This Is How It Feels Letting You Go

1895 1

How it feels to let go
Bea Pilotin shares her personal experience of how it felt to let go of her other half. 

Do you remember the last time we talked? It had been one of those in-between September days when autumnal tints and late summer sun seemed to merge and gave the impression of being suspended between seasons.

I told you:

“I can’t love you. I still love him and I suppose I could love another man in another way at the same time but not you. Because I would always see you as an extension of him. I want to fall in love with you in a separate way- one that involves only us, uninfluenced by the past, and our hurt. I can’t-do that now and I can’t say when I’ll be able to. Don’t make me special. Don’t waste your time waiting for me. Keep looking around then you’ll forget about me.”

That’s not true! Yes, I did lie to you.

On that day, you have disappeared without uttering a word. There were no words of parting nor promises of beginning from you. And on the same day, I started longing for you. Every moment, since then, I started missing you and I was wishing to see you again so that I could tell you what’s going on in my heart.

Pain seared through my heart each moment, every day. I cried the tears of a lovelorn, the all-consuming sporadic weeping that shattered my entire body for an hour or end. I was so bitterly sorry for myself that I didn’t know how to survive the lonely days without you. I have tried to hide the despondency to everybody but it lived like parasites, sucking away my ability to enjoy life.

I have tried to detach myself from the bittersweet remembrance that holds me back from the hope that, one day we will meet again. I have tried to take the courage to move on in a new direction but I failed. I still think about meeting you one day, maybe, just maybe at the end of the road- the one that involves only us.

I’m sorry, I lied. I told you I can’t love you. But you have occupied the whole space in my mind and my heart. I wonder, why do love and pain have to go together? Why do our hearts function the way they do? Why do our hearts keep on loving and defy explanations?

Read 5 Reasons Why Letting Go Of Love That Hurts Is Good For You

how it feels to let go

I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt. It has been years but the thought of meeting someone else is not even a consideration. I still wince painfully every time I think of you. I want to tell you that I can’t bear the pain of knowing I won’t be able to see you again. It’s true, nothing is ever easy and it’s never easy to forget you. The memories of you, hurt me so much until now. And I can’t wait for the day when I see you again.

I’m sorry and if only I could turn back the hands of time, I would go back to that moment and tell you how I truly felt.

I’m sorry that you have never felt the warmth of my sweet embrace.

I’m sorry that you have swallowed unwilling tears that have no explanation.

I really am so sorry. I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me.

Maybe life is worthwhile if you to stay. I wish that one day, you will look back and hear those echoes of me in your heart.

And if one day, you’ll decide to come back again, I will love you differently- beautiful and new. One day, this loneliness and nightmare for both of us will be over.

Yes, I will do differently this time.

I will look straight into your eyes so you would see everything my heart is trying to tell you. I will look straight into your eyes so you would feel the love that’s different and new. And I will look straight into your eyes so you would feel the warmth of my love.

Read How Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life

I will tell all the passionate declarations I have kept in my heart for so many years. I will hold you with all the love I feel in my heart. I will kiss you like you’re the first person I’ve ever kissed. I will kiss you again and again until I memorize the taste of your lips.

I will wait for you because I have the promise that I know, deep in my heart, you still keep until now- to love you in a separate way. The one that involves only us and uninfluenced by the past and I can say I’m right here waiting for you.

how it feels to let go

— Share —

, , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Contempt in a Relationship: 10 Subtle Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

Contempt in a Relationship Subtle Signs You Mustn't Ignore

Let’s be real—if there’s one thing that can totally destroy a relationship, it’s contempt in a relationship. And what’s contempt? It’s when you start looking down on your partner, feeling like you’re better than them, and that sense of respect and love is just… gone.

Feeling contempt in a relationship can be super toxic, and once it creeps in, it becomes tough to have healthy communication. It’s one of those things that, if left unchecked, can drive couples apart faster than you think.

But don’t worry, the first step is recognizing it, and that’s what we’ll dive into here. First, let’s try to understand what is contempt in a relationship.

Related:

Up Next

3 Zodiac Signs Most Likely To Thrive In Long Distance Relationships

Zodiac Signs In Long Distance Relationships: Will You?

They say distance grows the heart fonder. But can long distance relationships be both exciting and daunting at the same time? While the idea of being apart from your partner may feel overwhelming, it also presents a unique opportunity for a deeper connection. 

Social media or other new apps help in bridging the gap, allowing couples to maintain their bonds despite the miles. However, not every zodiac love is easy to handle and comes with its fair share of challenges. 

Some signs want their partner to be physically present while some are naturally more suited to thrive in LDRs, creating a unique form of intimacy.

If you’re curious about which zodiac signs to have long distance rela

Up Next

Seeking Validation In Relationships? 7 Signs Of Emotional Validation

Seeking Validation In Relationships? Signs Of Emotional Validation

Do you ever feel like you are seeking validation in relationships? Have you ever felt like your emotions go unnoticed or misunderstood by your partner? Or maybe you are wondering what does validation in relationships look like?

Emotional validation in relationships is very important and it helps you to feel more connected to your partner.

It’s when someone not only listens but acknowledges and respects how you feel, even if they don’t entirely understand or agree with your emotions.

It strengthens the trust between you two and helps you to build a solid emotional foundation. Today, we are going to talk about what is emotional validation, the signs of emotional validation and how to practice emotional validation as a couple.

First, let’s talk abou

Up Next

10 Signs You’re Feeling Suffocated in A Relationship And How To Fix It

Signs You’re Feeling Suffocated in A Relationship

Have you ever caught yourself feeling suffocated in a relationship? You know that weird, heavy feeling where your personal space and freedom start disappearing. It’s not that you don’t love your partner, but something just feels off, like you’re constantly overwhelmed or restricted.

Whether it’s nonstop texting, never having time for yourself, or feeling emotionally exhausted, this can seriously mess with your mental and emotional health. But don’t worry, you’re not alone!

Today, we are going to talk about some of the major signs of feeling suffocated in a relationship, and more importantly, how to deal with it, so you can find your balance again without losing the connection you care about.

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, but these languages aren’t designed for neurodiverse individuals – who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones don’t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, let’s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, it’s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why She’s the Best Girlfriend You’ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When you’re dating a tomboy, you’re in for a relationship that’s refreshingly different. She’s someone who’s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If you’re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision you’ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

— Follow Us —