Love and attachment are not the same things. We can be attached to something without loving it and we can love someone without being attached to them.
Love and attachment
Whether in relationships or life, we often get attached to certain people and things that lead to negative outcomes. We have a tendency to get attached to almost everything, whether it’s our perspectives, opinions, ideas, places, material possessions or our loved ones. However, almost all attachment is usually unhealthy and sometimes even toxic. And this can bring a lot of anxiety, frustration, suffering, and sorrow into our lives.
Read also: The Science Of Love: Lust, Attraction, Attachment & Brain Chemistry
When we are in a relationship, it is important that our love for them is stronger than our attachment towards them. In fact, when it comes to romantic relationships, practicing detachment can help a relationship sustain longer than otherwise. When love is based on attachment, it makes you dependent and needy. However, when you love without attachment, you learn to love someone without any conditions and give yourself to them consciously and freely.
Love and attachment are very different. When you love without attachment, there is no room for ego, insecurity, narcissism or abuse. As long as you have set up clear boundaries, a relationship will thrive based solely on love, trust and respect and without attachment. A relationship steeped in attachment can make partners dependent on each other for self-esteem, validation, personal growth, and self-discovery. This love seems to be flawed as it is pillared by insecurities, fears, dependence, and needs.
Read also: Attachment Theory Explains Why Your Relationships Fail
Loving everything without being attached to anything
Most of us fail to distinguish between love and attachment. So we cannot love without dependence or attachment. The main reason for this is we are programmed to love with conditions. We want our circumstances and the people around us to adjust to our thoughts and emotions. We want people, places, and things to fill the void within us and eradicate our loneliness. We want our people and things to fix us and our lives. However, we tend to forget that only we can heal ourselves. We need to realize that no one can rescue us, help us achieve our dreams or find happiness. It is only our own responsibility, not someone else’s.
But most of us are unable to accept this notion. And that’s why we are incapable of loving without getting attached. However, it is possible to keep love and attachment separate from each other and live a satisfying, happy life. And it all begins with gratitude and mindfulness. We can only learn to love others and ourselves when we can appreciate what we have…when we can appreciate our loved ones without wanting them to do something for us… without being attached to them. But it is only by understanding that everything is impermanent and every moment is fleeting, can we truly appreciate love.
Read also: The Difference Between Love And Attachment
Attachment is temporary, love is forever
And that is probably one of the biggest differences between love and attachment. Change is the very essence of life. Nothing is meant to last forever. Everything we own, everyone we desperately cling on to will one day leave us. Relationships end. We lose our loved ones. We lose or change jobs. All the materialistic possessions we work so hard to own and feel so proud of, will someday lose all value. Our physical body, youth, beauty, wealth, marriages… everything will eventually be gone. Nothing is permanent.
Life can be surmised by your breath. Despite how much you try to breathe in, you can never hold on to a breath. You always have to breathe out and take a new breath. That’s the same with life. Despite how much you get attached to something or someone, you will eventually have to let go. You cannot hold on to it forever.
Sadly, we tend to get attached to so many things in life that we forget the true essence of love. Love is about appreciation. It’s not about making it last. The more we try to hold on to people or things, the more emotional pain and suffering we will experience. This can never lead to a happy, fulfilling relationship or life.
Read also: Love Without Attachment: 4 Secrets To Love Unconditionally
Speak love, silence attachment
Whether in life or relationships, you need to understand the difference between love and attachment. Attachment may feel like love, but it is simply a distortion of the feeling. It makes us falsely believe that we cannot survive without the other person and that we need to please them to make them love us.
Love on the other hand, is without purpose or objective. It flows freely and goes away as fast as it comes. When you love someone or something, you don’t feel the need to possess it. Rather, you want to nurture. You want to see it bloom and prosper, whether in your presence or absence. Love is like a wild horse running free. Attachment is trying to capture that horse and tame it. Attachment makes us desperate for love and holds on to it to protect our self-esteem. It helps us believe that we are worthy of love.
Attachment is needy. It always wants something. It wants to be loved. But love is the cure for attachment. When we allow love to flow, it can wash away unhealthy attachment.
Read also: Why Non-Attachment Is The Key To Finding Inner Peace
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