“One year has passed and a lot of things have changed. And to tell you honestly, I’m not yet ready for these changes. I shouldn’t have left.”
This was what I had written exactly a year ago on my Facebook page after I met my ex-boyfriend the previous night who was getting married at the end of October. I could still recall the stingy feelings I had that night albeit the fact that I don’t regret any of these anymore. I am glad for all of my decisions in life— good or bad, they made me wiser though.
Talking about changes. A year ago, I had decided to come back home and left the man I love the most. Long distance relationship is not for everyone, definitely not for us. Our relationship had turned into a huge mess and it became so impossible to repair. Nonetheless, we still manage to get in touch with each other. There were times that I got sleep deprived and my anxiety became severe. Distance sucks. You don’t know if he’s jerking off with other girl or not, your instinct says yes and your heart says trust him, he doesn’t. The conversation, long talks, and messages became lesser, he got so hard to reach and he wasn’t even totally there anymore. I was depressed because I was left hanging. I cried myself each night to sleep. I kept sending him messages and bombarded him with calls but no answer, and if there was, he always came up with good excuses and I was too gullible to believe him. But that was then,you see I woke up one day and realized that I don’t want to live that way anymore. I realized that I am not worthy of these bullshits for I simply know my worth. I stood my ground and created a line that no toxic people shall enter; including him. In other words, I changed; from a chaste princess to a warrior that not no one messes around. I am no longer that gullible woman who would believe to people who only know is to take advantage of my weaknesses.I was never weak, I was just too trusting and too nice to people who didn’t even deserve the goodness of me. These don’t make me cruel tho. I isolate myself to people, I won’t start a conversation unless you started it first. In my silence, I learned to listen, scan the new people around me, and perceive thoroughly if we share the same vibrations. I don’t trust people anymore in spite the fact that people are good companions but no, I learned to trust and love myself even more. I am alone but I am never lonely. I am much stronger than before and I know what I am capable of. I am unstoppable.
Past is a nice place to visit but never a place to live in. Once in a awhile, you would sit in the corner and think profoundly the things that have happened in the past and it’d give you a nostalgic feeling. There are times that we couldn’t help but to wish things would go back the way they used to. And that’s a pretty normal feeling. You cannot change the past, you can only earn the lessons you have learned along the growing up stage. Sometimes changes could really suck a million times but at the end of the day, you get to realize that without these, you wouldn’t be the exact person you are now.
Change is definitely the only constant thing in the world. The world continues on revolving; the world won’t stop moving just because you are hurt or you don’t want to. The season changes. You roll the calendar. And you go along with it. You grow older. You become wiser. You change and that means you become maturer.
Some of us are afraid of changes. And yes, changes could be really scary at times. But God gave us the knowledge to make good judgement and the ability to adapt to changes. Humans are designed flexible. We grow. Our perspectives change and eventually they change us. We become more sensible. We lost things and people but at the end of the day, we learned. Close your eyes and comprehend things for a moment. Is this the life that you wanted? Are you satisfied with yourself? If you’re done, stand up, open your arms widely and welcome the changes. Change wouldn’t stop on happening unless you’re dead. Embrace changes, that means you are alive and life is giving you a chance to be the best person you could ever be. Welcome changes!