EGONOMICS : How much affirmation do you need and How much do you get. The Supply of and demand for ego feed
The physical sciences have their methods for modeling “dynamics,” the interaction of lots of things. We can measure changes in distance, mass, speed, and volume, both of individual things and of populations of them.
In the physical sciences, however, there are no such qualities as good and bad, in other words, of value, worth, or usefulness. Value is unavoidable in the life and social sciences. To talk about a biological trait as “functional” is to say that it is useful, of value to the organism, given the organism’s preferences. Likewise and obviously, psychology is largely about tracking the dynamics of value: what people want and don’t want.
Of all of the life and social sciences, which one offers the most subtle and sophisticated method for modeling dynamics of value?
I’d start by saying fiction does an impressive job of modeling it, though only impressionistically. I think fiction can capture the vast tangle of conflicting human appetites better than academic psych research papers. Still, science is after greater precision than can be captured in fiction. Fiction is loose and evocative. Science is tight, though often dry.
Of the sciences, I’d say it’s economics that does the best job. In economics, we model changes in the dynamic supply of and demand for valuable things and services.
Economics was the obvious place to start to develop such value-modeling, because, in economics, we can start with an abstract unit of generic value: money. Money gave the field a way around a sticky moral issue. What’s worth valuing? What’s good? What’s bad?
The real-world answer is, it depends. The moral, idealistic answer is anyone’s guess. People argue a lot about what’s valuable.
Money is great for sidestepping the question of what’s of value. Money is “fungible,” the economics term for exchangeable, tradeable, or translatable into whatever value anyone wants. Economists can work out a dynamics of value without committing on what’s of value. Economics works whether people value peace on Earth or a gold toilet seat.
Having started with an abstract measure of value, economics’ modeling methods have migrated to other abstract values. For example, these days there are “attentionomics,” which studies the supply of and demand for attention. Biologists have likewise applied economic methods to modeling the dynamics of functional (useful, valuable) biological traits.
We, humans, are a different kind of organism. Through our powers of language, we have self-awareness and self-consciousness. We value self-awareness, though we rather dislike self-consciousness, which is kind of funny when you think about it. The terms sound synonymous. What is the difference?
We like to like what we see in ourselves. We do not like not liking what we see in ourselves. I’d prefer to look down and see a swell fellow. I’d prefer not to look down and see some loser dork.
The difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness isn’t in the seeing but in what’s seen. Both are introspection. One is pleased introspection; the other is displeased introspection.
Ideally, I wouldn’t need to check myself out at all. The only way to do that comfortably is to know that looking down, what I’d find is a swell fellow. If I know I’m great, I don’t have to check, just like if I know my roof is solid, I don’t need to check.
I’d like to get there, but the confidence that I’m a swell fellow doesn’t come easy. So I reassure myself. I give myself self-affirmations, even sometimes aloud, even in public. And I look for signs from the public too, affirmations that I’m A-OK. For example, I check how many people read my articles or like my Facebook posts.
Not just me, mind you. All of us are born with that struggle between liking and not liking what we see in ourselves and wishing for evidence that we’re A-OK, even great. We’d like to feel permanently blessed, but short of that, we’d settle for daily affirmations.
In other words, we have egos to be fed. We, humans, value having a supply of ego-feed. Even those of us who want to be admired for our egoless humility.
Humans value self-affirmation. For what parts of ourselves? That’s fungible. If looks are what you’re going for, then affirmation for being hot. If brains are what you’re going for, then affirmation for being smart. If righteousness is what you’re going for, then affirmation for being righteous.
Rich, famous, talented, lovable, admired for our stamp collections, our cars, and guitars—the list goes on, and if we imagine an abstract currency called ego-feed, we can apply the economic method for modeling the dynamics of value for ego-feed. In other words, egonomics, the supply of and demand for ego-feed.
There is a limited supply of ego-feed, though, given human imaginations, we can give ourselves virtual ego-feed in unlimited supply. Think of any religion you find preposterous—not yours, of course, if you have one, but imagine someone who thinks their (bogus, in your opinion) God loves them. That’s virtual ego-feed. A god could approve of everyone, though that’s not likely any more than “everyone is exceptional.” It kind of takes the feed out of ego-feed to believe that everyone is getting the same ration as you are.
Or think of any fable taken to heart in which one’s own kind (the whites, males, Americans, Christians, Hindus, or Muslims, for example) are made out as the heroes who, though long-suffering, are vindicated triumphantly in the end. Read such myths and get patriotic or racist, and you’ve got an unlimited virtual supply of ego-feed not rationed out evenly.
There’s also a generic supply of virtual ego-feed in any fiction. Watch any blockbuster movie, identify with the hero or anti-hero, and you’ll get a fix of ego-feed even if you are nothing like the hero. ISIS members identify with the heroes of Hollywood movies. Identifying with fictional heroes is a virtual ego-feed to be enjoyed in the privacy of your own mind.
Consider next the demand for ego-feed. It’s variable, not just in that some people want to be seen for their looks and others for their stamp collections, but also in the difference in the quantity of ego-feed people demand.
There are “egoholics” so addicted to ego-feed they’re like hummingbirds which will die if they don’t get nectar every 15 minutes. Some people demand a lot of ego-feed because their lives are so hard. They need some kind of affirmation to offset the abuse they experience.
Some people demand a lot of ego-feed because their lives are so easy. They expect to be maintained in the manner to which they are accustomed. Such people are often surprised and angry when the ego-feed dries up: for example, the hotties who, as they age, become not-hotties. Where did my ego-feed go?
Temperament alone affects the demand for ego-feed. Some just need to shine a lot. Others are fine disappearing into the woodwork.
There are the egonomic nouveau riche too, people who stumble into a whole lot of ego-feed and go crazy-reckless, overstuffing themselves on it. Rock star biographies often have an element of that. The suddenly well-fed egoholic gets drunk on their ego-feed windfall, thinks they can do no wrong, and ends up doing a lot of wrongs.
There’s a lot to be explored in egonomics. Here I just scratch the surface. On a personal level, it’s interesting to think about our own demand for and supply of ego-feed. Perhaps we don’t get around to thinking about it, because it’s hard to admit that we have egos to feed. We’d rather be admired for our egoless humility.
Ego-feeding is probably one of the most self-absorbing things human beings end up doing, and this is where egonomics comes into play. No matter how you feed your ego, be it virtually, physically, or mentally, the more you feed it, the more it will want from you. Egonomics is the perfect way to explain human ego, and how it works most of the time.
Are you struggling with your finances? Is the problem with your budget or with your mindset? Developing a net worth mentality can help you overcome typical middle-class beliefs and experience financial independence.
What Is The Net Worth Mentality
This mindset forces us to look at our personal finances from a long-term perspective. It not only encourages us to manage our finances beyond the month but shows us how we can increase our funds to experience complete financial independence.
The net worth mentality is a concept for financial success which is derived from the insightful book The Bogleheads’ Guide to Investing by Taylor Larimore, Mel Lindauer, Michael LeBoeuf, and a foreword by John C. Bogle. On page 7 of the paperback edition, the book explains this mindset as:
“From the time we are old enough to understand, society conditions us to confuse income with wealth. We believe that doctors, CEOs, professional athletes, and movie actors are rich because they earn high incomes. We judge the economic success of our friends, relatives, and colleagues at work by how much money they earn. Six- and seven-figure salaries are regarded as status symbols of wealth.
Although there is a definite relationship between income and wealth, they are very separate and distinct economic measures.”
It adds “Income is how much money you earn in a given period of time. If you earn a million in a year and spend it all, you add nothing to your wealth. You’re just living lavishly. Those who focus only on net income as a measure of economic success are ignoring the most important measuring stick of financial independence. It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you keep.”
The budget or paycheck mentality keeps us focused on growing our income as opposed to growing our net worth. One you realize the importance of saving money and become very intentional about your spending, you can finally start shifting your mindset to focusing on net worth.
This will not only enable you to earn more money but empower you to keep more money and build security and long-lasting assets to have a better life for you and your family. The key is understanding that income and wealth are separate ideas.
Author and entrepreneur Trent Hamm explains “It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you keep. That’s a very strong assertion… The money you keep is the money that will allow you to be truly financially free. The one true path to a future where you can do whatever you want is to have a high net worth.” This is the reason why the rich get richer and how you can start thinking like a rich person.
Ways To Shift To Net Worth Mentality
If you want to develop a net worth mentality, then you need to start by changing how you look at money. Once you do that, you need to change your thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and practices related to your personal finances. When you do this, you will be able to develop the right habits to help you shift from a budget mentality to a net worth mentality.
