We see what we expect to see.
Hiding behind what we think others want us to be prevents healing. It continues this script saying x y and z about me is bad, should be hidden, is unforgivable.
No one is ever fully ready. Doing the things that matter usually requires just doing them… by realizing we are ready enough.
When we see potential mates as opponents, targets and obstacles instead of beautiful people worthy of our love and trust, everyone loses.