The air permeated a sense of calmness and stillness as I entered the coffee shop ten minutes late, I saw my younger self sitting there reading a book as she was sipping on her favourite caramel ice cream latte. Engrossed in her tale, she scrunched her nose as she did not like a particular stance of the story, I smiled with a serenity-filled eye as I saw the beauty of innocence brimming in her eyes. Hurrying across the table I told her sorry I was late and she said it was no problem. She asked me what I would like to have and I ordered an iced mocha frappuccino as she made room for me to sit alongside her on the table.
She was reading Heidi, her favourite tale, as she immersed herself in the journey of the narrative. I recollected how much I loved that book, the naivety it holds and the beauty of ingenuity that shined through its rawness and vulnerability. As the coffee order arrived, I grabbed our coffee and walked towards our table. She excitedly grabbed her coffee as she thanked me for bringing it. With our hands full of the relishing beverage, she looked at me exasperatedly.
I wonder what was going across her mind. She asked me,” Are you happy with where you are in your existential stride? Is there a sense of peace and calm within you inside? I tightened the hold around my glass even sturdily as the memories of toil and suffering that she had to go through flashed across my eyes, with a heavy heart I gave her a half-hearted smile. I told her not to worry as we finally found the strength to fight for our rights and what we believe in, yet a part of me still lies tired within. She looked concerned as I continued When you were in school and your bullies belittled you, bringing out your insecurities and flaws, which made you hate the way you looked.
Today as I look at myself in the mirror, there is nothing but love and awe for how gorgeously god crafted every nook. Do you remember all the times when you felt unseen and unheard for your gifts, today I shine as a writer and a poet who inspires people across the world to embrace their grit. All the times when you prayed for true friends and cried yourself to sleep, as time tiptoed, I have loved and lost only to find the ones who kept their promises and loved my soul deeply. Remember the times when life looked light, it was all darkness with no hope left to begin, I found the light that radiated in me within.
She smiled and said so do we finally find peace? In denial, I shook my head that there was pain remaining to be unleashed. Looking confounded in conundrums she looked at me, as I continued, I am still struggling to find the depths of peace and self-validation in myself. There are days when I find it hard to maintain a strong sense of self and have unwavering confidence in myself. As she was intently listening she told me, I am so proud of you!
Because the life that you live in is the one I prayed for. I know there are still
things to achieve, patterns to unlearn, and scars that need to be healed. But look at
you, look at how far you have come, you have faced your scars and you came out
on the other side. You are facing your battles, moving forward with learning
something new each day, challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone,
embracing the unknown and fearlessly going after your dreams. I am so proud to
be an essence of your quest and you should hold pride in yourself too.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I heard her saying those words. I realised that sometimes when you are feeling low and don’t hold faith in how far you can go, it is important to take a step back and realise how far you have already come. I became an adult who would have protected me as a child and I basked in that glory as I saw my younger self today. Maybe I am not where I want to be, but I am also not where I used to be.
As I left the cafe, I embosomed myself as I am and affirmed the notion of loving myself in every aspect of who I was- the beauty and the brawn, the light and the darkness, the glory and the gory, the parts of me that are loved and appreciated and also the shadow of my being that I wish to hide. The truth is we all are worthy of love, validation, support and holding ourselves in high regard irrespective of where we stand in our lives. In the end, life is not about having extraordinary abilities to turn around the ordinary, rather it is having the ability to find the extraordinary beauty in the ordinary and mundanity of life. So I hope as you read this, you realise that you are beautiful, strong, amazing and loved just the way you are.
And when good things find you, I hope you let their radiance shed,
To shine on the beauty of the quest that you so benevolently led.
I hope you feel pride in how far you have come in this stride,
Letting yourself embrace this beautiful gift called life.
-Hridya Sharma
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