Have you ever sent a text you wished you could take back? Or have you ever received a text that confused you, hurt you, or made you angry? If you have, you may understand how texting can be a risky framework for building relationships.
Face-to-face is where relationships live and thrive, so, as a rule of thumb, try to save the important stuff for face-to-face conversations.
Here are eight specific things to avoid when texting:
1. Complaints.
โI told you not to text me during finals.โ or, โYou should be nicer to my parents.โ Because your recipient canโt hear your voice, they have no idea just how big a deal this is to you. Does it warrant a breakup? Are you only mildly annoyed? Or are you just playing?
Also read 6 Snapchat Safety Tips To Teach Your Kids
2. Insults.
โI knew I could count on you to be late,โ or, โTypical male response.โ Insults, like complaints, arenโt any more fun to read than they are to hear, and they can be confusing. Also, you might regret what you said later when youโve had more time to think about it. When it comes to negativity over texts, just donโt.
3. Explanations and apologies.
โI was so tired, I wasnโt thinking straight.โ โI thought youโd appreciate having the tickets ahead of time.โ Such explanations may be too complex for text. You wonโt do yourself any favors by writing instead of talking. Instead, try, โI owe you an apology. Can we meet tonight?โ Then take all the time you need to say it in person.
4. Questions about the other personโs behavior.
โWhy didnโt you text me back yesterday?โ or โR u mad at me?โ Give the person a chance to explain without relying on their thumbs. Meet face to face, or at least voice to voice, before asking the question.
Also read The โThree Times Ruleโ for Starting Difficult Conversations
5. Bombshells.
โI think we should see other people,โ or, โThey found a lump.โ Even positive big news like, โI think I love you,โ is best dropped in person, or at least in real time. Most people dislike getting bombshells via text, and might think less of you for doing it.
6. Heavy topics.
Texting wasnโt intended to be a substitute for serious conversations about heavy topics like child custody issues, IRS audits, health problems, etc. Wait for, or create, a face-to-face opportunity to discuss these.
7. Private information.
Credit card numbers, naked photos โ anything you wouldnโt want to see posted all over the Internet โ should not be texted, either. Hackers could gain access to your messages without your knowledge or permission.
8. Secrets.
โJ. doesnโt know that M. and C. are dating behind D. and N.โs backs,โ or โBetsy is such a klepto.โ As above, always assume your message could end up in front of the wrong pair of eyes. Avoid risk. Just donโt.
Also read 9 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Alive And Exciting
The Courage Not to Text
No matter how many posts you read about what not to send in a text, you might still end up typing things you shouldnโt. Why does this happen?
Many people are uncertain how to handle difficult conversations in person. Texting offers a feeling of safety and distance: You donโt have to look into the other personโs eyes and figure out how to respond from moment to moment.
If this describes you, it might help you to know that most of us have trouble with difficult conversations. Handling a topic flawlessly is not the point. The point is to show up and be open to floundering around a bit with someone who really matters to you.
Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.
Written by: Tina Gilbertson
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
Republished with permission
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