Weโve all gone through hard times. And we all get through them. However, some get through them better than others. So what is their secret? Most of it has to do with attitude. Here are few things to remember when life gets rough:
1. What is, is.
Buddhaโs famous saying tells us: โIt is your resistance to โwhat isโ that causes your suffering.โ Think about that for a minute. It means that our suffering only occurs when we resist how things are.
If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you canโt change it, then you have two choices: (1) either accept it and let go of the negativity, or (2) make yourself miserable by obsessing over it.
2. Itโs only a problem if you think itโs a problem.
Many times, we are our own worst enemy. Happiness is really dependent on perspective. If you think something is a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative.
But if you think itโs something you can learn from, then suddenly, itโs not a problem anymore.
3. If you want things to change, you need to start with changing yourself.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Donโt you know people whose lives are chaotic and stressful? And isnโt that largely because they feel chaotic inside?
Yes, it is. We like to think that changing our circumstances will change us. But we have it backwardsโwe need to change ourselves first before our circumstances will change.
Read 32 Thought Provoking Questions That are Reflections on the Self
4. There is no such thing as failureโonly learning opportunities.
You should just wipe the word โfailureโ right out of your vocabulary. All great people who have ever achieved anything have โfailedโ over and over.
In fact, I think it was Thomas Edison who said something like, โI did not fail at inventing the light bulb, I just first found 99 ways that it didnโt work.โ Take your so-called โfailuresโ and learn something from them. Learn how to do it better next time.
5. If you donโt get something you want, it just means something better is coming.
Thatโs hard to believe sometimes, I know. But itโs true. Usually, when you look back at your life, you will be able to see why it was actually a good thing that something didnโt work out.
Maybe the job you didnโt get would have made you spend more time away from your family, but the job you did get was more flexible. Just have faith that everything happens exactly the way itโs supposed to.
6. Appreciate the present moment.
When life gets rough, remember that this moment will never come again. And there is always something precious about every moment. So donโt let it pass you by! Soon it will just be a memory. Even moments that donโt seem happy can be looked upon as something that you might miss someday.
As the country song by Trace Adkins says, โYouโre gonna miss thisโฆyouโre gonna want this back. Youโre gonna wish these days hadnโt gone by so fastโฆ.you may not know this now, but youโre gonna miss thisโฆโ
Read How To Find Happiness By Living In The Present Moment
7. Let go of desire.
Most people live with an โattached mind.โ What this means is that they attach themselves to a desire, and when they donโt get it, their emotions plummet into negativity.
Instead, try to practice โdetached mind.โ That means that when you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain happy or neutral.
8. Understand and be grateful for your fears.
Fear can be a great teacher. And overcoming fears can also make you feel victorious. For example, when I was in college, I feared public speaking (one of the top 3 fears of all humans).
So I find it humorous now that not only do I speak in front of a group every day by being a college professor, I also teach public speaking! Overcoming fears just takes practice. Fear is really just an illusion. Itโs optional.
9. Allow yourself to experience joy.
Believe it or not, I know way too many people who donโt allow themselves to have fun. And they donโt even know how to be happy.
Some people are actually addicted to their problems and the chaos in them so much that they wouldnโt even know who they are without them. So try to allow yourself to be happy! Even if itโs just for a small moment, itโs important to focus on joy, not your hardships.
Read How Yoga Can Help With Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Research Reveals
10. Donโt compare yourself to other people.
But if you do compare yourself, compare yourself with people who have it worse than you. Unemployed? Be grateful that you live in a country that gives unemployment compensation, because most people in the world live on less that $750 a year.
So you donโt look like Angelina Jolie? Well, I bet there are more people who donโt than do. And you are probably way better looking than most people. Focus on that.
11. You are not a victim.
You need to get out of your own way when life gets rough. You are only a โvictimโ of your own thoughts, words and actions. No one โdoesโ something to you. You are the creator of your own experience.
Take personal responsibility and realize that you can get out of your hard times. You just need to start with changing your thoughts and actions. Abandon your victim mentality and become victorious. From victim to VICTOR!
Read What to Do When Life Sucks ?
12. Things canโand doโchange.
โAnd this too shall passโ is one of my favorite sayings. When we are stuck in a bad situation, we think that there is no way out. We think nothing will ever change. But guess what? It will!
Nothing is permanent except death. So get out of the habit of thinking that things will always be this way. They wonโt. But you do need to take some sort of action for things to change. It wonโt magically happen all on its own.
13. Anything is possible.
Miracles happen every day. Reallyโthey do. I wish I had enough space to write about all the miraculous things that have happened to people I knowโfrom healing stage 4 cancer naturally to having their soulmate appear out of nowhere. Trust me: it happens all the time. You just need to believe it does. Once you do, you have won the battle.
I hope you will remember these things when life gets rough.
Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful. Thank you very much! I greatly appreciate it!
Originally appeared on Lifehack.com
Written by Dr Carol Morgan
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