Brett and Kate McKay explain “Increasing your net worth is just a matter of paying off debt, saving more, and earning more. Simple in concept, but often hard to do. You really have to start playing the long game with your finances when you switch from a paycheck to a net worth mentality.”
Here are a few ways that can help you get started and boost your net worth:
1. Spend Less Than You Earn
If you want to increase your wealth, then you need to be more intentional about your spending. When you practice frugality, you add more value to your life. When you understand that it is not necessary for you to spend your entire paycheck in a month, you will realize that you can use the same paycheck as a tool to increase your wealth.
So every month you need to plan your personal finances in a way that you will still have money left in your bank after your monthly expenses, savings, and retirement planning. To do this, you might need to prioritize your expenditures and cut out unnecessary things.
“While you might not have much control over your income, you have significant control over how much you save. So maybe your boss can’t give you a raise this year – start saving more money by going out to eat less or buying fewer clothes,” add the McKays.
Instead of simply planning for the monthly budget, set long term financial goals that will help you to grow your wealth. One of the ways to develop a net worth mentality is to break your primary financial goal into micro-goals that can be managed more easily. And a great way to do this is to set up an emergency fund.
“An emergency fund is money for those unexpected setbacks in life and their accompanying bills,” writes Brett and Kate.
Your emergency fund can prove highly useful when there are sudden expenses you need to meet. Instead of using your credit card to pay for such unforeseen expenses and adding to your debt, you can just use this fund for emergencies. But the best part is, you will still be enjoying interest in your bank account, boosting your net worth.
3. Reduce Debt
Debt is a bane for most of us and greatly impacts our net worth. When you actively work on eliminating debt from your life and live a life that doesn’t lead to more debt, you will be able to shift towards a net worth mentality. “The easiest way to increase your net worth is to simply eliminate any debt from your balance sheets,” add the authors of the Art of Manliness.
However, you need to realize that paying off your debt isn’t solely reliant on your income. Your savings also play a big role when it comes to eliminating financial debt from your life. “You can always find ways to save a bit more and pay down that nut,” the McKays suggest. They add “I know for some of you, the idea of paying off your debt in a few years seems downright impossible. But it can be done.”
Taking steps to increase your immediate income is another great way to shift to a net worth mentality. Yes, saving is a crucial part of accumulating wealth, but boosting your income is also crucially, if not equally, important. Although wealth is not heavily dependent on how much money you earn, increasing your income can help to boost your net worth. However, you need to realize that a bigger paycheck doesn’t necessarily mean a better net worth.
Brett and Kate McKay suggest “The fastest and easiest way to increase your income is to ask for a raise from your employer. If it looks like you’ve peaked at your salary level with your current employer, then it’s time to start looking for another job. And if you’re self-employed, consider raising your rates or increasing the number of clients you take on/products you make/services you offer.”
5. Have Multiple Sources Of Income
When struggling from paycheck to paycheck on a monthly basis then it can be definitely hard to develop a net worth mentality. This is why relying on only one source of income, your day job is never a smart financial move.
Look for other ways to bring in more income into your bank account. “Investing, hobbies and other opportunities can provide you a way to take the money you have and leverage it into something even larger,” suggests debt consolidation expert and writer Miranda Marquit. However, you need to be aware of the risks associated with whatever you choose to do.
The McKays add “A side hustle is something you do to earn money during your spare time when you’re not on the clock at work. The sky’s the limit with side hustles. Just take inventory of your talents and figure out if they could be turned into a product or service for which people are willing to pay.”
Once you have paid off your debt, you need to focus on investing to boost your net worth. The key is to focus on the long-term when investing to build wealth. If you’re looking to make fast money, then it will be nothing short of gambling with your existing funds as the risks are simply too high.
Brett McKay writes “I recommend that you focus on index funds for your investments. Index funds provide myriad benefits over traditional stocks and actively managed mutual funds.” The fact is, in the long run, index funds perform better than “actively managed funds.”
Develop The Right Mindset
Most of us tend to believe that the path to financial success is based on our income and a smart monthly budget. However, when we start living from one paycheck to another, we are simply struggling to barely manage our finances instead of growing them. This is why it is crucial that we develop the net worth mentality instead of the budget or paycheck mentality when it comes to improving our personal finances.
“A person with a budget mentality just focuses on increasing their income in order to increase their wealth. A person with a net worth mentality also seeks to boost their income but builds their wealth through saving and investing as well,” explained Brett and Kate McKay, authors of the Art of Manliness.
With the paycheck mentality, you tend to spend your earnings to survive each month. This can lead to a lot of anxiety as you wait for the next paycheck to roll in. However, when you have the mindset to build your net worth, you not only focus on spending less, but also build the habit of growing your wealth each month.
“Saving is important,” says financial expert, sales trainer, and author Steve Siebold. However, developing a net worth mentality is not just about saving or earning more. It’s about changing your perspective and the way you treat money. It requires you to shift your focus from the monthly budget to long-term thinking. “Because the long-term future is so fuzzy and amorphous, it can be hard to plan your finances around something so abstract,” add Brett and Kate McKay.
However, if you can make this crucial mental shift, you will feel a lot more financially independent, secure, and confident during your old age.
People mostly talk about introverts and extroverts and how different they are from each other. There is another category of people who are mostly ignored in this battle between introversion, and extroversion, and they are the ambiverts.
Ambiverts have the best of both worlds. They’re neither entirely introverted nor extroverted; they fall in the middle ground. They share some traits of extroverts and some of the introverts. To show some love to all the ambiverts out there, we have compiled some ambivert memes, that will surely make you go ha-ha.
Here Are 40+ Ambivert Memes To Make You Laugh
1.
After Lockdown extension Introverts Extroverts Ambiverts
2.
The extrovert state Ambivert Introverts trying to achieve extrovert state
3.
Social Scientist: There’s ambiverts The general reader: ambi WHAT
4.
I’m an ambivert. Does that still count as introverted?
5.
Extroverts in quarantine Introverts in quarantine Ambiverts in quarantine
I’d say I’m a little bit of both…I’m an extrovert because I love meeting people… Connecting with them, and smiling with them. But I’m also an introvert because: no I don’t. I feel this in my soul
9.
extroverts: yeah, I like socializing, partying, this is so fun, I love all this stuff meeting new people life is so fun i love being with a lot of people I have so much friends. introverts: I enjoy being home I don’t need people I can make fun by myself playing games reading books making memes staying at home are the best things in my life I don’t need a lot of friends I’m fine with just one life is so fun at home me, a fucking ambivert with social anxiety and social awkwardness, living in an area with a small number of kids my age: *autistic screeching*
10.
When you relate to both introvert and extrovert memes [visible confusion]
11.
You’re an “ambivert” because you need alone time but you also have friends. How rare and unusual for a human.
12.
Government: We are going to shut down everything for 30 days. Introverts, Extroverts, Ambiverts
13.
Ambivert salesman: * breathes* Customer: I’ll take your entire stock You guys will get this, right?
14.
Ambiverts *confused screaming*
15.
Does this man want to be seen or not
16.
Everyone talks about introverts and extroverts. And I’m just sitting here being an ambivert.
17.
Extrovert Vs Ambivert Vs Introvert
18.
Oh so you’re an ambivert. Please tell us again how much better at sales you are than the rest of us.
19.
Introvert me having a great time at home Extrovert me wanting to go out Fricking Ambivert
20.
Tonight I will be extroverting, tomorrow introverting. By the end of the week, you will realize I was just ambiverting the whole time.
Extrovert: You can’t defeat me. Introvert: I know, but he can. Ambivert:
22.
If I go out I’ll want to come home, but if I stay home I’ll want to go out.
23.
I ate an introvert and I’m an extrovert. So now am I ambivert?
24.
Lonely introvert ambivert
25.
As an ambivert I have the superpower of both entirely welcoming social isolation and also becoming stir crazy. Law of contradiction be damned.
26.
Extrovert vs Introvert vs Ambivert
27.
Arriving at a party Extrovert: This is awesome! I can’t wait to meet everybody! Ambivert: Oh, there’s some people I know! This will be fun. Introvert: I can’t believe I put on pants for this.
28.
Introverts and extroverts Ambiverts: [laughter] You dumb bitch.
29.
You are either an introvert or extrovert! Which is it??? Extrovert! Introvert. Ambivert
30.
Government: We need to shut everything down for 30 days. Introverts, Extroverts, Ambiverts.
People as plants Extrovert: Colourful and hard to get rid of. Most often found in groups. Ambivert: Lovely and sweet most of the time, but can be unexpectedly thorny. Introvert: Hoards life-sustaining water within. Stands alone; don’t get too close!
36.
Somehow I am both of these people.
37.
