Have you ever felt like there wasn’t a place for you to fit in? Did you find yourself setting apart as an “outsider”? Though many desire to be a part of the core of society, with all of its benefits, a great number of people seek to set themselves apart from the mainstream. Some find themselves there by an apparent default. Not feeling like they need to fit in or belong to anything, people are living on the fringe of society. Whether by a perceived choice, or a lack thereof, being a bit of a loner is where people can learn a lot about themselves and others.
While separation from the norm can be detrimental, there are a few perks of being a loner. In a certain paradoxical sense, the people who are set aside for not fitting in, are fitting in, just not into the mainstream. As it turns out, this isn’t the worst thing for the individual or society. I would like you to journey with me through why this is, and ways you can utilize your unique situation to better yourself and others. Before this, let’s take a look at a bit of history and the current state of affairs.
In the past, those who did not fit in to society had a pretty rough go of things. From being unjustly persecuted or abused, to being institutionalized for the most heinous of reasons. In any event, the “odd one out”, as-it-were, was quick to be marginalized by their peers. By a consensus derived from the ruling majority, what was normal and acceptable was established within the bounds of the community. Any person who did not conform to that definition was deemed a deviant, and treated as such.
From this, taboos, countercultures, and more came into existence, along with the exploration of universal morals and like topics. Though these topics are not the focus of this article, they remain an important area of study, and the understanding of them helps us to explore the next factor: how the rigid adherence of defined societal norms is hurting our society. While there could be much said here, I am going to hit the highlights.
In marginalizing individuals for relatively trivial matters, we are cutting out key input (fresh views, unique perspectives, etc) that can help to review problems facing us all. The weakness of a society resistant to divergent views is that it keeps trying to solve problems with solutions that don’t work, or are ill applied. There are many great thinkers who, being outsiders, weren’t given a second thought, until they succeed in their efforts. While this proves a number of things, it goes to show that people can change their perspectives. It also demonstrates that just because you may have been pushed aside, it doesn’t mean you can’t do something special while being yourself.
So, what are some of the benefits of being out of the edge of society? To name a few:
- Builds confidence
- Fosters creativity
- Encourages self-discovery
- Strengthens self-reliance
- Attracts authentic relationships
- Increases problem-solving skills
Not a bad set of benefits. From this, anyone should see that while someone may not be part of the “in crowd”, it doesn’t mean they don’t have something valuable to offer. The truth dwells in all manner of places, even those where we don’t suspect to find it.
One manner by which we can begin to bridge the gap between the two main groups, is to begin with the self. We cannot expect to be accepted by others when we don’t entirely accept ourselves. Self-acceptance is considered central to well being. A tool to help in this process, is writing about, and reflecting on your worldview and what has/is shaping it. In so many words, your mind is the start of your world; either you can shape it, or someone else will. In writing it out, you are able to review your thoughts, and get insight into your own beliefs. It gives you a chance to revise yourself before any other step.
Self-revision is like self-control: a gift all have, yet is seldom exercised to its fullest. By utilizing our ability to know ourselves and learning how to communicate our ideas, we begin to build bridges from the fringe, into the world around us. Both those in the mainstream of society and the outsiders have to work in this manner. Communication is a two-way street. If only one side is working, the attempt at closing the gap may seem forced, and a forced idea is one that will neither be received or bear fruit. To paraphrase a former professor of mine, the hardest thing to do is change the way people think. In light of this, we must gain understanding of ourselves, others, and the issue, before getting to work.
To aid this process, we can invite an open mindset that is curious and genuine. In fancy terms, cognitive flexibility is the ability to be open to knew experiences and ideas. As we cannot force an idea on ourselves or others, we must maintain the patient desire to learn. Having observed and reflected on what we learned, we can slowly implement these new ideas. Slow assimilation is the way to go. In doing this, both society and those on fringe can gain benefits of this middle way. Meeting on common ground, differences become minimized and the appeal of basic human decency can propel everyone forward together.
While many will read these words and scoff, I remain confident that it is possible. Human nature is a tricky course to navigate, but as with anything in life: difficult does not mean impossible. Stripping away the superfluous, we gain a view of what makes people alike. As it is often the trivial that separates, or at least begins the separation, cutting through it in search for something more would be a start worth making. In any case, we are only hurting ourselves by maintaining distance. It is together that we are strongest. We all have something to contribute, a gift that only we can give.
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