My Empathy Felt Like A Curse – Until I Chose Myself

I haven’t really known what “easy” feels like.
Most of the people I’ve loved, and most of the situations I’ve been in — have always been complicated.
Friendships, relationships — all of them felt like a maze, and I kept walking in circles trying to understand them, fix them, stay in them.

I know I made mistakes.
I was immature, scared, maybe even naive sometimes.
But even in the worst moments, when people treated me badly —
I could still see their pain.

I could see why they were acting the way they were.
Their silence, their anger, their distance…
It didn’t feel like cruelty.
It felt like their own buried trauma was speaking.
I could sense it: their loneliness, their childhood wounds, their unresolved chaos.

It felt like a curse — this empathy.
Because no matter how someone treated me,
my heart would whisper,
“They didn’t mean to hurt you. They are hurting too.”

And while I was trying to understand everyone else,
I kept losing sight of myself.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped.
I began turning my gaze inward.
I asked myself:
What about your pain, Mantasha? What about your story? Who will care for you if you keep dissolving into others?

I realised — not everyone thinks or feels as deeply as I do.
And maybe… that’s not a flaw.
Maybe, that’s a gift.

Now I’m learning to protect that gift.

I still see people’s pain, but I don’t carry it all anymore.
I still want to help, but not at the cost of forgetting myself.
Because I am my responsibility.
And if I don’t care for me, who else truly will?

I want to share this journey — not because I’ve figured it all out,
but because I’ve seen a new way of looking at life.
A softer way.
A deeper one.

And maybe… in my story, someone else might find the peace they’ve been searching for too.

Warm regards,
Mantasha