life, then he might be “the one.”
Pay attention to your intuition, Your intuition can be a strong indicator of who’s right for you and who’s not. Remember, it’s not always about whether He is the right one or not. A truly loving relationship is between two people truly in love and accepts each other in all respect.
Related: 6 Signs You’re In A Relationship With Your Soulmate
There’s a scene in Annie Hall in which Diane Keaton and Woody Allen are laughing at something. Later he makes the same joke with another woman but she doesn’t get it. If every time you tell a joke, he says, “I don’t get it,” he never will.
Stay Happy with Your Mr. Right, Much Love.
Written By Dr. Margaret Paul
Printed With Permission
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