When she tells you she’s been reading into MBTI and proceeds to tell you she’s an ambivert.
38.
When you don’t know anyone in class and you have to work in groups. introvert/ ambivert club right here
39.
Another introverts vs extroverts meme: *exists* Ambiverts:
How my brain works. Utterly obsessed Uninterested.
43.
Introverts dealing with isolation Extroverts dealing with isolation Me an ambivert
44.
“Is Ambivert an MBTI type?”
45.
Extrovert: Introvert: People who call themselves ambivert
So, these are all the memes for ambiverts that we’ve compiled for you. We hope you had a good laugh over this, and let us know in the comments down below, which ones were your favorite, and you found the most relatable.
As empaths, and sensitive people, is all the suffering right now making you feel like you should take on the world’s pain to make everything better?
It’s not your job to take on the world’s pain.
Empaths and sensitive people have open hearts. They don’t have the same emotional guard up that many others do. They feel people’s pain–both loved ones and strangers–and instinctively they want to take it away from them.
Right now, we are going through an extremely challenging time. Many of my empath patients are suffering tremendously from the massive suffering and fear that is manifesting in the world. This makes them and all sensitive people particularly vulnerable to overwhelm, exhaustion, and anxiety. Especially when many of them have been taught that being compassionate means it’s their job to remove other people’s pain.
This is not true. You can hold a supportive space for someone without absorbing their distress in your own body. Finding this balance is the art of healing. Inwardly you can say, “This is not my burden to carry.” It is impossible to fix someone and it is really none of your business to try. More than twenty years of being a physician have taught me that everybody deserves the dignity of their own path.
Here are a few tips from Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People to decrease your stress level and find your center, even in the midst of uncertainty and chaos.
Practice deep breathing to exhale stress.
Limit exposure to news.
Do not let others feed your panic. Even though we are going through a scary time now, panic is not the key to any door. When you feel panic, breathe deeply, meditate for a few minutes to center yourself, and focus on feeling safe in the now.
If you notice yourself absorbing the stress or pain of others, take some alone time to regroup and replenish yourself.
Do not get into victim mode. Try to see the lessons you can learn from chaos and crises rather than feeling only victimized.
Stay in the Now. The only way to get through this is a day at a time. Try to stop yourself when your mind catastrophizes about the future.
Many empaths are used to socially distancing as part of their everyday lives so it may take less getting used to than others’ experience. Earth is not a realm just of sweetness and light. It has great darkness here, and also great suffering. Our intention, as sensitive people, is to not become martyrs and victims but to try to summon all the light possible to increase the light in the world and overcome the darkness with love. This requires faith, and a strong belief in love—we can all do it together.
Practice this intention from “Thriving as an Empath”
I can be compassionate without becoming a martyr or taking on another person’s pain. I can respect someone’s healing process without trying to “fix” them.
Do you feel guilty for being an introvert? Do you feel ashamed for choosing alone time over social interactions? Introvert guilt is a real thing and here’s how to deal with it.
Why introverts feel guilty
All introverts, including me, love their alone time. We love spending time with ourselves in our home and in our bed, reading, listening to music, watching movies, thinking & reflecting or just simply being. However, this blissful experience can often turn uncomfortable as we soon start feeling guilty about it. Of course, we love our family and friends and we do enjoy socializing at times, but incessant social invitations make us feel stressed and compelled to say ‘yes’.
Marketing expert Marilyn Rogers explains “When you’re an introvert, it’s challenging to live in a world where extroverts set the social standards.” So we simply choose to bail out of these social gatherings. However, when we constantly keep declining countless invitations to parties, events and hangouts with people we love, it can often lead to an excruciating feeling of introvert guilt.
Professor and author Christina Berchini writes “Meeting an introvert’s needs for quiet and privacy, for many extroverts, has become a zero-sum game. Moreover, meeting an extrovert’s needs, and failing to, can result in considerable guilt on the part of the introvert who fails.” We end up feeling like a bad person for avoiding the people we care about, for disappointing them, for choosing our own company and not around others. We feel selfish, ashamed and downright terrible. And due to this guilt, we often end up in events and around people we would have just avoided otherwise. This can have a negative impact not just on our relationships with our friends and family, but also on our mental health.
“Introverts spend a great deal of time and energy feeling guilty,” writes introvert author, coach and entrepreneur Michaela Chung. For some unknown reason we tend to believe that enjoying our alone time is nothing but a selfish act. We believe that a selfish person is a bad person who doesn’t deserve to be loved. We often feel guilty for avoiding the social norms established for and by extroverts. In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, author Susan Cain explains “Now that you’re an adult, you might still feel a pang of guilt when you decline a dinner invitation in favor of a good book. Or maybe you like to eat alone in restaurants and could do without the pitying looks from fellow diners. Or you’re told that you’re “in your head too much,” a phrase that’s often deployed against the quiet.”
So we struggle all the time between paying attention to our own needs for solitude and other’s needs for being social. This guilt often makes us wonder if we are a failure for not being able to enjoy the life that makes extroverts feel so alive. We wonder if something is wrong with us. “We feel bad for not being extroverted enough. Perhaps, our guilt pushes us to do things that we normally wouldn’t do. Maybe good things happen as a result. Fine. But do we really want guilt to be our primary motivator? We should be driven by our convictions, not by guilt,” adds Michaela.
We need to realize that being alone is a crucial aspect of our introverted being, says Michaela. When we allow introvert guilt to dominate our thoughts and emotions and influence our decisions, we fail to embrace our most authentic and genuine selves. Solitude allows us to recharge ourselves, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It allows us to face the extroverted world once more and overcome the challenges it throws at us.
If you want to overcome your feelings of guilt for being an introvert and enjoy your solitude, then here are a few ways to get started, as suggested by Michaela Chung:
1. Identify your guilt
If you want to cope with your guilt, then you need to start by finding the reason for it. Why do you feel guilty? Is it because you think spending time alone and avoiding others is a sign of selfishness? Do you think that repeatedly isolating yourself will alienate you from your friends, family and others? Do you believe that people will judge you for being who you truly are? Calm your mind and think about which particular aspect of being an introvert gives rise to your guilt.
2. Let go of negative beliefs
Once you have successfully identified the source of your introvert guilt, understand what particular beliefs you are still holding on to which drive your guilt. Recognize your beliefs that don’t serve you anymore and let them go. Irrespective of what you feel about yourself, unless you truly embrace your introversion, you will feel that you’re selfish and a terrible person, leading to more guilt.
Michaela explains “Usually the worst thing that can happen is something that’s already happening – you feeling bad about yourself. At a certain point you see that it’s all in your head. No one has any real power over you. No one’s opinion of you matters more than your own.”
3. Believe in yourself
One of the primary reasons for this guilt is that we do not accept our inner introvert wholeheartedly. We do not trust our introverted instincts, inner needs, dreams and desires. We don’t trust our own selves. Instead, we start believing what extroverts think about us. We fail to realize that we ourselves know what is actually best for us.
If you want to get rid of guilt, then have faith in yourself. And you can gain this trust only through evidence and practice. Michaela writes “Practice giving yourself what you need in small doses at first, and see how it feels. Snatch an hour or two of alone time here and there. Then try a whole evening, or weekend. It’s up to you to decide how much alone time feels good to you!”
Here are some other quick tips for dealing with introvert guilt:
4. Maintain relationships the way it works for you
If you prefer more intimate interactions than loud parties, then let your loved ones know that. Take initiative to meet your family and friends the way you find it convenient for you. You don’t have to force yourself to be more social, if you don’t want to. Do what makes you happy from within, in the real sense.
5. Stick to a daily recharge routine
If you have your own family, then enjoying your solitude will surely lead to introvert guilt. This is why it is crucial to set a recharge routine that allows you to enjoy your alone time on a daily basis without ignoring your family or responsibilities. For instance, set 30 minutes apart for yourself each day and let your family know you will be unavailable during this time.
6. Practice mindfulness
Instead of wasting your time mindlessly scrolling through social media or unimportant activities, practice mindfulness meditation for 10 minutes everyday. This will help you connect with your inner self and find the peace you are looking for.
7. Create a balance.
The key to getting rid of introvert guilt and finding happiness as an introvert is to find a balance between solitude and socializing. Actively make some time to meet your loved one once or twice a week and you can enjoy the rest of your leisure time with yourself… guilt-free.
When you unconditionally accept who you are and embrace your inner introversion, you will see your introvert guilt disappear sooner than you can think. Accept that your alone time is valuable, but also understand that your friends and family need you to be with them at times. Accept yourself, but be responsible for others as well. If you do that, you can enjoy your solitude anyway you want.
