I hate when people ask me if I’m ready for Christmas.
No Susan. I’m not even ready for today.
I Hate When People Ask Me if I’m Ready – Christmas Memes
No, Susan. Let me spell it out for you, piece by chaotic piece:
My tree is still in the box, hidden behind a graveyard of old gym equipment and that one broken lamp I swore I’d fix someday. If I even manage to dig it out, half the branches are probably bent beyond recognition. And let’s not talk about the ornaments, which are either shattered, tangled in some ribbon, or mysteriously sticky (thanks, kids).
Oh, the lights. The untangling process alone is a test of willpower that rivals an escape room. Last year, I swore I’d neatly wind them up, but here we are again: a spaghetti mess of wires that’s one bad move away from a house fire. And when I finally plug them in? Half are dead, and the other half are blinking like they’re signaling SOS to Santa.
My gift list? A nightmare. It’s long, poorly thought-out, and currently stored in the Notes app on my phone—half of which I’ve accidentally deleted while panic-Googling “gifts under $20 that look expensive.” And let’s not even talk about shipping deadlines. If Amazon doesn’t pull a Christmas miracle, someone’s getting a “thoughtful” e-gift card sent at 11:59 PM on Christmas Eve.
And the wrapping paper? You mean the sad remnants of last year’s bargain bin sale that are somehow both crinkled and ripped? Add to that the fact I’ve already lost my scissors and three rolls of tape, and we’re looking at some Pinterest-level failures. Spoiler alert: most of my gifts are going into dollar store gift bags.
And then there’s the baking. Oh, the baking. Every year I tell myself I’m going to channel Martha Stewart, and every year I end up with burnt cookies, sticky counters, and a fire alarm that just wants attention. Pinterest lies, Susan. Lies.
While some people are out ice skating, caroling, or staging Instagram-worthy holiday photoshoots, I’m just trying to keep my head above water. My idea of Christmas fun is not crying when I realize I forgot to buy batteries for the kids’ toys again. And don’t get me started on the stress of matching Christmas pajamas for the family photo. (Spoiler: they’re all sold out in your size by October.)
Christmas memes and Christmas jokes are literally my only coping mechanism at this point. My ‘holiday spirit’ is fueled entirely by caffeine and sheer denial, and my version of Christmas fun is not crying when the star doesn’t stay on the top of the tree.
Meanwhile, I see you, Susan. You’ve been ready since Halloween. Your gifts are already wrapped (with ribbons, no less), your house smells like cinnamon and joy, and you’ve probably got a backup plan in case Santa throws out his back. I can’t compete with that.
Your cookies are baked, your mantel looks like a Hallmark set, and your Elf on the Shelf is out here with a daily schedule of TikTok-worthy antics. Meanwhile, I’m one bad Christmas humor away from snapping.
So, to answer your question, Susan—no, I’m not ready for Christmas. But honestly, who is? If being “ready” means perfect trees, flawless wrapping, and a Pinterest-worthy holiday spread, then I’ll take my chaotic, last-minute, caffeinated Christmas and call it a win. Maybe I’ll even throw in a few Christmas memes to get me through. In the end, it’s the thought that counts, right? Or at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself when I’m scrambling to find a last-minute gift and praying the Christmas lights finally work.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out how to fit “festive meltdown” into my already packed schedule.
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