For the longest time, I have been missing from the digital footprint of my creative nurture, and I might ponder why that was. I have been satisfying my wanderlust of learning new things, meeting new people, seeing new places and adhering to strict schedules. If you ask me how my life has been and how I am feeling, I would pretty much zone out and tune into a land of unicorns where all of us sing the serenity song:) To be honest with my truth, I am feeling the most contradictory spectrum of emotions I have ever felt, it is like bathing in the sun and basking in the somberness of the moonlight adorning the sky, it is like dancing in the rain and also shedding my skin with the autumn, it is crying tears of joy and laughing through the forgery of being okay. It is tracing the ends of eternity through the shreds of the baneful today. Smiling through the pain is often our coping mechanism, which our hearts use as a shield to not let people in. Is the world a beautiful place? I wonder and ponder deeply on this question, do we live a performative musical of impressing and seeking validation from other people as we go on and live throughout the stellar of our day? What is true freedom? Is it the independence of being yourself, or is it just money, status, power and the autonomy to hold ourselves accustomed to society’s ideas of benchmarked success?
In these past few days, I have been through a lot, I have seen the highest of highs and lowest of lows, I have smiled with rainbows in my gleaming eyes, and I have cried tears of desolation and sadness. I have rendered the version of me that I once thought I was and have stepped into the contrasting realities of life, where I metamorphose into a newer version of me every day.
Oh, to be in the abyss of the plastered vision of truth, one ought to see, To stand at the crossroads of pragmatism, with the questioning haunting our minds, In the light of our schema, to be or not to be!
In the nights, I have ended my life only to wake up tomorrow with a cup of coffee and the sight of the pouring rain, finding myself reckoning the true meaning of my existential being, of looking at the world through not what I want it to be and only what it is- messy, chaotic, stoic, real, pragmatic, competitive, moral and immoral and deeply patriarchal. The testimony of strength in this world is believed to be in the fact that we are surviving, how we choose to live, whether in a lion’s or a sheep’s clothing, belies to be in the hands of only us. And for the world we live in, it will tell you there is darkness, there is animosity and disillusionment, and there is no hope for you to reach your goal because the goals are too good to be true. While I hear all this, I smile. I smile knowing my truth, I smile knowing my journey, I smile knowing my timeline, I smile
knowing my worth, and I smile in the truest sense of self in the direction I am headed. Because all the outside world’s syllables are just the noises of a chorus that are sung in the music that I sing in the most radiant cacophonies, the light I hold.
Does that mean I stay silent when I hear something that outrages my soul- not. But I now have learnt that every battle is not meant to be fought, I am not here to perform to the expectations of the outside world, I am here to live my truth, I am not here to please anyone else or be in competition with anyone else. This is my story, and I choose to write it the way my heart deems true. So to the ones who feel like they are behind and are not able to find their truth, here are a few reminders that kept me going
1) You are not behind, you are not ahead, you are exactly where you need to be, which is here.
2) I know you are not where you want to be, but you are also not where you used to be, and I think that is so beautiful.
3) Take as much time as you need, take as long as you need to reach the goals that you have in mind, but please don’t end your life because you think you are unworthy.
4) There is light, there is goodness, there is hope, and there is beauty. How do I know this exists? Because it exists within me.
5) The good energy and good deeds you pour into the world come back to you tenfold/
6) There is so much of life still waiting for you- you never know how one moment can change your entire life, you just have to keep going.
7) The way you choose to survive, as long as it is not hurting you or anyone else, is not something to be ashamed of; be proud of how you chose to go on when everything else was trying to bleed you dry.
8) I promise you everything you want is already on its way to you, it is just taking you a little longer because you are not manipulating, scheming or hurting people.
9) The only person’s advice you need on whether you are doing good in life or what decision you need to take is you, listen to your gut and no one else.
10) Forgive yourself for trusting the wrong ones, for not being able to say the thing you wanted to, for tolerating things you should not have. You are human too.
11) Fly solo if you have, but never be with the ones who make you dim your light to fit their world.
12) You are beautiful and worthy of love just as the way you are; you do not need to become a certain version to be competent in all that.
13) You matter and you will find whatever it is that you are looking for.
Read More: How Smiling Can Help You Live A Healthier And Happier Life
To the lapsing tide of the ebb and flow of strife,
I hope you choose to embark on a journey that makes you feel alive. In the beauty of who you are, may your light shine bright,
May you win all the battles that in the silence of your tears, you valiantly fight
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