Author and coach Michaela Chung concludes “Introverts have the right to make their own path and construct their lives as they see fit. Unless you’re hurting someone else, there’s no need to feel guilty about your preferences. That’s why they call them ‘personal’ preferences; you are not obligated to justify them to anyone else.”
So if you want to spend an entire evening alone at home and not go to the hippest party in town, then that’s okay. It’s absolutely fine to enjoy your own company and not feel the need to seek attention from others.
Self-discovery, and staying in the present moment are sometimes easier said than done. But these 27 lessons can help you a lot in getting there.
To celebrate the amazing gift of being (still) alive after all that I’ve been going through, I want to share 27 lessons that I have learned over the last 27 years of my human existence. So grab your favorite notebook, hot drink or snack of your choice and see what the following words can teach you (hint: there is always a message between the lines – for everyone – including you)!
Ready?
27 years. 27 lessons.
1. This is something that I’ve not only “learned”, but that I truly believe in: Not everything can be cured, but we all have the innate power to heal ourselves and consciously change our (own GOOD) lives. I have done this, I have seen it happening in everyday life.
That’s why I know that there is hope for everyone. There is no mystery to self-healing, it is consciousness, courage, commitment, and consistency that move us from years of misery to the beauty of inner peace.
2. Healing starts with one conscious choice. It starts with making a courageous commitment for yourself – to yourself. It takes a hell lot of courage, commitment, and consistency and it will not happen overnight. But it works, if you put in the work. You own it to yourself – and yourself only. Commit to it and stick to it, because the work truly will be worth it!
3. The past repeats itself until it completes itself. The better you understand yourself, the better you respond to change. No-one can ever change you (even if I wish this wasn’t true). You have to do this work by yourself – for yourself because you are your own best self-healer.
Counseling, therapy, and healings do not move you closer to yourself if you are looking outside yourself for answers. You are the creator uncovering your own creative power! You are the healer. You are your own holistic therapist, your own holistic counselor.
BUT it’s of utmost importance to ask for – and accept – help along the journey. You need to become vulnerable and connect with someone who has done this work themselves to receive support throughout the progress. Asking for help is not just “ok”, but a beautiful sign of strength.
4. Self-care is not (always) glamorous! (Although the photos of bubbles filled baths and delicates foamed rainbow lattes try to tell us a different story..) It takes commitment, strength, and brutal honesty! Sometimes, coming back to the basics is really important. And it’s so often forgotten as we are always on the hunt for the “best” and “most advanced” self-care tool out there.
We read we watch, we consume.. and we overlook simplicity when simple is often the most meaningful and transformative. “Self-care” sounds lovely, but it can feel hard to access when we don’t specifically know what it looks like for us. Self-care is showing up for yourself to do the REAL HARD work of healing over and over again. It’s trying to change the harmful self-critical narratives in your head and tell yourself a different story.
5. Your ego is nothing to “get rid off”. The ego arises out of the state of identification with thought. The moment of freedom arises when we realize that we are not our thoughts—rather, we are the awareness of watching the thought. To the ego self-acceptance is death.
Do the Ego work. It will be challenging. Your Ego will hate it, resist it, make you feel miserable at times, but it will eventually set you free. Befriend it. Be kind. Don’t try to fight something that’ll be part for you for a lifetime. Believe me, the work is worth it. Every bad day for the Ego is a good day for the soul!
6.In order to be who you are, you have to let go of who you think you are. When you practice present moment awareness for long enough, you will discover that you don’t “have” a soul. You ARE a soul. And you have a body. One is manifested in form, the other is pure awareness or consciousness. Your body is your soul’s chance to be here. But you better treat both with love and care. (I’m talking holistic wellness here!)
7. Books are great for learning, but they’re terrible for action, accountability, and transformation. Books won’t teach you how to become conscious. You can only teach yourself through practice. (Self)awareness is like a muscle. It builds with consistent repetition.
We, as a society, are in the midst of an evolutionary crisis. We think, obsess, ruminate, problem-solve, talk, read, and consume information in an effort to find answers and relieve pain. We chase for insights and knowledge but forget to practice the most important lesson: to act, to do the work, to look insight, and practice what we preach.
You don’t need to know everything to know yourself. Your challenges are not meant to defeat you. They are meant to REVEAL you. From you. To yourself. If you face them with confidence, they will only make you stronger!
8. Our body has an innate ability to heal, and it keeps the scars of your past. The body remembers what the mind forgets. And what the mind suppressed, the body expresses. So many answers can be found when you get out of your mind and into your body. Calming the mind and resting the body by getting out of stressful “fight-or-flight” modes of thinking are key to healing. Most of the answers can be found in intentional stillness (meditation).
9. You cannot be free from pain. But you can be free of the fear of pain. Everything we experience is mind-made – mediated and shaped by our mental processes. We really do create our own reality. This means that we can always consciously CHOOSE to take another path.
So if you don’t like what you see, change your relation to it! Don’t let your thoughts and emotions destroy your inner peace. Remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means that you no longer let your past ruin the peace of the present moment!
10. We do not always need a plan to start. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just START (all over again)! You cannot think your way to an outcome. You’ve got to act your way to it. There is no quick fix when it comes to mental health. Life-changing transformation comes from small committed changes practiced with consistency.
11. Talking about starting, another important lesson I learned on my escape to Mama Bali: A “fresh start” isn’t a place. It’s a mindset. That means you can heal anywhere and don’t need to go to Bali (or any other place) to start doing the inner work. In fact, your current triggers are the very thing that will make you even stronger.
12. Healing is an ongoing journey of self-discovery. Healing = personal accountability. Personal accountability = freedom. So freedom = choice. Your life, your choice. Never blame anyone else for your healing progress. Read this, if you want to dig deeper.
13.Your breath is your most honest teacher. It will always reveal to you how you feel – in the present moment.Breath-work is FREE and yet one of the most powerful tools in my holistic healing tool-kit!
14. The art of listening is not to hear what someone says, but to hear how they feel. Listening is a hug you give with your heart. And we do not need to agree with someone to listen to them and hear them out. LISTEN and SILENT are spelled with the same letters. Think about it!
15.Stillness is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. In stillness, we create the space needed to create something new that is serving us. Go meditate. Daily. One of the gifts that slowness in the present moment gives us the chance to see things more deeply than we saw them before.
16. (Self-)forgiveness frees you from emotional bondage you weren’t even aware of suppressing. You are allowed to forgive yourself for everything (whatever everything maybe).
Letting go doesn’t mean that you forget. It means that you are no longer carrying the energy of the past into the present and future. The progress speeds up as soon as we forgive ourselves for taking so long to treat our bodies and minds as a home – instead of a prison.
17.Taking baby steps are usually more effective long-term than “big leaps”, but unfortunately soo much undervalued in modern society. A little change is still change. Keeping daily promises to ourselves. I know the Ego, or small self will protest. I know it will think it “knows better” and small promises “don’t matter” and will never bring you the “big” results. Mental resistance from the Ego is normal. Do it anyway!
18. Having hope for the future does not mean you think everything will go perfectly and according to plan. It means you are choosing to believe you can keep an open heart. Affirmations don’t work as you use them as a “magical tool”. There is a BIG difference between magic and miracles.
Magic: when you use your mind to tell the universe what you want vs. Miracle: when you ask the universe what it wants and how you can serve it.
So my advice: Don’t waste your time making a vision board. Make an AWARENESS board instead and remind yourself once you get distracted to return to the present moment!
19. Having the courage to do the right thing – whether it is large or small – will always make you feel better than doing something you don’t agree to. Nearly everything good, meaningful, and joyous in my life has come from stepping out of comfort and into the unknown, with no guarantee of what the outcome would be.
Confidence isn’t knowing other people like you. It’s knowing you’ll be fine if they don’t. (I believe this is a quote I picked up somewhere. But I don’t remember who said it..) So in my words: You do YOU!
20. Never ever stop being curious about learning. Seeking ongoing education and taking every other opportunity to broaden your knowledge of the world and its people will change your relationships.
21. You can heal and help others heal at the same time. We are back to “start before you are ready!” It’s in the DOING, not in the waiting, that we find our bravery.
22. Protecting yourself from negative people will speed up your healing journey. Believe me, I’ve been holding on to relationships that were only dragging me down for far too long. Set your boundaries and hold them!
23. What we resist, persists. What we deny still takes up space. In fact, the more we deny and resist the more ways it tries to grab for our attention. When we ignore, avoid, shrink it, and push it away, that which wants to be felt, experienced, owned, and seen can try to push itself out into our awareness so that we have to look and pay attention.
