Life In Its Brevity Often Feels Burdensome

Feels Burdensome

Life in its brevity often feels burdensome, yearning for us to be free of all the turbulence that stirs up its breaths in our hearts. How beautiful would life be if we let go of pain, anger, sadness, grim! I wish we had built-in programming that would delete all the moments and experiences that stirred catastrophic fires and raged war and kindled and whooshed the fire within us simultaneously! Human minds behold the capability of inventiveness, of loving, of living and yet with so much to be blissful about, we are inherent in our ounces to be boggled about negativity, to be enveloped in the traumatic flashes of our photographic memory. I know it is vital to be grateful for the goodness of life, the light that exists in our strides, the privilege and the beauties that we possess, the existence that we lead is a dream for many, that all consorts to be the gospel truth and cannot be denied. But at the end of every second we spend in this mortal realm, in the most painstaking way I would shout in gallant echoes of the rooftop, it is okay to not be okay!

It is important to be grateful and optimistic about the future and the things that have gone right, but it is humane to cry about things that hurt us, it is a sign of survival if there are things that make us angry. We live in a society that focuses solely on the grandiose gestures of exalted milestones, career successes, promotions, and societal milestones and normalizes the need to be full of glee and charm all the time. Don’t get me wrong, it is a moment of pride that people achieve their greatest milestones. I have felt immense pride in my sense of accomplishment, but the truth is that is not my absolute reality. I am not the most successful, the most alluring or the most charming person you will meet.

I have flaws and imperfections, I falter and I make a lot of mistakes, I have my set of bad days and I feel sadness and joy to its core and have faced a lot of darkness which has taught me the vitality of light and hope. It is so necessary to know that sadness and anger are not inhumane experiences, it is what denote that you have the prowess to feel every emotion, so are failure and dejection, just because you have had a bad day or bad month or are going to a phase where life feels heavy, please know that this is your first experience as a human being and it is okay to err, to gravely be mistaken, to say the wrong thing or to be embarrassed, you will be hurt by people and you will hurt people, this is the bitter truth. But with all those experiences, you will learn how to handle yourself with grace, how to be accountable for your actions when you are in the wrong, how to be compassionate with yourself and how to deal with circumstances with newfound wisdom and a greater sense of self.

In no way do I propagate the idea of normalising treating people poorly or hurting people because of your mental health or being hurt. I believe in shedding light on the fact that we all falter as humans, as existential entities walking on their quests for the first time, but then working on ourselves to realise where we are wrong and how we can improve. Perfectionism and idealism of being put together and having it all so glorified and uncomplaining is the root of the misery, I wish we could lean more into the notion of imperfect, messy lives, of not having perfect skin or the best career trajectory or the best apartment or family. How more loving and accepting the world would be! I know that it is a utopian concept that I am writing about in the presence of this article, but the least I can do is be honest about my truth.

Let me be honest about how my 2024 went, here is a wind down( a more honest and less glorified take)

1) I was lost in the first half of the year and could not clear my entrance exam, which led me to fall into an emotional trance, experiencing my first academic failure, and having no idea what to do with my life. Tbh- I still don’t. With dejection, anger and anguish, I dived straight into escapism through work and freelance gigs, but my health had other plans. My health started to decline, so had to take a few months off and focus on myself.

2) During the time that I took off, I won national and international level competitions, explored consulting and worked on interesting projects with renowned magazines. Researching and working on different topics, while interacting with my editors and spending more time reflecting on my work, helped me gain a sense of perspective and confidence in my abilities.

3) With the grit to work, I applied to many job applications and faced a lot of rejections,
sometimes even making it to the final round, only for it to not work out in the end. After facing so many rejections, I sat down and evaluated my current stance. During my introspection, I understood the gaps in my approach and decided to take a break from applications for a while.

4) During June, I was working as a writer and social media manager for various organizations and decided to venture into a new project, as a market researcher and also start preparing for my masters. So the entire second half of the year went into working as a market researcher, writer, social media manager and studying for my master’s.

5) I also got the opportunity to serve as a branding and marketing mentor for a renowned university, this gave me an immense sense of pride. But as things kept on progressing, I lost my sense of direction due to ill health once again. There was a sense of darkness looming in the months of October, which led to slowing down and taking things one at a time.

6) The last two months of 2024 have had their wins and lows, their ups and their slows, I have laughed, cried, danced and felt pride through it all. Because even through my highs, my wins, my achievements and my darkest moments, I was me and that is enough. Did I falter? Absolutely yes, Did I feel remorse and sadness- Yes, Did I feel self-doubt- One hundred per cent, but all of this made me realise the beauty of life and the prowess of hope.

The might of hope that transcends waves and runs them through the sands of time,
To make everything fall into place, to forge the beauty of hay when the sun shines.

As this year ends and 2025 begins, I would not say a new year, a new year me, rather I hope you embrace every scar, every wound, every bleeding morsel of pain, sadness and anger and transform it into peonies of compassion, kindness, love and light, embracing every ounce of your messiness in the chaos of the gift called life that makes you, You!

Love

Hridya

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