Most people get married believing a myth, that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage, at start, is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage; love is in people, and people put it into marriage. There is no romance in marriage; people have to infuse it into their marriages. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
– Allan Petersen
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"Most marriage problems can be solved if husband and wife would learn to solve problems quickly, openly, respectfully, and courteously like adults and in a mature way. Avoid throwing emotional tantrums and yelling. Do not emotionalize every discussion. Learn to disagree without getting angry. Learn to disagree without being disrespectful. Learn when to stop the argument before it gets into a verbal war. Learn when to walk away or change the subject. When indisputable facts are presented learn to say, "you're right, I was wrong." Learn to argue factually allowing your spouse to express himself or herself fully without fear of judgment or reprimand. Avoid name calling or saying words that you'll regret saying. In marriage often you have to lose an
When marriage is hard. Look at yourself first. Even if the other person is 85% of the problem, you must take responsibility of your 15% before you can move toward reconciliation.
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• Trying to understand the other person's point of view.
• Validating the other person's feelings.
• Taking a break from the conversation when things start to get too heated.
• Communicating clearly what your issue is and what you need from them.
• Using "we"or "I" statements when you speak with one another.
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