Some common myths about childfree adults couldn’t be further from the truth. Here’s what people often get wrong…
How biases impact conceptions.
Key points
- There are many myths about people choosing not to have kids.
- These myths are based on prejudiced beliefs.
- Many childfree people experience stigma.
If you’re a DINK or SINK, you might have noticed there are many myths about your lifestyle choices. A DINK is a Dual Income No Kid household, and a SINK is a Single Income No Kid household. The mainstream think having children is positive. This means many view childfree by choice individuals as suspicious. This is especially true for women.
These myths are also known as prejudice. Prejudice is a set of preconceived beliefs about a group of people that are not based on reality. Many of the prejudices associated with DINKs have their roots in patriarchal ideology. Patriarchal thought says men are in power over women and children. Children are good because they can learn this ideology, keeping men in control for years to come.
Stigma is an unwanted label people carry due to the majority’s prejudices. Being stigmatized is a painful experience. Because of the sexist nature of childfree prejudice, childfree women are disproportionately affected. For example, US Vice President J.D. Vance has made degrading remarks about “childless cat ladies.”
It is important to understand and dispel common prejudices about childfree people. This can help reduce stigma. Below, we’ll cover common myths and why they aren’t true.
Read More Here: Should You Do Family Therapy or Individual Therapy? Here’s How To Decide!
3 Myths About Childfree Adults Debunked
“You’re not a real woman”
One myth impacting female DINKs and SINKs is that you’re not a real woman until you are a mother. This notion stems from the idea that because women can bear children, they should bear children. Orna Donath, author of Regretting Motherhood, writes that in the patriarchal framework of society, becoming a mother is “justification for our existence” as women.
Motherhood is a shared experience for the majority of women. Donath writes about the messages society tells women about motherhood. These include the message that motherhood will “connect her to a generational chain of her mother and grandmother… it will physically embody her loyalty to the traditions that precede her.” Some mothers reject non-mothers. This can contribute to the view of female DINKs or SINKS as only quasi-women.
What is the definition of a “real” woman? There is none. Looking outside narrow societal views, each woman can define her own sense of womanhood and femininity. Women can also be as masculine as they like or develop a new gender identity. Regardless of these choices, you do not deserve stigmatization, and you do deserve a loving community.
“You’re immature”
Myth #2 is that adults without children are not mature adults. Psychologist Jordan Peterson shared: “If you don’t want kids, you’re either deluded or immature.” Getting a job, getting married, buying a home, and having children are often seen as the natural developmental progression. Many view having children as an achievement and symbol of a stable lifestyle.
The reality is, having children does not mean a person is mature. Many parents neglect, abuse, or even abandon their children. These parents are not only cruel, but also irresponsible. They leave other adults to care for their offspring. On a less serious note, some parents don’t have the emotional availability to meet their children’s needs. Many tropes exist of DINKs or SINKs as either workaholics or carefree partiers. But lots of parents struggle to find balance in these areas too.
Conversely, many DINKs or SINKs have other responsibilities associated with maturity. For example, Dr. Jessica Hawk has worked for over 30 years as an educator. Ali Davis founded and leads a non-profit dedicated to helping childhood torture survivors. Many childfree people earn respect as contributors to their communities.
“You’re selfish”
Beyond the myth of immaturity, DINKs or SINKs are often considered self-centered. The late Pope Francis called the childfree choice selfish. This is also the view of the public. Studies have found that people perceive childfree individuals as not only selfish, but morally inferior.
Yet, there is nothing “bad” about childfree people. Choosing to forgo children does not hurt anyone. In fact, many childree people decide not to bring new people into the world so that they can focus on helping the people already here. This can include children in need as well as other marginalized populations. Many childfree people spend their time caring for family members or volunteering in the community.
Environmental factors can also be a reason for not having kids. Each new child adds approximately 9441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of the average American female. This is 5.7 times her lifetime emissions. Many childless adults want to protect our environment and do not want to bring children into a world where climate disaster is imminent. Contrary to being selfish, these people are considering the impact of their decisions on others, both now and in the future.
Getting support
Childfree by choice individuals face many misconceptions. These prejudiced beliefs are often rooted in patriarchal worldviews. You have experienced them if you have heard you are “not a real woman,” “immature,” or “selfish” for not having kids.
These beliefs are untrue. You get to define your own gender, and having children does not need to be a part of your gender expression. Many DINKs or SINKs are high achieving and contribute to their communities, exposing the falsehood that they are immature. Further, childfree people are not necessarily selfish, and many choose not to have kids so that they can help people already here.
Even though these myths are untrue, they can still be stigmatizing. Being stigmatized can feel hurtful and isolating. If you have experienced stigma, you are not alone, and support is available. Childfree affirming therapy can be a great place to start.
Read More Here: Are You The ‘Default Parent’? 8 Signs Of Burnout And Resentment Every Caregiver Should Know
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Donath, O. (2017). Regretting motherhood: A study. North Atlantic Books
Ekelund, M., & Ask, K. (2021). Stigmatization of voluntarily childfree women and men in the UK. Social Psychology, 52(5), 275–286. https://doi.org/10.1027/1864-9335/a000455
Murtaugh, P. A., & Schlax, M. G. (2009). Reproduction and the carbon legacies of individuals. Global Environmental Change, 19(1), 14–20. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.gloenvcha.2008.10.007
Written by: Karina Barretto LPCC
Originally Appeared On: Psychology Today
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