Parenting brings out different sides in all of us. Some parents lead with discipline, others lean into connection and open communication. And then there’s a style that often gets overlooked, not because it’s rare, but because it tends to keep things under the surface. It’s known as the ostrich parenting style.
This approach is named after the idea (though scientifically inaccurate) that ostriches bury their heads in the sand when they sense danger. Ostrich parents are a fitting metaphor for parents who struggle to confront emotional situations, either their own or their children’s.
They choose to avoid or downplay them instead. These are the parents who might say, “It’s just a phase,” or “They’ll grow out of it,” in response to signs of distress or behavioral changes.
Some might say that it seems like indifference, but Ostrich parents often care deeply. In fact, they tend to pour themselves into the practical side of parenting like working hard to provide for the family, keeping things running smoothly, and ensuring basic needs are always met.
Their love shows up in quiet, consistent ways, rather than emotional conversations or deep discussions. They ignore problems because it makes them feel guilty about their parenting. But avoiding emotional issues doesn’t make them disappear. And over time, this Ostrich parenting style can create distance between a parent and child if left unchecked.
So, let’s explore the signs of ostrich parenting, and how to bring more balance into the way you connect with your child, without needing to become a completely different parent.
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5 Signs Of Ostrich Parenting Style
1. You Avoid or Shut Down Emotional Conversations
If your child comes to you upset or overwhelmed, your first instinct may be to change the topic, distract them, or steer the conversation toward something lighter. You may feel uncomfortable sitting with strong emotions, so you quietly move away from them.
2. You Say Things to Minimize the Problem
Phrases like “It’s not a big deal,” “You’ll get over it,” or “Everyone goes through this” may come out as a way to calm the situation, but they can also leave your child feeling dismissed. Instead of comfort, your words may feel like a brush-off.
3. You Assume Time Will Solve Emotional Problems
When your child is struggling, you might hope it will pass on its own. Rather than engaging or asking questions, you wait it out, believing they’ll “grow out of it” or figure it out by themselves.
4. You Feel Uncomfortable Showing or Receiving Emotion
You may find it hard to open up emotionally, even with those closest to you. Tears, anger, or vulnerability, whether from yourself or your child, can feel overwhelming or even inappropriate to you.
5. You Prefer to Keep Things Practical
You’re focused on solutions, routines, and responsibilities. You show love by providing and protecting, making sure the family is taken care of. But when emotional support is needed, you might feel unsure or avoid it altogether.
So Here’s How To Shift Away From Ostrich Parenting (Without Changing Who You Are)
You don’t need to become an overly emotional or talkative parent to connect to your child on a deeper level. Just start with a few small things:
1. Validate your child’s feelings instead of minimizing them. Say: “I can see why you’re upset.”
2. You don’t need to fix their feelings, sometimes just listen and let them know they’re not alone.
3. Ask them, don’t assume. Saying something gentle like, “Want to talk about it?” opens the door without pressure.
4. Practice naming your own feelings. Saying, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed today” teaches your child that emotions are normal.
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Good parenting is not about perfection, just about showing up and being there for your kid.
Share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below!
Frequently Asked Questions
What is ostrich parenting?
Parents who are ostriches refuse to see their children have problems so they don’t get them assessed or treated.
What is Ostrich syndrome?
Ostrich syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals avoid acknowledging or confronting negative information, especially when it relates to their goals or progress.
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