Patterns, illness, pain, disconnection, and more will present. Our work is to look. It’s to become more familiar with ourselves and our experiences. It’s to become an observer and learn. It’s to feel what needs to be felt, acknowledge what needs to be acknowledged, and own what needs to be owned.
Only by looking inward and asking the tough questions can we find the peace that comes with truly belonging and knowing our place in the world. True belonging means belonging to yourself and no one else. What I’ve learned is that you cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. Self-love, for me, is creating space in my life to heal, change, and transform my body and my mind.
24. You are both, the problem and the solution. Healing happens when we unpack our programming and conditioning and repackage it in ways that hold ourselves with honor respect, bravery, and empowerment. Healing happens with a change in perception of the illness one where we respond to our pain with love rather than fear.
25. The GOOD LIFE Journal is probably the best tool I have ever created and it has literally changed my life. It taught me to feel my feelings and don’t let myself be defined by my thoughts. Now I know that feeling will bring you so much closer to where you want to go than thinking!
26. As a Holistic Psychologist, Nutritionist, Yoga teacher, and holistic health practitioner as well as my own experiences as a patient, I strongly believe that mental health is rooted in the body and physical health is shaped by the mind. (That’s why I am not a big fan of separating the two.)
One of the most important things I’ve learned from working with people is that trauma is not an event. It’s the experience (through the body) we relate to that event. Trauma makes you feel hopeless. Healing happens when we acknowledge our feelings (in the present). Transformation happens through the body! Stored emotions need space to BREATHE (to be released)!
27.Always be true to yourself. Your truth will set you free. Don’t be ashamed to share it with the world! I know how scary this last one is. But here is what sharing my truth has taught me: When I started being honest and sharing openheartedly about my journey, other people started sharing similar stories. People I didn’t even know.
By sharing my truth I gave others permission to be true to themselves too. We are all faced with great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.
Here is to the next decades and everything I am going to learn, experience, and discover!
My wish for the future is this: I want us to be human. I want us to share what’s real. To show up imperfectly and not always edited and curated.
If you are ready to go from knowledge to experience to wisdom. From mind to body to soul. From thinking to feeling to being. From learning it with your head to practicing it with your hands and knowing it by heart, click here. It will be an honor to support you on your transformational journey.
I will keep you updated on my journey here and on Instagram, but now I am off to enjoy a big piece of my birthday cake!
Thank you for reading! Thank you for following me on my journey.
Know that you are loved. The world needs you, so go out there and SHARE YOUR LIGHT!
Check out Nila Conzen’s Instagram page here for more beautiful posts like this.
Living in the present moment, and working on yourself to progress on the path to self-awareness, and self-discovery will take time. Don’t think that it’s going to happen in the blink of an eye. Keep working on yourself, and treat yourself with a lot of love, patience, and kindness. You will get there.
If you want to know more about living in the present moment, then check this video out below:
Do you have more bad days than good days? Do you want to make your days better? Then you just need to do one thing: follow a good morning routine and watch how it changes your life.
Are you always rushing through your day? Struggling to keep up with deadlines? Getting the bare minimum done instead of doing your best to achieve your goals? Then it’s high time that you begin your day with good morning habits. If you are always reacting, instead of acting, then sticking to a morning routine can give you the leg up you need right now.
“You can’t make everything go according to plan. But you can change one thing that’s wholly under your control: your morning. And that will change everything about the rest of your day,” explains author Jeremy Anderberg in an Art Of Manliness article.
Here’s what science says
In a TIME magazine article, K. Aleisha Fetters writes “Whether you’re an early bird or the definitive opposite of a morning person, a mounting body of research shows that exactly what you do (or don’t do) during the first few hours of your day makes a huge impact on your happiness, productivity levels, and even your overall health.” And it is even backed by science.
According to a 2018 study, creating habits and routines can significantly help us in the long run. The research states “Routine is consistently found to be important for children. However, the importance of routine is not unique to children. Observational research indicates that individuals in good health engage in highly routine health behaviors.”
Another 2016 study, revealed that following good habits and routines on a daily basis, especially during the early stages of life, can determine success in adult life. Another study conducted in 2018, revealed that sticking to a morning routine can significantly reduce sleep inertia, increase morning activity levels, boost energy levels and improve performance.
So if you are keen on having a good workday, move towards your goals and have a better life experience, then here are some strategies that you need to follow, according to the Art Of Manliness:
1. Establish the Rule of 3.
When we lack clarity about what exactly we need or want to work on ourselves, it can become a lot easier for us to get derailed due to unforeseen circumstances or other people. This is why it is crucial that we use the Rule of 3 to guide us through our day. Author Chris Bailey describes the concept as:
“At the beginning of each day, before you start working, decide what three things you want to accomplish by the end of the day. Do the same at the start of every week.”
Hence, you need to start your day by setting 3 specific tasks that you will focus on for the day, despite whatever the circumstances are. These 3 priorities will help you get closer to your long-term goal one day at a time. Although you can set your priorities when you wake up, Jeremy Anderberg suggests it is best “to do it at the end of the previous workday.”
Another crucial morning routine is deciding what tasks you need to get done. This ensures a good start to a good day. But that’s obviously not enough. It is also important to set your intentions and know what your purpose is for the day. What is your overall goal for today?
According to author Caroline Webb, setting your intentions requires you to review your progress every single day. This is especially important when you are going through a long, challenging day when things are not going the way you wanted them to. “On days like these, keeping your intentions at the forefront of your mind will keep you from getting derailed,” writes author Jeremy Anderberg in the Art Of Manliness.
These intentions will greatly help in guiding your three priorities and your everyday decisions and actions. Moreover, reviewing your intentions will help to build the right attitude in the morning that will shape your entire day. In fact, your intentions will effectively guide you in navigating through unfavorable and negative situations. With the help of your intentions, you will be able to look at the bigger picture even when minor, inevitable obstacles try to block your path every day.
Jeremy explains “Knowing that each day contributes to a larger purpose helps ground your actions and motivates you to cut out distractions and not waste any of the precious time you have.”
3. Create contingency plans.
Things go bad when we least expect it. But you know that already. So it’s best to plan ahead for what can go wrong in your day. This will help you stay mentally prepared for any inconveniences you might face in the day. It is also important to avoid unnecessary or even important distractions. This can be a sudden urgent email, phone call, or something useless like social media notifications when you are focused on being your most productive self.
These distractions can hamper our concentration and prevent us from completing our top 3 priorities. “So, take a few minutes in the morning to anticipate what might come up and distract you. Troubleshoot before you need to troubleshoot,” adds Jeremy.
4. Get moving.
“Adults aged 18 – 64 should do at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic physical activity throughout the week or do at least 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic physical activity throughout the week or an equivalent combination of moderate and vigorous-intensity activity,” suggests the World Health Organization (WHO).
A 2006 study found that regular physical activity can not only help us stay fit and active, it can also boost our productivity, keep us safe from chronic diseases and reduce the risk of premature death. The study states “the greatest improvements in health status are seen when people who are least fit become physically active.” Moreover, it can also boost your motivation and help you deal with stress and anxiety as well.
So whenever you can manage the time, make sure you go for a 15 to 20-minute exercise routine, especially in the morning. You can opt for a basic cardio routine, lift weights, do yoga, or simply go for a walk outside.
Author Caroline Webb explains “researchers found that on days that people exercised before work or did something active during their lunch break, they were far better able to concentrate and handle their workload. Exercise also boosted people’s mood and motivation (by 41 percent) and their ability to deal with stress (by 27 percent).” This is another important morning routine you need to adhere to.
Make sure to give yourself a reward for all the work you have done at the end of the day. This can be especially helpful when you have a long, difficult day to go through. Your reward can be anything that makes you happy – from food to watching a movie or having an extra hour of sleep.
Jeremy writes “knowing you have something to enjoy at the end of it all can push you through the challenging hours you’re staring down in the morning.”
Bonus morning habits:
Here are some other strategies from author and ICF Certified Leadership & Executive Coach (PCC) Melissa Eisler. This will help you to develop the best morning routine so that you can have a good day every day:
Stay detached from technology (smartphone, social media, texts, emails etc) for the first hour of the day.
Make sure to drink a glass of water immediately after you wake up in the morning.
Have a positive mindset, practice gratitude and start your day with optimism.
Make your bed as this can make you feel accomplished at the start your day.
Incorporate mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises into your regular morning routine.
Make an effort to dress and look good as it will build your self-confidence.
Eat a nutritious breakfast as it can give you the boost you need in the morning.
How a morning routine can help you
Routines and habits prime you to be prepared and strive for success instead of getting entangled with challenges and obstacles. These enable us to think clearly, take the right action and achieve a lot more than we would have otherwise. Routines empower us to ensure that we focus on the most important things and get them done instead of struggling with our day.
