Crystals For Banishing People One Throw At A Time – Funny Quotes

Crystals for banishing people…any of them will do, you just have to throw them hard enough.

Crystals for banishing people—yes, it’s a thing. Sort of. Technically, any of them will do… you just have to throw them hard enough.

Okay, okay—maybe not the recommended use according to the spiritual handbook, but let’s be honest—who among us hasn’t fantasized about lobbing a chunk of obsidian at someone who just will not leave your energy alone?

In the world of spiritual humor, this is gold. We’re all out here cleansing our auras, burning sage like it’s our side hustle, and bathing our rose quartz under full moons—just for Todd from marketing to show up with his chaotic vibes and ruin it all in one conversation.

This is where “crystals for banishing people” comes into play. Protection crystals are great, sure—but sometimes you want results.

Picture it: someone’s testing your patience, draining your peace, maybe even reading your birth chart without permission (rude). You reach into your pocket, not for your phone, but for your handy black tourmaline—the spiritual equivalent of “back up, Brenda.”

In your head, you’re already aiming. In reality, you’re just grounding and breathing. But the fantasy lives on.

And let’s not forget the visual—because the idea of someone ducking as you chuck a perfectly polished piece of amethyst at their energy-sucking face is hilarious. Not recommended (lawsuits, you know), but deeply therapeutic in your imagination. Crystals for banishing people aren’t just about spiritual protection—they’re about spiritual sass.

Now, for those who like their humor with a side of metaphysical insight: yes, protection crystals do work wonders.

Black obsidian helps cut cords from toxic attachments. Smoky quartz can cleanse your aura from bad vibes. Selenite keeps your space so clear it practically hums.

But we all know there are some energies—read: humans—that not even your entire crystal grid can fix. That’s when you consider the less traditional route (i.e., throwing them).

But here’s the thing—behind every joke is a little truth. Sometimes it’s not about the actual crystal. It’s about reclaiming your peace. It’s about finally saying, “You know what? I’m done letting your bad juju live rent-free in my emotional Airbnb.”

It’s about tapping into your own power and deciding that not everyone gets access to your energy.

Related: 12 Powerful Crystals For Your Zodiac Sign

Crystals for banishing people is more than just a meme—it’s a vibe. It’s the kind of spiritual humor that helps us laugh through the chaos and still honor our boundaries. It’s what happens when your inner peace meets your petty side, and honestly? It’s beautiful.

So whether you’re surrounding yourself with protection crystals like a metaphysical fortress or mentally fast-pitching a chunk of labradorite at someone’s energy, you’re not alone.

We get it. Sometimes you need a little cosmic backup—and a little comedy to carry you through.

Just remember: real power is in knowing you don’t need to react. You can block, bless, and burn some sage—and then go back to your peaceful, crystal-filled corner of the universe. And if they still don’t get the hint? Well, you do have good aim.

Because silence is a spell too. Let them wonder. Let them talk. Meanwhile, you’re sipping tea, aligning your chakras, and living rent-free in their overactive minds.

Real peace isn’t loud—it’s quiet, grounded, and surrounded by rose quartz. Let them miss your magic. You’re unbothered.

And no, you’re not being petty—you’re protecting your energy. You’ve worked hard for this peace, this calm, this clarity. It’s sacred. Anyone who tries to disturb it can kindly exit stage left. With glitter. And maybe a little smoke.

---