To Defeat Your Zodiac Sign’s Final Boss

To Defeat Your Zodiac Sign’s Final Boss

To defeat your sign’s final boss

ARIES: Eat your twin outside of the womb

TAURUS: Stay in the same place for so long that you become a statue covered
in moss and vines

GEMINI: Recite the Encyclopedia Brittanica from memory while running a marathon and juggling Rubik’s cubes

CANCER: Win the Guinness record for the World’s Most Moody Sign

LEO: Spend your entire life worrying about why the next-door neighbor isn’t nice to you

VIRGO: Do a 48-hour filibuster about how much is on your plate

LIBRA: Sacrifice everything you have and spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself

SCORPIO: $exually infiltrate and break up a famous band

SAGITTARIUS: Enter a room and somehow immediately dominate every conversation simultaneously

CAPRICORN: Make the Forbes 10 under 10

AQUARIUS: Move to LA and go blonder than anyone has ever gone before

PISCES: Develop a Snow White-esque relationship with an entire ecosystem’s worth of woodland creatures

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