But how can a morning routine help you? The answer is confirmation bias. It is a cognitive and psychological tendency that makes our brain seek and interpret information in a specific way that confirms our preconceptions and perspectives. So when you have a good or bad experience in the morning, your brain will search for ways to confirm that particular experience throughout the day. Hence, when you have a bad morning experience, your brain will seek confirmation and spoil the rest of the day.
However, when you have a good morning experience, “your brain will not only look past those seemingly negative experiences but search for ways to confirm this positive a.m. vibe throughout the rest of the day,” adds Jeremy.
A good morning routine creates a good day
Add the above-mentioned strategies and habits to your morning routine and follow them diligently every single day. Soon you will start experiencing how it makes a huge difference in your life. This will enable you to start off your day proactively instead of reactively.
Here is an interesting video that you may find helpful:
Being an empath can be a mentally and emotionally draining thing sometimes. Even though being an empath is a remarkable thing to be, it can indeed get exhausting when you are depleted of all your emotional energy.
Do you ever find yourself taking on the negative energy of others? If so, you are not alone. Most of us come in contact with numerous people every day – who bring us down.
We all feel it. We know when we are with someone who is high-spirited and happy or someone who is low and unhappy, but why is it so easy for others to affect us in negative ways? Some of us cannot even go into supermarkets without taking on the woes of everyone in the store. In order to shield ourselves from negative energy, we must first understand how our energy is infiltrated by others.
I worked as a crisis counselor at a well-known crisis center in New York for about seven years. I quickly figured out that if I was going to be successful at helping people, I couldn’t take on any negative energy. Because I uncovered the secret to keeping my energy clean and clear, I was able to assist thousands of people in dire need without once being adversely affected, and in fact, I consistently felt energized and fulfilled. If I can do it, anyone can.
Whenever you encounter someone, whether in the morning rush to the bathroom or over the conference table, an exchange of energy is at play. There is your energy and there is the other person’s energy. At some point in space, the energies meet. If you could be a fly on the wall, you would witness an interesting dance of vibration – with the strongest energy leading the dance.
This means that if you are not centered in your energy field, your energy could be infiltrated and influenced by that of your friend, spouse, child, friend, parent, or perhaps a stranger. So even if you are having a good day and you meet someone who is spewing their bad-day-energy onto you, your good day will likely turn bad.
You have been hit by Energy Infiltration.
This all happens without consciousness, but what if you actually brought a higher state of consciousness to all your interactions and relationships? What if you could be responsible for your energy and not be negatively affected by anyone’s lower vibe? What could this do for the quality of your life? And, for the quality of your relationships?
If you are going to protect your personal energy, you must first realize that your energy is your most valuable resource. In other words, how you feel on any given day is your greatest source of power and attraction. If you feel good, you are more connected to your power and to your ability to consciously create.
If you feel down, you are less connected to your power and you are likely unconsciously creating – more of what you do not want. When we allow the negative or incongruent energies of others to affect our energy, we give away our power and we lower ourselves vibrationally to a level where we do not have the ability to consciously create.
This means that it is all about you, and you don’t have to change anyone but yourself.
This is why it is essential to make “how you feel” the most important part of every day, and not compromise your energy for anything or anyone. So, how do you do it?
Reclaiming Your Energy And Preventing Energy Infiltration
1. Don’t use negative emotions as tools for connection.
It’s natural to want to connect with others, but we often do this unconsciously by matching emotions. In other words, if your friend is sad, you become sad in order to connect with her. Or, if your partner is annoyed at something, you mirror that annoyance in order to get on the same wavelength resulting in energy infiltration.
The thing is, every time we use negative emotions as tools for connection, we compromise our own energy, and even if we want to help our friend, spouse, child, or co-worker, we cannot offer effective support or guidance at the low emotional level of the problem.
How can you help anyone if you are suffering with them?
If your friend is depressed, you don’t need to become depressed in order to connect with him. It is possible to offer compassion and understanding without compromising your energy. If you can maintain a higher level of emotional vibration, you can be of greater service, simply by creating a safe space for your friend to express his feelings without bringing you down.
The quickest way to be affected by another’s negative energy is to feel responsible for them or their experience. Every time you feel responsible for another, you take on the responsibility as if it belongs to you, and your body, mind, and spirit respond as if you really are responsible and you must fix the problem. In other words, you take on worry, stress, and pressure that belongs to someone else, which causes energy infiltration.
Feeling responsible for another is like accepting their baggage as your own; hence, walking around with their weight on your shoulders. How many people can you do this for without getting overwhelmed or even sick? Sometimes our illnesses are the result of carrying problems that aren’t even ours. How much of what you carry doesn’t even belong to you? Really think about this.
No matter how much you care about someone, you are not responsible for them or their issues. You are responsible for you and your experience of them, but not for them.
Don’t think that you can help someone by taking on their stuff as your own. The best help you can ever provide is by keeping your vibe high and inviting others up to meet you. They may or may not come up, but that is also not your responsibility.
Once you release responsibility, you can actually show up in a more responsive way and possibly be of service, instead of part of the problem.
3. Stop playing judge.
The act of judging immediately connects us to the source of our judgment. This means that if the other person’s emotional vibe is low, your vibe will quickly match. Thereby compromising your energy in exchange for judgment.
As soon as you judge someone’s experience, even if it is silently to yourself, you invite the energy of their experience into your own energy field. Because the mind does not know the difference between real and imagined, judging something about another opens you up to taking on the energy of whatever you are judging as if it is happening to you. This includes gossip.
When we allow everyone their own experiences, we don’t take on their energy or the energy of their issues. If it is not about you, keep out. Your mental interference in someone else’s life is not worth the risk to your energy.
4. Drop the sympathy.
The moment you sympathize with someone, you energetically take on the symptoms of the person you are feeling sorry for. Yes, sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone. This means that you can catch a cold over the phone or feel pain in your body when you experience sympathy for another.
Feeling sorry for someone is actually judging their experience – so when you feel sorry for someone, you lower your vibe to match theirs – taking on all that negative energy.
When you feel sorry for another, you are actually imagining that they are stuck in their predicament and they are powerless to heal, change or consciously create a new reality. How does it help anyone when you are imagining the worst?
You cannot feel sorry for someone and imagine them empowered at the same time. When you imagine others empowered, you also empower yourself and raise your own vibration.
The evolution of sympathy is compassion. Compassion allows you to maintain a space of love and understanding for others without compromising your energy in any way. Can you love someone and allow their experience without feeling sorry for them? Can you trust that their experience is somehow perfect for growth, evolution, and awakening?
We tend to allow our energy to be influenced by those who appear to have power over us: parents, teachers, bosses, authority figures, etcetera. If someone in authority is having a bad day and spews it on us, we don’t hesitate to accept it, or maybe we even allow these people to dictate how we feel about ourselves.
When you remember that everyone is a reflection of your own consciousness, it is easy to see that no one ever has power over you. They only have the power that you give to them through your thoughts beliefs and actions.
The more you own your power, the more control you will have over your vibration – and not take on energy that does not belong to you.
6. Let go of thinking that you know better.
When we think that we know better and we try to change others, we instantly allow their energy to infiltrate ours. If you don’t want anyone to affect your energy, then it is important to allow everyone their own experiences and their own choices. Don’t even have opinions about their opinions.
In trying to convince someone of your “know-how,” you are likely to compromise your own energy and boost energy infiltration. Remember how you feel is your most important asset – sacrifice it for nothing and no one if you want to prevent energy infiltration.
7. Stop reacting to others.
Are there people in your life who attempt to get their energy through drama? In other words, they try to invoke negative emotional responses from you, in order to “get energy.” Maybe you are even doing this unconsciously to others?
The moment you react, you give your power away and you also accept the negative energy of the person causing you to react.
In order to be angry, resentful, jealous, etcetera, you must lower your vibration, and as soon as you are an emotional match to the other person, their energy infiltrates yours.
If you want to own your energy and stay positive, it is just not worth reacting. The cost is too great. This doesn’t mean that you cannot speak your truth and set boundaries in a way that supports you and the relationship. This can be done from a space of clarity and compassion.
Others may want to use your energy to support their cause, but if it is not about you, don’t make it about you. Allowing yourself to get in the middle of another’s squabble or cause, when you know it doesn’t concern you, is basically a waste of your valuable energy.
You can support others without getting in the middle, and without allowing your energy to be poisoned by another’s issues.
9. Do not accept blame.
Even if someone blames you or is angry at you, you don’t need to take on their energy. My five-year-old grandson spilled his ice cream in the car and blamed me because I hit a bump in the road. We talked about him blaming me so that he could feel better about the loss of the ice cream, but he really felt worse.
