How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People In Your Life

Are you dealing with a passive aggressive person? Do they leave you feeling frustrated? As these people never openly or directly express their aggression, you may find yourself playing mind games with them even though you didnโ€™t sign up for it. Here are a few ways for you to deal with passive aggressive people without losing your mind.

โ€œSome people are like clouds โ€ฆ When theyโ€™re gone itโ€™s a beautiful day.โ€ โ€“ unknown

Passive aggression is a form of anger, except the anger is expressed with a smile instead of the typical expressions. Passive aggressive people are experts at sugar coating hostility. They often use procrastination, bumbling inefficiency, and the exasperating excuse of โ€œI forgotโ€ to avoid commitments or let you down. They appear eager to please but know exactly how to make you mad. They can be infuriating because of their seductive or innocent veneers.

Passive aggressive people

Here are some examples:

  • Your spouse brings home yet another gallon of ice cream after youโ€™ve specifically asked him or her not to do this because you are trying to lose weight.
  • A friend keeps arriving an hour late for a dinner date leaving you waiting over and over again.
  • a co-worker keeps promising to help with a project but never comes through.

Passive aggressive behavior ranges from simply irritating to manipulative and punishing. This is different from occasionally being absent-minded, lazy, or busy. Passive aggression is repetitive and has a covert angry edge to it. Passive aggressive people promise anything, then do exactly as they please. They hide anger beneath a compliant exterior.

They donโ€™t give straight answers and have vague responses such as โ€œIโ€™ll get back to you.โ€ Then they donโ€™t follow through so you must keep reminding them. Sometimes their remarks can be hurtful, especially so because they come at you sidewaysโ€“you donโ€™t know what hit you.

Read 11 Characteristics of Passive Aggressive Behavior

Why Do People Become Passive Aggressive?

Theyโ€™re typically raised in families where itโ€™s not safe to express angerโ€“theyโ€™re never taught to communicate it in a healthy manner. They adapt by channeling these feelings into other less obvious behaviors; this gives them a sense of power and control. Theyโ€™re masters at shirking responsibility by hurting you in ways that appear unintentional or unavoidable.

Passive aggressive people operate by stuffing anger, being accommodating, and then indirectly sticking it to you. When confronted, theyโ€™ll drive you crazy with a variety of โ€œthe dog ate my homeworkโ€ excuses, blaming others, or yessing you to death without changing. Since many are unaware of their anger, they feel misunderstood or that youโ€™re holding them to unfair standards.

โ€œSome people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.โ€ โ€“ unknown

Here are tips on how to communicate with passive aggressive people from my book The Power of Surrender. To learn about other types of draining people read my article The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide.

Learning To Communicate With Passive Aggressive People

1. Trust Your Gut Reactions

With these types, you may question yourself since their anger is so masked. Itโ€™s important to recognize the pattern. Their mixed messages will test your patience. So when you doubt yourself, take a breath and try to let the doubt go.

Tell yourself, โ€œI deserve to be treated more lovingly. I will trust my gut reaction when I feel jabbed.โ€ This affirmation helps you release doubt so youโ€™d donโ€™t convince yourself youโ€™re imagining things.

Then move forward to improve communication. You must surrender the idea that these people will change without you speaking up. They arenโ€™t motivated to change unless someone calls them on their behavior. When itโ€™s not appropriate to be direct, such as with a boss who might retaliate or fire you, keep letting the zingers go by accepting your powerlessness to change him.

2. Address the behavior

Focus on one issue at a time so people donโ€™t feel attacked or overwhelmed. Letโ€™s say a friend is always late. In a calm, firm tone say to her, โ€œI would greatly appreciate it if you can be on time when we go out to dinner. I feel uncomfortable waiting in a restaurant alone.โ€ Then notice her reaction. She might say, โ€œYouโ€™re right. Iโ€™m always running behind. Iโ€™ll try to be more organized.โ€ Then see if the lateness improves.

