The ones who are the black sheep of the family know it within the deepest crevices of their soul. Adorning it like a jewel of prosperity, many carry it with exaltation. But that pride is frequently worn to conceal years of low self-esteem and a lack of acceptance of who we are, which takes years to fully embrace. Maybe there has always been a sense of having been somewhat abandoned. Or being the scapegoat. Maybe because you perceived, understood, and responded to situations differently from other individuals in your family, peer group, or community. It may be because you sounded or looked different. Perhaps you made decisions in life that deviated from what was considered “normal” in your community, such as speaking up when others did not, leaving your hometown, or choosing to love and work differently.
To its deepest trench of truth, being the black sheep of the family is being void of acceptance, validation and belongingness from your clan. This is because the first people they turn to for unwavering love and empathy frequently reject, condemn, or even shun them. We have developed sympathy and empathy for other outcasts due to our constant rejection.ย Some of us may identify with this archetype, no matter the type of circumstances it may have shown up for you. Claiming the power of that archetype is the primary intent of this work, which explores extensively what it might be to be the so-called “black sheep” from a cultural and psychological standpoint. This piece examines the chances, gifts, and power that come with being the “black sheep,” as well as the sorrow that comes with it.
Not a Place That Feels Like Home?
In accordance with the Family Systems Theory, introduced in the mid-20th century, the family is an emotional unit and a system, and the identified parent is like the hypothetical black sheep. The patient is a part of a family’s collective unconscious psychological projection process, wherein they essentially outsource and defer the pain, tension, and anxiety experienced within their dysfunctional system onto one person who then psychologically and occasionally physically “holds” the family’s emotional energy, manifesting it in behaviors and symptoms that the other group members can point to and say, “There’s the problem! It’s her, not us!
From the standpoint of archetypal psychology, “the black sheep” might most closely mirror the archetypes of “the orphan” or “the abandoned child.” These archetypes are repeating symbols or motifs that explain an individual or a characteristic of an individual who does not feel that they belong to their family or community of origin, either physically or spiritually. Maybe as a consequence of this, the group’s “shadow” is cast upon them. The archetypes of “the orphan” and “the abandoned child,” which have appeared in myths, stories, and fairy tales for ages, are so common that I think we are all related to them.
These children’s mothers and their problems were never resolved because they came from a chaotic and impoverished home where discussing emotions and mental health wasn’t given much importance. Because these women cannot process emotions intelligently as adults, they often project their negative feelings onto their family. Despite being the primary breadwinners, parents might suddenly change from being affectionate to being angry, which creates a tense atmosphere in the home. They would slam doors and cupboards, stomp around, and curse loudly to themselves. It is distressing and perplexing in the moment, but in retrospect, the daughters may have a tremendous deal of sympathy for their parents.
Being the Odd Daughter
Although they don’t have the means to say it, the black sheep know their dysfunctional family life early on. They often became defiant and rebellious, acting out or speaking back defiantly to their parents, which is not okay. They are also always conscious that something is missing in their family life emotionally. They always have the feeling that they are different from the rest of the people in the house. These daughters are the smartest members of their family, and their parents are not sure what to do about a child who questions their authority. They simply know how they think their daughter should be. And so, using a hand which was sometimes far too heavy, they tried to make her amend to their rules. These daughters certainly did possess a dark aspect and were far more able to cope with their anger and mourning than their mother was.
They started drinking and smoking, fought big time, became as independent as possible, and ran away as fast and as far as they could. Not being able to get genuine love from people closest to you is something tough to get beyond, as you know. They have been living relationships from a co-dependent basis for years, never thinking anyone else should or would ever truly love them, and never loving themselves.
The Greatest Prize
Nonetheless, looking back, they recognise that their position of being the black sheep was also a great cosmic boon. Since it has shaped them into who they are now. If they were not the chosen ones, they wouldn’t have been strong and self-sufficient enough to navigate the world on their own, discover a group of devoted friends, and find their own chosen family.
I therefore want to convey this message to all of the world’s black sheep: Even though your journey wasn’t always the simplest, know that you are loved, appreciated, and seen. Know that you will be more powerful than you ever could have dreamed when you finally discover the love and validation you were desperately seeking in your early years- it was always within you.
-Hridya Sharma
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