People blame us all the time for things that are out of our control. Just because someone blames you, doesn’t mean you have to take it on. If you are responsible, be responsible and rectify the situation, but don’t allow yourself to be someone else’s scapegoat. You do not even need to react to the blame – just let it pass.
10. Say “No” to people pleasing.
If you are a people pleaser, you are likely very good at giving your energy away and therefore being affected by other’s energy. Because people pleasers put others before themselves, they are not responsible for their energy and therefore they become energy sponges for everyone whom they are trying to please.
It is not your job to please the world. In fact, you would do much better at pleasing others if you first pleased yourself, putting your own needs and wants in the first place. It is okay to say, “No” and set boundaries that create a safe haven for you to be responsible for your own energy and prevent energy infiltration.
11. Stop believing others beliefs.
When two people meet, the one with the stronger beliefs about life often dominates the energetic dance, but only if you are not grounded in your own beliefs. You may consider various beliefs presented by others, but don’t be bullied by someone who thinks that they know best.
Sometimes others will even think that they know what is best for us and they try to infringe their beliefs upon us in the name of caring, but only you know what is best for you. Follow your own inner guidance and you can prevent energy infiltration.
12. Mind your own business.
This might be a hard one, but it is none of your business what other people think about you. You cannot please all the people all the time, but it is also not your job to please anyone. It only matters what you think, and feel, about yourself. As long as you try to control other people’s thoughts and feelings about you, you subject yourself to their energy and accelerate the energy infiltration process. It’s like you are telepathically saying, “Please tell me how I should feel about myself today.”
When you no longer have an interest in what the world thinks about you, something truly amazing happens. Your confidence soars and you become super attractive – energetically and even physically. As a result, others will actually think more highly of you, but you won’t care, and that is the point!
Most people are not responsible for their energy, but this doesn’t give you permission to be irresponsible with yours. This means being consciously responsible for the energy that you receive and the energy that you project. Once you are completely responsible with your own energy, it doesn’t matter if someone is regurgitating their energy onto you – you won’t take it. Ironically, it will also happen a great deal less.
If you do take on another’s energy, it is important to remember that once you take it on, it becomes your energy – not theirs. If this is the case, notice in what of the 12 ways above you have allowed your energy to be infiltrated. Take responsibility for it. No one can force you to take their energy. As long as you blame another, you have no power to release it – thereby giving even more of your energy away.
Over time, you can train your energy upward to a threshold where others cannot bring you down. It might take some conscious effort to get there but once you do, life flows with ease and grace and you become a beacon of love and light for others.
Here’s How You Can Be Even More Responsible With Your Energy:
1. Own your energy.
It is important to know how you feel prior to all interactions, so if there is any change in how you are feeling, you can identify it, and quickly release it by saying, “This is not mine – I release it.” That’s how you can preserve your energy prevent energy infiltration!
2. See the innocence in everyone.
When you look deep, we are all really innocent. Seeing everyone as innocent and doing the best they can will allow you to stay positive, and not take on the negative energies of others.
3. Get the happy-people high.
When you do come in contact with happy or high-energy people, join the party. Accept the gift of positive energy – just be careful not to depend on others to feel good.
4. Practice letting go.
Living in a state of letting go allows you to keep your energy clean and clear. When you let go, negative energy cannot stick to you.
5. Don’t play catch.
Just because someone throws you a dirty rag, doesn’t mean you have to catch it – let it go, and it cannot affect you.
6. Look for the beauty.
We tend to look for what is wrong in others – but, instead, look for the beauty, and you will align with higher and higher aspects of others. People will feel your love and respond in turn, raising your vibration and theirs.
7. Be kind to yourself.
The world is always reflecting the feelings and beliefs that we have towards ourselves. If you want others to address you more positively, you must also commit to doing this for yourself.
It is okay to let people know how to treat you and even how to speak with you. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, such as no gossiping, no judgment, no complaining. You might say something like, “You probably didn’t know this, but I am making how I feel the most important part of every day, so I am no longer taking part in gossip or anything that feels judgmental toward me or anyone else.” You might add, “Would you like to join me?”
9. Share positive energy.
If you are feeling good, show it. Smile, be generous and give compliments. Live out loud. Remember, the stronger vibration dominates all personal encounters. When you out-warded share positive energy, you won’t be affected by lower vibes and those around you will actually begin to feel better. This is how you make a difference every day!
10. Project energy.
Instead of surrounding yourself with a protective energy shield, imagine Divine Energy flowing into you and overflowing from you – creating an aura of light and love all around you. Allow this powerful energy to resonate with you and affect everyone you meet.
11. Trust your intuition.
Your intuition is a superior inner guidance system and will always show you the way. When you don’t listen to yourself and you put the desires of others first, you compromise your energy and you allow the energy of others to affect you. Every time you trust your inner guidance and take action accordingly, you strengthen your ability to protect your personal energy, and therefore you naturally keep out negative energy.
Final Thoughts
When you ultimately reach a point where you don’t take on the energy of others, you are able to connect and respond from a higher level, where it is possible to feel what someone is feeling without acquiring their pains and woes.
This is the Divine Experience of Compassion. From this pristine space, you can give love without compromising or sacrificing yourself in any way. Instead of feeling drained, you feel powerfully energized and have an abundance of positive and powerful energy to offer and share.
It is through this state of Higher Love, that you are true of service to the world.
When it comes to interacting and connecting with others, there are 8 levels of disclosure that you should know about. Once you do, you will be able to converse smoothly with anyone and everyone you come across.
We can take it a step further by offering hooks–revealing a bit of what we think, do, feel, and remember in order to give our conversation partner something to work with.
This can be counterintuitive. Those of us who are introverted, shy, or familiar with social anxiety often keep our lives close to the vest. We don’t talk much about ourselves. It feels like we’re taking up too much room, being annoying, or revealing too much. But then? It’s hard for others to get to know us, and we can end up feeling like a stranger in a strange land, relating a little too close to that song from Dear Evan Hansen.
By contrast, offering bits about your life does more than just extend conversation while waiting for your lasagna to finish its pass through the office microwave. Disclosing what you think, do, feel, and remember magically transforms your life from black and white to Technicolor for the people around you. You become more familiar, relatable, and, of course, likable.
As a bonus, when you tell someone about your life, they’ll usually tell you about theirs, which is the very foundation of friendship–a sharing of lives.
Now, there are different levels of sharing about your life. What you share with your boss will naturally differ from what you share with a friend you’ve known for twenty years, your partner, your Lyft driver, your tennis buddy, or Angela from accounting. I’ve outlined my take on what I call the Eight Levels of Disclosure below.
Here’s a challenge for you: experiment with pushing one level deeper. Pick one, two, or a handful of people in your life and see how it goes. For example, if you usually stay on Level 2 with the office receptionist, try out Level 3. Or if you usually stick to Level 4 when you’re chatting with folks after your line-dancing group, test out Level 5 or even 6.
Level 8 is reserved for your nearest and dearests, as it should be. And you can be picky about who is lucky enough to get a Level 7 from you.
But how deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level.
Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return.
The Eight Levels of Disclosure
Level 1: Greetings:
“Hi, how are you, fine.” “TGIF!” Everyone keeps walking.
“Jimmy Fallon was hilarious last night–did you see the bit with Reese Witherspoon?”
“That new taqueria around the corner is amazing–you have to try the carnitas. Except the guacamole is weird–I think they put yogurt in it.”
“I saw my ophthalmologist for an appointment this morning and she said she just bought a self-driving car–I didn’t realize those were even on the market yet.”
Level 5: Universally Acceptable Personal Disclosures:
“I was in a costume store the other day and I had no idea what half the kids’ costumes were. The guy who worked there told me they were Fortnite characters. I feel so old.”
“I took my niece to the aquarium on Saturday and was mesmerized by the penguins. I could have stared at them for an hour.”
“I went to Costco on Sunday afternoon and it was so crazy that when I got home, I had to lie down.”
Level 6: Private Personal Disclosures:
“I’m having trouble with my 8-year old talking back–I’ve tried everything and I’m not sure what to do next.”
“I have to give a presentation in twenty minutes and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m gonna go lock myself in a bathroom stall and breathe for a few minutes.”
“Argh, I’m so mad at our boss–listen to what she said to me!”
“I thought losing 50 pounds last year would magically solve all my problems, but I still feel lousy.”
“I really like you.”
Level 8: Deepest Disclosures
“I’ve never said this to anyone before, but…”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
How deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level. Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return.
Introverts are often more comfortable in the company of an animal than with another human. Introverts and pets share a deep connection with each other, whether they are a dog lover or a cat lover.