If she is evasive or makes excuses, request clarification about how to solve the problem. If you canโ€™t get a straight answer, confront that too. Being specific pins down passive aggressive people. If nothing changes, keep setting limits or stop making dinner plans. With a close friend who continues to be late, itโ€™s always an option to accept and acclimate to his or her shortcomings when the pros of the relationship outweigh the cons.

โ€œSometimes itโ€™s not the people who change, itโ€™s the mask that falls off.โ€ โ€“ Haruki Murakami

As a psychiatrist, I teach my patients to address passive aggressive behavior directly as the person may not be aware of the impact on you since they are short on empathy. Hopefully, you wonโ€™t have many passive aggressive people in your life, but if you do, clear communication is a form of empowerment.

Read 12 Characteristics of Passive Aggression and How To Deal With A Passive-Aggressive Partner


Written byย Dr. Judith Orloff MD
Originally appeared onย Dr. Judith Orloff MD

Hereโ€™s an interesting video that you may find helpful:

If youโ€™re forced to interact with a passive aggressive person, then you need to realize that it can get very tricky. You need to ignore their words and excuses and pay attention to their actions. You cannot change them or control their behavior. However, you can control yourself and your response.

Despite how frustrating it may get, you need to stay calm and be assertive in your statements. Understand this: itโ€™s never about you. But itโ€™s always about them. So keep your head held high and walk away from their drama.


How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People In Your Life
passive aggressive people in your life pin

— Share —

, ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Respond to a Manipulative Apology: 7 Ways You Can Turn the Tables on Emotional Manipulation

Ways to Handle a Manipulative Apology

Manipulative apologies are tricky; they sound like remorse but actually aim to shift blame, guilt-trip, or control the situation. Learning how to respond to a manipulative apology is crucial to maintaining emotional balance and protecting your well-being.

Always remember that apology without change is manipulative, and the quicker you realize that, the better it will be for you and emotional well-being.

Letโ€™s dive into what is a manipulative apology, how does a narcissist apologize and how to respond to a manipulative apology, so that you can handle these situations with confidence, and not get caught in an emotional trap.

Related:

Up Next

9 Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream โ€˜Stay Away!โ€™

Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream Stay Away

Ever met someone who just seemed a little too… intense? Maybe they needed control, demanded admiration, or seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable? These arenโ€™t just common personality flaws โ€“ these are actually malignant narcissist traits.

Spotting these traits can help you steer clear of the emotional roller coaster that follows such people around. Weโ€™ll dive into exactly what is a malignant narcissist, the warning signs to watch out for, and how to deal with a malignant narcissist.

So, let’s get started shall we? We will begin with what is a malignant narcissist.

Related:

Up Next

What Is Child Abuse? Recognizing The Warning Signs

Child abuse and neglect is a very sensitive subject that needs to be handled with care.

One canโ€™t really associate a state like this with just bruises. There is emotional, as well as physical exploitation. Also, for a little kid to heal or recover from it, the earlier one spots the signs of it, the better it is.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or itโ€™s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, weโ€™re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults โ€“ those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

Are Adult Temper Tantrums Dangerous? Recognizing and Addressing the Risks

Adult temper tantrums can be really unpredictable and you never know which direction they might take. This article is going to discuss the dangers of temper tantrums in adults, so that you know how to protect yourself.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

KEY POINTS

Adult temp

Up Next

Spotting Emotional Neglect In Childhood: 8 Important Clues

Anyone who has been through emotional neglect in childhood knows that it never leaves you; it haunts you for the rest of your life. Itโ€™s like an invisible wound, that may not leave invisible scars, but it can shape you in ways you might not even notice.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Maybe it was the feeling that somethingโ€™s missing from your childhood, but you cou

Up Next

Romantic Manipulation: 10 Subtle Phrases To Watch Out For

Romantic manipulation is sneaky, and it can creep into a relationships without either person fully realizing it. We have all heard those phrases that sound sweet or caring but leaves a bitter aftertaste, making us second-guess our feelings.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Manipulative partners often have a way with words, twistin