But what is it that makes introverts and their pets so perfect for each other? It is because animals don’t judge us? They don’t make small talk? They are never fake with us? Or is there a deeper, more emotional reason for this?
The human-animal bond
Humans and animals have a profound emotional and spiritual connection that cannot be explained. Introverts and pets share, perhaps, the most sincere and honest relationship a human being can ever experience in their life. Spiritual teacher and best-selling author Eckhart Tolle believes dogs are “the Guardians of Being” and they give us the opportunity to connect with another being without any judgement and with an open heart.
Tolle himself shares a special bond with his Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Maya. In an interview with Modern Dog Magazine, Tolle explains “To simply watch a dog without any kind of mental commentary, just tune in…there’s a link. Something else that’s very important for many people is they realize, consciously or unconsciously, that their dog is not judging them. For some people, it’s the only relationship that they have where there’s no fear and where they realize they are being accepted and not judged.”
He adds “I believe that dogs are keeping millions of people sane who would otherwise become deeply neurotic in our alienated world.” This is especially true for introverts. And it’s not just about dogs. Around one-third of cat owners tend to live alone according to a study. It was found that mostly single and unmarried women owned only cats. Perhaps this is why most people believe that introverts tend to be cat lovers. Although that may be true, the connection between an introvert and animals is not limited to dogs or cats.
A divine connection
Eckhart Tolle says “There are teachings that say every being is a spark of the divine of God. You can see it sometimes more clearly [in dogs] than in a human being because the human being has the veil of mind, negative emotions, and ego, and plays a role. I believe that dogs fill a vital function in the collective consciousness of humanity. I would call them “the Guardians of Being.”
Being an introvert myself and both a dog person and a cat person, I feel emotionally drawn to every animal I see or meet. I feel like there’s an instant connection and that we’ve known each other for a long time. If you are an introvert, then I am pretty sure you know what I mean. Michaela Chung, author and founder of Introvert Spring explains “Animals offer a kind of companionship that feeds an introvert’s gentle soul like nothing else. While people drain our energy by expecting constant conversation, animals replenish us by offering comfort beyond words.”
Introverts and pets are a perfect fit because animals instinctively know how to care and show affection to an introvert in the most genuine way. When an introvert gets exhausted after dealing with people throughout the day, their pets can help them feel replenished and recharged. “Our animal friends are just what the doctor ordered,” adds Michaela.
One of the primary reasons why introverts feel so connected with pets is because they allow us to experience unconditional love. Love that is free from judgement and based on unconditional acceptance of who we are. Our pets love have zero expectations from us, they are always happy to see us (even when we avoid them at times) and they love us for who we are deep down. They give us that unconditional love we so desperately seek and which is nearly impossible to find with another human being.
Introverts and pets have that special bond. A bond that you know will never break, even when you or your pet is not here anymore. A bond that truly lasts for all eternity. Mental health writer and researcher Amy Gardner explains “Your dog or cat doesn’t care whether you’re skinny, rich, athletic, or popular. He or she just wants you: your presence, your affection, your voice, and your touch… This unconditional love is so important to us that it can change our brain chemistry.”
Had a bad day at work? Had an ugly fight with your partner? Everything went wrong in the day? Struggling with self-love? Let your beloved pet soothe your soul. Every time I felt emotionally exhausted or just had a hard long day, my Labrador Buzo (RIP brother) would start wagging his tail the moment I entered my apartment and jump up on me, looking at me with his adorable eyes. As I sat down beside him and started talking to him about my day, I felt a relief I cannot explain. He was the friend and therapist I needed on a daily basis. All my pain and exhaustion would disappear within minutes and I would feel immediately energized. That is the connection between introverts and pets.
Michaela writes “You see, animals simply don’t do small talk. Otis the dog will never ask you how your day was, or what you did on the weekend. But his eyes will light up when you walk in a room. And he will stay by your side through good times and bad. Should you ever feel like opening up, he’ll perk his ears in your direction, and listen intently without ever interrupting you.”
The same thing goes with cats. When you really talk to them, they listen. In fact, it is the same with every other animal you can have as a pet – a rabbit, a hamster, a tortoise, a parakeet or even fish. “Their expectations are blissfully low. This is such a relief in the demanding, extrovert biased world we live in,” Michaela adds.
Pet-owning introverts tend to be mentally and physically healthier than introverts who don’t have any pets. Amy Gardner writes “Spending time with a pet has been found to lower blood pressure, reduce stress hormones, and release chemicals that trigger relaxation.” According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), owning a pet can lead to a lot of health benefits. Not only do our pets increase our chances for exercising, they also help us to manage our stress and anxiety levels, depression and loneliness by offering us companionship.
“Studies have shown that the bond between people and their pets can increase fitness, lower stress, and bring happiness to their owners,” explains the CDC. Here’s how having a pet can be beneficial for an introvert, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
Increased opportunities for outdoor activities/exercise
Increased opportunities for socialization
Decreased blood pressure
Decreased cholesterol levels
Decreased triglyceride levels
Decreased stress and anxiety
Decreased feelings of loneliness
“Many research studies show that animals really do help reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression in humans,” adds Michaela. In fact, research shows that animal interactions can help to reduce levels of the stress-related hormone cortisol. It has also been observed that pets can also “increase feelings of social support and boost your mood.”
A 2018 study has revealed that “exposure to pet therapy (PT) can reduce physiological and subjective stress and anxiety levels.” Another 2018 study by Helen Louise Brooks and colleagues found that “pets provide benefits to those with mental health conditions.” In fact, one 2019 study showed that interacting with a dog can significantly reduce anxiety and improve mood over time. The researcher concluded “the results of this study indicate that interacting with a pet dog considerably reduces anxiety and feelings of sadness and improves happiness scores.”
Now you already know that there are plenty of good reasons why introverts and pets seem to be the best of friends and companions. However, that’s not all. Here are some other simpler reasons why introverts share such an amazing connection with animals:
Pets don’t like small talk just like introverts. Unlike most people, your furry friend will sit with you in silence without making it feel awkward for even one second. There is never any pressure to talk or fill the silence.
Introverts and pets are great together because animals allow us to be who we are. They have no expectations from us and only want us to love them, give them lots of food and take them out for a walk.
Your pet will never judge or criticize you. They will never tell you how you screwed up a certain thing or make you feel bad for being yourself. Even when you are at your worst, they will still love you.
A pet is a great source for companionship and emotional comfort for an introvert. They don’t force us to go out and socialize nor do they surprise us with sudden gatherings. In fact, they offer us comfort and companionship when we are lonely, when we need it the most.
Our pets are the best reason for us to go home. What more can you want other than knowing that your best friend is waiting for you to get back home and welcome you with all the love you deserve?
What pet should you get?
Introverts and pets are a great match. But not all introverts want a dog or a cat. If you are an introvert and want to bring home an animal friend to make your life more satisfying and fulfilling, then here are a few options that you can consider:
1. Dogs
Yes, a dog is a man’s best friend. However, there are many breeds of dogs that an introvert can choose from. As an introvert, you want to pick a dog that is calm, cute, wants to play and will love you a lot. Here are a few suggestions for the best dogs for introverts from Elite Daily:
Introverts and cats are a bit of a cliché but that’s for good reason. Cats are independent, affectionate and loyal, just like introverts. However, they can also be mean and moody. “As there are so many cat breeds in existence, it’s tough to recommend anyone breed over the other. Plus, if you’re going to a shelter, chances are that the right cat will choose you – not the other way around,” explains an article in The Things.
3. Turtles
Although they are not the most exciting pets to have around the house, they are rather laid-back and seek minimal attention. Turtles are great fun to watch and easy to have in the house. However, you do need to give special attention to their environment, especially when water is required.
4. Fish
Having an aquarium can be one of the most soothing experiences for an introvert. Although you can’t cuddle or play with your fish, they can be great fun to watch. All you need to do is feed them and keep the tank clean.
5. Birds
When it comes to introverts and pets, no list can be complete without birds. Birds can be excellent animal companions and are perhaps the only animals who can have an actual conversation with you. Senegal parrots can vocalize and speak like humans. They are also very friendly and form strong attachments with their humans. You can also opt for parakeets, finches, lovebirds, cockatiel, and canaries.
Apart from these, there are some other animals which an introvert can choose as their furry companions:
Our unconditional love for animals is exactly what makes us more human. Introverts and pets are a match made by the Universe. “Animals touch the most intimate parts of our hearts: our need to nurture and protect, our need for companionship and love,” writes Amy Gardner. They inspire us to be better human beings and encourage us to reach deep within our hearts and souls.
However, Michaela suggests that “While our animal friends are essential, human connection is just as important for introverts.”
